Arse or Barca: Arsene Pep Talk

Dear Gooners,

(please read the following slowly, assisted by a coffee and a cigarette to allow for maximum drama)

And so this day is finally upon us.

The day, which holds the night, which holds the hopes and dreams of apprentices everywhere, in the never-ending quest to out-conjure their masters - for, awaiting the Arsenal again, are no less than the sorcerors of Espana, the titans of the tiki-taka, mes que un club. Barcelona.

Alves. Iniesta. Villa. Xavi.

Messi.

The names that roll off the tongue when picking one's very own 'Abramovich' eleven; the players for whom they will roll out Camp Nou's red carpet this evening circa 7.45pm GMT; the technicians Jack Wilshere and co will need to overcome if they are to manoeuvre their way into the UEFA Champions League Quarter-Finals, and, indeed, into the history books; the footballers that Cesc Fabregas left behind when he flew to north London seeking a different kind of development under the watchful eye of Arsene Wenger.

Will the skipper start? "90%" says Wenger. Is Robin van Persie set to complete a miraculous recovery from injury and lead the line? The numbers may be just as favourable. How will the hosts react to what the local press see as underhand tactics from the French Professor in bringing his Dutch frontman back into the fold so soon? More importantly, how will they cope without their first-choice centre-backs, Pique and Carles Puyol? How will Arsenal's game plan be affected by the absences of Alex Song and Theo Walcott? We shall see in around 10 hours.

We shall see if Arsenal can react to their Birmingham and Sunderland slip-ups. We shall see if Barcelona can erase their memories of the Emirates. We shall see if this game is played in the manner which we all expect from these two footballing aristocrats. We shall see if this game is decided by a moment of magic or a moment of madness.

Will the Londoners' first leg heroics prove decisive, or will the aura of the Nou Camp claim another victim, in the form of Arsene's unpolished underlings?

Was that win, in fact, a win? Or was it an ever-so-slight stutter, a raindrop, a mere blip on the radar of these all-powerful conquistadores from Catalonia, a la Stamford Bridge in 2000?

Arse or Barca?

It's too close to call.