Mon 23 Dec
The Future's Bright
Jose Mourinho has hinted at a 2028 retirement, with 12 seasons of club football and two in the international arena.
12 more years of this and we'll all be turning our attentions to the global game...
Sun 22 Dec
Van Gaal Heads Queue
According to the Daily Mirror - always a great way to start a sentence - Louis van Gaal is now the front-runner for the Tottenham Hotspur manager's job, despite currently being employed by a leading nation during a World Cup year.
After jumping to the inevitable Fabio Capello conclusion after the Russia manager was spotted at AVB's last game in charge at White Hart Lane, tabloid attentions have now turned to another über-experienced international coach, in the form of fiery Dutchman van Gaal.
Having endured a summer during which their best player was sold for a World Record fee and even more was forked out in an attempt to make amends that resembled a bulk-buy tissue-papering over of canyons, this has got to be the last thing they need.
If you think about it, the turbulence could come from any of four avenues:
1) from introducing a renowned fight-picker into a squad high on profile and pay but low on end-product, in doing so
2) ousting a proud young coach familiar with the club's traditions and popular among the fans, or
3) opting for a head coach with attentions understandably elsewhere at this stage of is existing campaign, inviting obvious excuse-seeking and easy targets for criticism should results go further awry
4) or, alternatively, beginning the wooing of van Gaal now and allowing this to loom over the dugout, undermining its current incumbent and giving him 'dead man walking status', akin to that emanating from AVB against Liverpool, in the event a deal is struck for the new man to arrive in the (late) summer.
If Spurs have decided Chelsea's blueprint is better than Arsenal's means of staying in the red, perhaps prioritising trophies over tradition, they must be wary. This approach worked with the appointment of Guus Hiddink but only on the understanding that van Gaal's esteemed countryman would enjoy a temporary stay. He left the club a hero and allowed a new era of success to commence from these foundations under Carlo Ancelotti.
To permit van Gaal - undoubtedly one of few deservedly revered figures within the football community - to have free rein (something he would no doubt demand) and to take over as and when he pleases would surely end in catastrophe.
Recent player investment and profiling strategy hints at the stockpiling of appropriate weaponry to equip a long-term assault on the title, whereas any drive to recruit an ageing international manager set in his ways and not afraid tto ram these ways home to any and all around him to lead the effort screams of a sprint into no man's land.
Sat 21 Dec
Box Office to Bog Standard
It was supposed to be a top-of-the-table, sky sports super special soccer spectacular something-or-other but, with every passing result, Monday's meeting of leading contenders Arsenal and Chelsea seems to pale further into insignificance in this season's title race.
At one stage last weekend, Monday night's match was being hotly anticipated as a contest between not only London's but the league's top two. Now, should Everton defeat Swansea City tomorrow, it will be a tale of third plays fifth - not quite the draw the TV paymasters signed up for when they gave it top Christmas billing.
If the fixture is not currently quite at the sharp end then it always lies along the serated edge of the division, however.
Either team can reach the Premier League summit with a win, although the Blues would have to do so by scoring 10. And since Didier Drogba's departure that seems an unlikely achievement against this Gunners side, even for the Special One to pull off.
Fri 20 Dec
It's Chaos
Sorry, make that two.
Jack Wilshere will miss a London derby double for raising his middle finger to fans last weekend, with the Arsenal midfielder having lost his appeal, and is now set to be absent from Monday's clash with Chelsea and the Boxing Day meeting with West Ham United.
This sloppy, slapdash and downright slapstick attempt to quantify suitable punishments for so-called crimes begs more than the odd question:
Are we now saying that this offence is twice as sinister as a professional foul but innocent to an equal extent in relation to serious foul play?
And are we seriously suggesting that, in the two years since Luis Suarez received a one-match ban and fine for what must surely be seen as an identical offence, the gravity of this action has doubled and must be reprimanded accordingly? Or that, even more startlingly, people have become so much more easily offended by said behaviour in 24 short months?
Imagine if he had spat on the walk off, or something.
They just make it up as they go along, don't they? All Commissions, Enquiries, Pilot Policies and Panels should really be facing in one direction and that's straight back down their own barrel.
Thu 19 Dec
One Capital Club Left in Capital One Cup
West Ham United face a task as tough as they come if they wish to reach Wembley for the League Cup Final after being drawn to play Manchester City - they of the 100%, 35 goals in 8 games home league record this season - over two legs in January.
Oh, and they will likely have to overcome Champions Manchester United if they harbour hopes of claiming their first major silverware (if we're not counting the Intertoto Cup which, of course, we're not) since 1980.
CAPITAL ONE CUP SEMI-FINAL DRAW:
Manchester City v West Ham United
Sunderland v Manchester United
Ties provisionally set to be played on 6 and 20 January
Wed 18 Dec
It's Unanimous
Arsenal's Jack Wilshere has been charged by the Football Association for an 'Up Middle Finger' gesture made during Saturday's defeat to Manchester City under a new 'pilot project' now underway at Wembley Stadium.
He can now expect to miss Monday's goliath London derby against Chelsea - who prepared for the top-of-the-table clash with an exhausting Capital One Cup exit at Sunderland last night - following the Luis Suarez precedent.
In much the same way as Wilshere was derided for lack of professionalism after being caught smoking, while Tottenham Hotspur defender Benoit Assou-Ekotto, currently on-loan at Queens Park Rangers, escaped punishment for throwing himself out of a plane earlier this season (not to mention his antics at the weekend), it feels as though the Gunners star is again being given a rough ride.
The three-man FA panel were apparently "unanimous" that this simple salute would warrant a red card were it seen by the match officials, which seems odd in the extreme, considering the amount of swearing and all-round aggression excused on Premier League pitches the length and breadth of the country seemingly every weekend.
It is much like the difference between reaction to the frequently brandished hand-curling gesture implying someone is cheating to earn a foul, seen as commonplace and accepted the world over, and that to the flashing of an imaginary card for said offence that causes such fury on these shores. Hypocrisy's grip on the game is as tight as ever, it seems.
It is also hilarious that it took the FA so long to come to their conclusion that the incident was worthy of further action, despite having witnessed the same footage as everyone else that catches the Arsenal man with his hands as red as his shirt. Good to see the degrading year-long John Terry saga has had one lasting positive effect on football's governing body.
Tue 17 Dec
Lobbyin of Sherwood
Lord Sugar finally has his man, then.
After sniping from a distance not so much in grass knoll territory as within Robin Hood's bow and arrow range, the man famed for searching high and oh-so-low for an understudy to continue his life's quest has finally found someone worthy of his name.
Step forward Tim Sherwood who, having been named as part of a Sugar and spice double-act alongside fellow 'legend' Les Ferdinand on the Lord's lengthy wish-list that likely stretches to OK-ing invites to the Spurs staff do, has been handed the code to the White Hart Lane panic room in the dreaded 'interim' capacity after Andre Villas-Boas' sudden departure.
Is there a danger of reading to much into this? Maybe he really is a man of the people, after all. Maybe twitter actually runs the show and we should hate the game, not the player.
Or maybe his Lordship still carries an odious aura within the club's corridors of power and his word being eerily upheld on both counts of dimissal and designation ought to concern those with honest interests in the club.
Either way, Tottenham Hotspur are becoming less and less easy to side with; you wonder where this latest development will lead them. A new team, a new backroom set-up, now a new manager.
So why does none of this seem new to us?
Mon 16 Dec
The Future's Bright
Jose Mourinho has hinted at a 2028 retirement, with 12 seasons of club football and two in the international arena.
12 more years of this and we'll all be turning our attentions to the global game...
Sun 22 Dec
Van Gaal Heads Queue
According to the Daily Mirror - always a great way to start a sentence - Louis van Gaal is now the front-runner for the Tottenham Hotspur manager's job, despite currently being employed by a leading nation during a World Cup year.
After jumping to the inevitable Fabio Capello conclusion after the Russia manager was spotted at AVB's last game in charge at White Hart Lane, tabloid attentions have now turned to another über-experienced international coach, in the form of fiery Dutchman van Gaal.
Having endured a summer during which their best player was sold for a World Record fee and even more was forked out in an attempt to make amends that resembled a bulk-buy tissue-papering over of canyons, this has got to be the last thing they need.
If you think about it, the turbulence could come from any of four avenues:
1) from introducing a renowned fight-picker into a squad high on profile and pay but low on end-product, in doing so
2) ousting a proud young coach familiar with the club's traditions and popular among the fans, or
3) opting for a head coach with attentions understandably elsewhere at this stage of is existing campaign, inviting obvious excuse-seeking and easy targets for criticism should results go further awry
4) or, alternatively, beginning the wooing of van Gaal now and allowing this to loom over the dugout, undermining its current incumbent and giving him 'dead man walking status', akin to that emanating from AVB against Liverpool, in the event a deal is struck for the new man to arrive in the (late) summer.
If Spurs have decided Chelsea's blueprint is better than Arsenal's means of staying in the red, perhaps prioritising trophies over tradition, they must be wary. This approach worked with the appointment of Guus Hiddink but only on the understanding that van Gaal's esteemed countryman would enjoy a temporary stay. He left the club a hero and allowed a new era of success to commence from these foundations under Carlo Ancelotti.
To permit van Gaal - undoubtedly one of few deservedly revered figures within the football community - to have free rein (something he would no doubt demand) and to take over as and when he pleases would surely end in catastrophe.
Recent player investment and profiling strategy hints at the stockpiling of appropriate weaponry to equip a long-term assault on the title, whereas any drive to recruit an ageing international manager set in his ways and not afraid tto ram these ways home to any and all around him to lead the effort screams of a sprint into no man's land.
Sat 21 Dec
Box Office to Bog Standard
It was supposed to be a top-of-the-table, sky sports super special soccer spectacular something-or-other but, with every passing result, Monday's meeting of leading contenders Arsenal and Chelsea seems to pale further into insignificance in this season's title race.
At one stage last weekend, Monday night's match was being hotly anticipated as a contest between not only London's but the league's top two. Now, should Everton defeat Swansea City tomorrow, it will be a tale of third plays fifth - not quite the draw the TV paymasters signed up for when they gave it top Christmas billing.
If the fixture is not currently quite at the sharp end then it always lies along the serated edge of the division, however.
Either team can reach the Premier League summit with a win, although the Blues would have to do so by scoring 10. And since Didier Drogba's departure that seems an unlikely achievement against this Gunners side, even for the Special One to pull off.
Fri 20 Dec
It's Chaos
Sorry, make that two.
Jack Wilshere will miss a London derby double for raising his middle finger to fans last weekend, with the Arsenal midfielder having lost his appeal, and is now set to be absent from Monday's clash with Chelsea and the Boxing Day meeting with West Ham United.
This sloppy, slapdash and downright slapstick attempt to quantify suitable punishments for so-called crimes begs more than the odd question:
Are we now saying that this offence is twice as sinister as a professional foul but innocent to an equal extent in relation to serious foul play?
And are we seriously suggesting that, in the two years since Luis Suarez received a one-match ban and fine for what must surely be seen as an identical offence, the gravity of this action has doubled and must be reprimanded accordingly? Or that, even more startlingly, people have become so much more easily offended by said behaviour in 24 short months?
Imagine if he had spat on the walk off, or something.
They just make it up as they go along, don't they? All Commissions, Enquiries, Pilot Policies and Panels should really be facing in one direction and that's straight back down their own barrel.
Thu 19 Dec
One Capital Club Left in Capital One Cup
West Ham United face a task as tough as they come if they wish to reach Wembley for the League Cup Final after being drawn to play Manchester City - they of the 100%, 35 goals in 8 games home league record this season - over two legs in January.
Oh, and they will likely have to overcome Champions Manchester United if they harbour hopes of claiming their first major silverware (if we're not counting the Intertoto Cup which, of course, we're not) since 1980.
CAPITAL ONE CUP SEMI-FINAL DRAW:
Manchester City v West Ham United
Sunderland v Manchester United
Ties provisionally set to be played on 6 and 20 January
Wed 18 Dec
It's Unanimous
Arsenal's Jack Wilshere has been charged by the Football Association for an 'Up Middle Finger' gesture made during Saturday's defeat to Manchester City under a new 'pilot project' now underway at Wembley Stadium.
He can now expect to miss Monday's goliath London derby against Chelsea - who prepared for the top-of-the-table clash with an exhausting Capital One Cup exit at Sunderland last night - following the Luis Suarez precedent.
In much the same way as Wilshere was derided for lack of professionalism after being caught smoking, while Tottenham Hotspur defender Benoit Assou-Ekotto, currently on-loan at Queens Park Rangers, escaped punishment for throwing himself out of a plane earlier this season (not to mention his antics at the weekend), it feels as though the Gunners star is again being given a rough ride.
The three-man FA panel were apparently "unanimous" that this simple salute would warrant a red card were it seen by the match officials, which seems odd in the extreme, considering the amount of swearing and all-round aggression excused on Premier League pitches the length and breadth of the country seemingly every weekend.
It is much like the difference between reaction to the frequently brandished hand-curling gesture implying someone is cheating to earn a foul, seen as commonplace and accepted the world over, and that to the flashing of an imaginary card for said offence that causes such fury on these shores. Hypocrisy's grip on the game is as tight as ever, it seems.
It is also hilarious that it took the FA so long to come to their conclusion that the incident was worthy of further action, despite having witnessed the same footage as everyone else that catches the Arsenal man with his hands as red as his shirt. Good to see the degrading year-long John Terry saga has had one lasting positive effect on football's governing body.
Tue 17 Dec
Lobbyin of Sherwood
Lord Sugar finally has his man, then.
After sniping from a distance not so much in grass knoll territory as within Robin Hood's bow and arrow range, the man famed for searching high and oh-so-low for an understudy to continue his life's quest has finally found someone worthy of his name.
Step forward Tim Sherwood who, having been named as part of a Sugar and spice double-act alongside fellow 'legend' Les Ferdinand on the Lord's lengthy wish-list that likely stretches to OK-ing invites to the Spurs staff do, has been handed the code to the White Hart Lane panic room in the dreaded 'interim' capacity after Andre Villas-Boas' sudden departure.
Is there a danger of reading to much into this? Maybe he really is a man of the people, after all. Maybe twitter actually runs the show and we should hate the game, not the player.
Or maybe his Lordship still carries an odious aura within the club's corridors of power and his word being eerily upheld on both counts of dimissal and designation ought to concern those with honest interests in the club.
Either way, Tottenham Hotspur are becoming less and less easy to side with; you wonder where this latest development will lead them. A new team, a new backroom set-up, now a new manager.
So why does none of this seem new to us?
Mon 16 Dec
Returns,
Revenge and Resurgence…?
An
exhilarating concoction of utter dread, angst as to the unknown and sentimental
longing will have greeted the outcome of the big European draws from London's
top three today.
Champions
League selectors handed Chelsea a date with former idol Didier
Drogba's Galatasaray and Arsenal a rematch with holders Bayern
Munich, the removal men who delivered the dreams of Gunners fans away from
North London earlier this year.
Tottenham
Hotspur's numbers hardly came up in the Europa League lottery, as they
were given a tie with Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk of Ukraine with last year's
finalists Benfica lying in wait, should they free their heads from the Eastern
Bloc.
Having
wished for this tie at the weekend, Jose Mourinho must be careful what he
wishes for, with his former charge remaining a danger in this competition and
likely licking his lips at the prospect of facing an ageing backline, the
foibles of which he knows only too well.
Mourinho
could not, however, have pre-empted the fortunes of Arsenal who, having been minutes away from claiming top spot in a
bastard-hard group last week, will now face the continent’s in-form side,
rather than Zenit St Petersburg, who drew Borussia Dortmund, the Gunners’
fellow Group F graduates, after scraping through with the lowest points tally
of any team to have made it this far in the tournament’s modern format.
But
before Arsenal supporters feel too
hard done by, they will do well to remember that this will go down as another
most unpleasant day in local rivals Spurs’ diary, the Lilywhites having reacted
to a humiliating home defeat by axing their manager, Andre Villas-Boas, while
the balls were being bagged this morning then watching on as those balls
produced an eminently slippery banana skin, followed by the potential cherry on
the world’s worst cake in the form of one of the toughest teams left in the
trophy hunt.
CHAMPIONS LEAGUE ROUND OF 16 DRAW (selected fixtures):
Arsenal v Bayern Munich (Wednesday
19 February/Tuesday 11 March)
Galatasaray
v Chelsea (Wednesday 26 February/Tuesday
18 March)
EUROPA LEAGUE ROUND OF 32/ROUND OF 16 DRAW (selected fixture):
Dnipro Dnipropetrovsk/Tottenham Hotspur v PAOK/Benfica
(Round of
32 to be played Thursday 20 February and Thursday 27 February)
Sun 15 Dec
Lingo of Longevity
"Handbags at half-mast"?!
Maybe that's the key to Alan Pardew' standing at number 2 on this list.
A list that now does not feature Steve Clarke, the ex-Chelsea player and assistant manager having been given the boot by West Bromwich Albion.
The facts suggest this is an extremely harsh decision, although rumour has it that Clarke's alleged informal inquiry into the Everton job during the summer did not go down well with his superiors.
Still, a country where Alan Pardew is the second-longest serving manager is not one for old men. Mr. Wenger, please take note while negotiating that new contract the fans weren't so keen on you having not so long ago.
Sat 14 Dec
The Perfect Game
Italian journalist Gianni Brera believed the perfect game of football ends 0-0.
Sam 'Allardici' Allardyce is going to need to do better than his pride and joy - eight clean sheets - if he wants a future at Upton Park, one suspects.
Fri 13 Dec
Happy Go Lucky...Friday 13th...Black Cats...You Do the Rest
Ex-Chelsea boy and current Sunderland man Gustavo Poyet's a funny one, isn't he?
When asked if he was enjoying the job for which he took only 66 days ago, having apparently prepared for the best part of a year, the walking, talking, Uruguayan Paulo Di Canio tribute act replied:
"No. But I accepted the challenge and now I am not going to
hide. I have got no problems.
"Is it enjoyable? No, I
can tell you it's not, but I don't think everybody gets a job and tries to
enjoy the job.
"That's a dream job.
That's what I have said to the players: You want to play football? Yes. You
want to earn money? Yes. Have you got a lovely place to train? Yes. Then you
are lucky because you are enjoying your life.
"But at the moment, no, I
am not really enjoying my life. But it's the way it is. I am trying to make
sure I can enjoy it in a few weeks' time, that would be nice."
So, Gus, are your players allowed to go out and enjoy themselves or not? Sounds to me as if they'll be back walking on eggshells faster than Paulo could pick them out of his dinner.
Thu 12 Dec
Exception Rules
It is fair to say that the jury is still out on Roberto Soldado. While the Tottenham Hotspur striker has an unerring knack from 12 yards, his ability to find the net when the ball is less stationary has come under the microscope ever since arriving in London.
The presence of a hefty price tag, a departing hero and an out-of-favour fan favourite have combined to make the perfect storm for the penalty-king, with supporters baying for the re-introduction of Jermain Defoe on the back of some trademark scoring exploits from the England international in this season's Europa League.
But it is worth noting that, while Soldado does at least look dependable if not deadly from the spot, Defoe has just one goal in his last 26 Premier League appearances.
Some would call that questionable form, particularly for a player who boasts little outside of finishing among his top-level attributes. And that is without even considering the extremely premature evaluation of the Spaniard and his strengths within this gradually emerging Lilywhite eleven.
Be careful what you wish for, Spurs fans.
Wed 11 Dec
Second is Nowhere
Chelsea's record versus FC Basel, Schalke 04 and Steaua Bucharest: P6 W4 D0 L2
Arsenal's record versus Napoli, Borussia Dortmund and Olympique Marseille: P6 W4 D0 L2
And their respective rewards...
List of Chelsea's possible Round of 16 opponents: Bayer Leverkusen, Galatasaray, Olympiakos, Zenit St Petersburg, AC Milan
List of Arsenal's possible Round of 16 opponents: Real Madrid, Atletico Madrid, Barcelona, Paris Saint Germain, Bayern Munich
Some guys have all the luck.
Tue 10 Dec
Don't Play it at all, Sam
Sky Sports clearly has no faith in the abilities of Sam Allardyce, the West Ham United manager, to arrest a trend that has seen his side score a coma-inducing 6 goals on their last 8 outings - 3 of those against Fulham under Martin Jol, for God's sake - and 13 in 15 all season.
The broadcasting overlords have found the Irons unfit to be seen, as they announce their latest set of live Premier League screenings, this time for February, with no Hammers fixture forthcoming.
Meanwhile, Murdoch's men will happily turn to all five other London clubs over the 28 days, with Tottenham Hotspur and a resurgent Crystal Palace both featuring twice on their listings.
The lack of interest says little for Big Sam's tactics or, slightly more surprisingly, his transfer nous, considering the matches come in the immediate aftermath of what may be a manic month of scrambling for a striker in East London, to offset the absence of Andy Carroll. (Oh, there's your reason for the fading belief in Sam's signings.)
On the other hand, pace-setters Arsenal are to be shown just once that month, weirdly when they host Palace on the 2nd, while West London rivals Chelsea and Fulham will also have only a solitary opportunity to showcase their skills as we emerge from winter. It may, therefore, simply be down to West Ham's overtly uninspiring run of games during this period (Swansea City(H), Aston Villa(A), Norwich City(H), Southampton(H), since you ask).
But the point still stands; just ask yourself: who of London's finest would you least like to watch right now?
Unless Allardyce has left the building by then, of course.
Mon 9 Dec
Dudley Wants More
Former Queens Park Rangers and Brentford forward Dudley Junior "DJ" Campbell was named by current employers, Blackburn Rovers, today as being among the six men arrested following claims by another ex-Bees player, defender Sam Sodje, of having been involved in match-fixing were captured on camera by the Sun on Sunday.
It is incredible that, despite enjoying Premier League wages during his career, Campbell could become embroiled in this type of lurid tale. Even taking into account the dwarf-like career-expectancy, cynical yet demanding public expectation levels and limited future prospects, which all still resonate with life as a professional footballer, it is still an incredible stupid way to permanently tarnish your reputation.
Sodje is insane for expressing the sort of arrogance portrayed through the tabloid's leering lens but Campbell, having belatedly progressed to the game's apex after years negotiating the football pyramid's eternally wide base, would have to be a sociopath to jeopardise such status for so small a pot.
£70k was probably about six weeks' wages at one point - let's hope it's not true, eh? For his sake, even more than ours.
Sun 8 Dec
North London Nemeses Set Another Date
Spot the stand-out tie...
FA Cup Third Round Draw
(Selected fixtures):
Yeovil Town v Leyton Orient
Nottingham Forest v West Ham United
Bristol City v Watford
Southend United v Millwall
West Bromwich Albion v Crystal Palace
Charlton Athletic v Wrexham or Oxford United
Norwich City v Fulham
Everton v Queens Park Rangers
Arsenal v Tottenham Hotspur
Derby County v Chelsea
Sat 7 Dec
Swings and Roundabouts
Scenario A: Chelsea loan Romelu Lukaku to Liverpool, who then take points from one of the Blues' direct rivals through a goal from said front man and not against the west Londoners, against whom he is seen sitting in the stands. After having been presented out on the pitch, of course, only highlighting the fact that he is fit enough to take part.
This then has a direct influence on the course of the title race.
Scenario B:
Chelsea loan Victor Moses to Liverpool who, in turn, decide they have a surplus of width and loan Oussama Assaidi to Stoke City, who then promptly scores the winner against the Blues after coming on as a substitute for the Potters.
This then has a direct influence on the course of the title race.
What is about 'evening itself out' and all that, Mr. Wenger?
Fri 6 Dec
Rooney, Suarez, Balotelli...Ruiz
You can almost hear it, can't you? The furling of flags, the songs dying down, the checking of egos and the getting back to normal.
England's expectations have been suitably managed by news their team will play Uruguay, Italy and Costa Rica in Brazil next summer.
Reasons for the downbeat reaction to today's diary entries are primarily down to the dates against Uruguay and Italy, who have six wins between them, including the first four editions of the planet's premier tournament.
However, with the meanest defence in CONCACAF qualifying that saw them unbeaten in matches not involving USA, they could pose our traditionally unimaginative attack a great deal of hassle. And, in skipper Bryan Ruiz, they have struggling Fulham's third-finest, not to mention Arsenal attacker Joel Campbell, who-
Oh, it won't matter by then, anyway. We play the Ticos last, after all.
Thu 5 Dec
Epic Bantz
As pranks go, it's right up there with Jonjo Shelvey's most jovial japery.
Sandro, the Tottenham Hotspur midfielder, this week - get this - drove THE TEAM BUS.
#bantaclausiscomingtotown.
Wed 4 Dec
Are we going to have to start doing this weekly?
Goal of the night in London:
1. Eden Hazard
2. Lewis Holtby
3. Vlad Chiriches
4. Eden Hazard
5. Mesut Ozil
Tue 3 Dec
Timeline tells the tale
Press member (take your pick): Mr. Wenger, Mr. Wenger, is it true you have signed Alvaro Morata from Real Madrid on a six-month loan deal?
Wenger: There is no truth in that.
Press member (hit random select): Arsene, Arsene, have you at least lodged a £6.6m bid with Corinthians for Alexandre Pato?
Wenger: No.
It's enough to make you wonder how on earth people keep reading, isn't it?
Although, Wenger does have form in the stubborn yet ultimately futile denial department.
If we weren't sure before the Arsenal boss took to the mic, though, the fact Morata's future lies away from Emirates Stadium was surely set in stone after he not only repudiated the story but also spoke of a certain "special feeling".
Mon 2 Dec
Mikel and Moses Miss Out
Chelsea duo Jon Mikel Obi and Victor Moses were edged out of winning the BBC African Footballer of the Year 2013 title today by Manchester City midfielder Yaya Toure.
Both Mikel and Moses, the latter currently on loan at Liverpool, starred for Nigeria as the Super Eagles romped to the Africa Cup of Nations earlier this year in South Africa but lost a vote to the imperious Toure, who claimed the award for the first time, having been nominated for five consecutive years.
Also among the contenders were Borussia Dortmund hotshot Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Stade Rennais' Jonathan Pitroipa, voted player of the tournament as his unheralded Burkina Faso team reached the final of the tournament in South Africa, only to be narrowly beaten by their Nigerian opponents.
Moses and Mikel, in particular, will be crestfallen at having been bypassed as they seek to emulate other famous London residents past and present to have held the crown, including Didier Drogba, Michael Essien and Emmanuel Adebayor.
One wonders whether Mikel, at 26 - whose performances continue to be deemed unworthy of the prize despite stirring successes in the English capital and beyond, having lifted countless cups and played a key role in the Blues' Champions League glory last year - will get a better chance to lift the trophy in what has hardly been a vintage year on the African continent outside of his homeland.
However, if ever there were a man to provide added inspiration for pursuing his endeavours it is Toure who, despite his club surrendering their Premier League title last season, has finally landed the highest accolade in Africa at the age of 30 to satisfy his legions of followers and hit back at those people who targeted him for the colour of his skin back in October.
Sun 1 Dec
Avram Mark II
The inevitable finally happened.
Sat 30 Nov
Can YOU Feel the Heat?
Weather-based puns are the best, aren't they?
With that in mind, wasn't it cool to see Tottenham Hotspur boss Andre Villas-Boas give that Tromso IL fan the cold shoulder for singing "You're getting sacked in the morning" incessantly behind the dugout at Alfheim Stadion, deep inside the arctic circle on Thursday.
He is not the only Premier League manager currently looking under the weather and lashing out as autumn turns to winter and clubs' situations start to become clearer.
Jose Mourinho is today widely quoted as responding to questions focused on the striking department after his Chelsea side's inability to muster a single shot in midweek by chastising on-loan forward Romelu Lukaku.
And as Sam Allardyce singles out Joe Cole for criticism in an apparent desperate show of strength amid growing scepticism to not only deliver the sort of football the West Ham United fans crave, but the results behind which he has previously hidden, there seems to be a trend emerging across the capital as power struggles play out in all its major clubs.
First up this week was the ludicrous Arsene Wenger-Mathieu Flamini stand-off - I refuse to call it 's*****gate' - at Arsenal, which was a non-event if ever there was one.
Then came a more positive setting apart at Crystal Palace by incoming head coach Tony Pulis, who praised 18-year-old Sullay Kai-Kai for his hat-trick in the Under-18s and included him in his very first matchday squad, perhaps on a mission to repair his dour reputation and blow away the air of resignation surrounding his appointment, with the prevailing feeling being that the Welshman represents no more than a short-term fix for the South Londoners.
Meanwhile, the only man not to pick out another individual as the point of his ire this week is the one man who surely ought to: Martin Jol, who has seen his incredibly shaky position wobble further following five straight defeats and the stationing of Dutch compatriot Rene Meulensteen as his assistant at Fulham, seemingly ready to usurp his superior at any point, a la Avram Grant.
Should there be a loser in today's clash between the Hammers and the Cottagers at Upton Park, it might be worth keeping an eye out for the head of the defeated manager as it bobs down the tunnel at full-time, as the whistle may act as the cue for frantic swiveling of said cranium, in order to find precisely the right person lingering in the wrong place at the right time to pinpoint for the latest round of culpability catching.
Fri 29 Nov
Bark Once if You're in Basel
Having found the formula for beating Chelsea by watching Swiss side FC Basel complete an unlikely Champions League 'double' over the Blues on Tuesday, Arsenal and Tottenham Hotspur are now in for the men who made it happen.
The Metro reports that the Gunners are after defender Fabien Schar, while the Daily Mirror suggests that Spurs will folow-up on their summer interest in Mohamed Salah by lodging a bid for the winger's services in January.
As Tuesday's winner for the Swiss came in the form of a well-taken Salah strike supplied, as it was, by a raking through-ball from none other than Mr. Schar, it feels an awfully simplistic and see-through strategy for regaining the 'Top Dog in London' tag.
It's almost as if they're being lazy. Or, perhaps some other folk are.
In any event, it seems that whoever is dishing up these stories has made a dog's dinner out of it - they're either bone idle or plain barking up the wrong tree.
Thu 28 Nov
Lesser Lights Shine on Loan Stars
Ah, the Europa League.
A winner from Francis Coquelin, on loan from Arsenal, for Bundesliga strugglers SC Freiburg away to Slovan Liberec put his side back in the hunt for a place in the knock-out rounds, while a goal from Chelsea loanee Thorgan Hazard during a hard-fought win at the DW Stadium briefly brought the Belgian under-21 international out of the shadow of elder brother Eden.
Not that anyone cared, mind you. It's a second-rate competition; that's almost its USP.
There were less people present for Tottenham Hotspur's 2-0 win in Tromso (5,868) than there were at Griffin Park last night to watch Brentford beat Peterborough United (see below).
I hear it's pretty cold up there, in fairness.
Wed 27 Nov
Football League Round-Up
Easily lost amongst the overhyped largesse of UEFA's elite competition, the Football League continues to thrive in the shadows of its continental counterpart before recession and reclination-defying attendances registered right across the board.
In League One, Leyton Orient relinquished top spot but maintained their status among the automatic promotion places with a well-earned 2-2 draw in front of a five-figure audience at Ashton Gate, with David Mooney and Dean Cox on the scoresheet either side of half time in Bristol.
Meanwhile, just over 6,000 witnessed Brentford continue their lung-bursting sprint to join the Os at the summit by securing a 3-2 win to leapfrog opponents Peterborough United and land in fourth, as Chelsea loanee George Saville and Clayton Donaldson both found the net late on to deny the visitors, who had led through second half strikes of their own after Gabriel Zakuani's eye for goal at the wrong end had given the Bees an early lead in West London.
League Two saw a stalemate between two sides, in Dagenham and Redbridge and AFC Wimbledon, likely to settle for a share of the spoils, especially while both aim at consolidating their positions of relative mid-table safety in this most unforgiving of divisions. Top scorer Rhys Murphy netted after the break to keep Daggers' noses in front of those of their hosts, after Michael Smith had put the Dons in the ascendancy just before the half-hour mark in front of nearly 4,000 at Kingsmeadow.
Tue 26 Nov
Nicklas Dendtner
Danish superstar and best-player-in-the-world Nicklas Bendtner disgraces the Arsenal name again in new 'arrest for ridiculously trivial act' shock horror.
Apparently the 25-year-old (that's 25, i.e. 7 long years an adult) with the longest rap sheet of any free man earning over 7 figures, fancied a night out and, this time, managed to get himself nicked and issued with a police caution on suspicion of causing criminal damage to his own front door.
His account of the incident ran: "I went out...meal...family and friends...we all wanted a night swim in my gym...door remained closed...tried to open it...apologise to my neighbours". We are probably all capable of filling in the blanks of this particular summary.
Why does it feel, however, like, unlike the Dane's outrageous delusions of grandeur, there is more to this one than meets the eye? And why does one also suspect that, in contrast to the door in question, his confidence and, therefore, liability to encounter these kinds of mishaps repeatedly in the future, seems unlikely to even be slightly dented?
Mon 25 Nov
A Loan At The Top
On-loan Chelsea starlets Lucas Piazon and Gael Kakuta both scored on Sunday to keep Vitesse Arnhem atop the Eredivisie.
Brazilian Piazon struck twice from the spot before controversy-courting French winger Kakuta came off the bench to seal the win away to the vividly named Go Ahead Eagles and keep their temporary employers two points ahead of nearest rivals Ajax in Holland.
Another Chelsea loanee, Patrick van Aanholt, played 90 minutes as usual at left-back, while Blues colleagues Sam Hutchinson, Cristian Cuevas and Christian Atsu sat out the fixture through varying ailments.
If anyone has a problem with the way in which the West Londoners have supposedly distorted the competition in this country, they'll have a blue fit when laying eyes on the latest Dutch standings.
Sun 24 Nov
Getting Involved
Many have questioned the efforts of matchday stewards at grounds across the country over the years.
The latest offended by their alleged apathy is Leyton Orient manager Russell Slade, who demanded a life ban be dished out to the Swindon Town supporter who invaded the playing area to give his fists a break from scraping by repeatedly swinging them at Os goalkeeper Jamie Jones at the County Ground yesterday.
Slade also noted: "He had a long time in the six-yard box before the stewards did anything."
Easy for you to say Russ but, with minimum wage on offer for staying vigilant in the face of marauding morons while running the risk of being trampled by a passing police horse or perhaps catching a stray punch aimed at one, why on earth would you want to get involved?
This writer likes to think that there are better ways in which they can get involved and have their own fun while they're at it.
Sat 23 Nov
Crystal Pulis
And, after all that, they went with their first choice.
It's been a heck of a ride.
The moral of the story here is: there's no such thing as a risk-free investment. So, if you're Christmas shopping and you see something you like, for God's sake get it. Everything else is just as much of a gamble and likely to be pricier, anyway.
Fri 22 Nov
Os...Ca-ar!
He'll Save Every One of Us
With fixture lists already congested and eyes on a number of different prizes, the last thing anyone needs is a match that threatens the very existence of the human race and, more frighteningly, the world of football.
As part of a bizarre marketing ploy from Chelsea sponsors, Samsung, Blues playmaker Oscar has been added to the growing list of stars booked in for a potentially earth-shattering contest between a 'Galaxy XI' (obligatory #Galaxy11) against a team of aliens.
So far, Franz Beckenbauer has been recruited to lead the heroic task force into battle, with Lionel Messi enrolled early as Captain Marvel.
Dispatch has now confirmed that the Brazilian Oscar is also set to play in tandem with German Wunderkind Mario Gӧtze as part of a second wave behind everyone's favourite Argentine in attack.
Rumours abound that the next player to be SELECTED will be from Juventus, while an England international will be unveiled early next month.
With eight ranks still to fill and the mysterious opposition yet to be announced, this promises to be one of the weirdest and longest-running selection processes since Crystal Palace went searching for a new manager.
Tune into twitter for the future of the planet.
It was a matter of time.
With fixture lists already congested and eyes on a number of different prizes, the last thing anyone needs is a match that threatens the very existence of the human race and, more frighteningly, the world of football.
As part of a bizarre marketing ploy from Chelsea sponsors, Samsung, Blues playmaker Oscar has been added to the growing list of stars booked in for a potentially earth-shattering contest between a 'Galaxy XI' (obligatory #Galaxy11) against a team of aliens.
So far, Franz Beckenbauer has been recruited to lead the heroic task force into battle, with Lionel Messi enrolled early as Captain Marvel.
Dispatch has now confirmed that the Brazilian Oscar is also set to play in tandem with German Wunderkind Mario Gӧtze as part of a second wave behind everyone's favourite Argentine in attack.
Rumours abound that the next player to be SELECTED will be from Juventus, while an England international will be unveiled early next month.
With eight ranks still to fill and the mysterious opposition yet to be announced, this promises to be one of the weirdest and longest-running selection processes since Crystal Palace went searching for a new manager.
Tune into twitter for the future of the planet.
It was a matter of time.
Thu 21 Nov
Buzzwords
Barnet boss Edgar Davids. And, on this occasion, he speaks the truth.
Wed 20 Nov
Who'd Wanna Leave London?
Staycations are all the rage, so we hear, in these straitened times of ours. So, fear not, leading lights of London, for Bognor and Blackpool await!
Home Alone XI (3-5-2):
Petr Cech (Chelsea & Czech Republic); Elsad Zverotic (Fulham & Montenegro), Branislav Ivanovic (Chelsea & Serbia), Vlad Chiriches (Tottenham Hotspur & Romania); Tomas Rosicky (Arsenal & Czech Republic), Aaron Ramsey (Arsenal & Wales), Christian Eriksen (Tottenham Hotspur & Denmark), Gylfi Sigurdsson (Tottenham Hotspur & Iceland), Yannick Bolasie (Crystal Palace & DR Congo); Dimitar Berbatov (Fulham & Bulgaria), Emmanuel Adebayor (Tottenham Hotspur & Togo)
Tue 19 Nov
Quick: Give It To Andro-Oh.
With an expectant roar from the crowd, one heavy touch, a lowered head and a blur of limbs each time the man stationed wide right received the ball, one could be forgiven for thinking that Arsenal's Theo Walcott had made a shock recovery from abdominal injury and was rifling through his repertoire; rifling being the one thing in his repertoire, as far as anyone is aware.
While Walcott has struggled with expectations in an England shirt, his replacement has thrived, due largely to a fearlessness and lethal left foot that offer a certain precocious unpredictability which so entertains the masses on arctic weekday evenings such as these, despite an entirely foreseeable 0-1 scoreline.
Dietmar Hamman, the last ever competitive scorer at the old Wembley Stadium when Germany again edged out England by a single goal, has decried the elevation of Tottenham Hotspur winger Andros Townsend's status in this country to that of saviour, citing the fact that the 22-year-old's career has already involved nine separate loan spells across the country before his belated shot at the big time.
Dirty Didi is right, of course; Townsend's route to the top has taken in more stops than the German team's tube trip to training yesterday, including a brief stint with basement boys Queens Park Rangers earlier this year, before he finally earned his club and international spurs during one mad month at the start of this term. The sight of every attack going through him tonight off the back of two impressive showings against eminently beatable opposition last month was, therefore, vaguely ridiculous.
England's last effort at goal came from an obvious source; a frustrated Townsend deciding that lashing the ball in the rough vicinity of the target was as likely to bear fruit as any other option at his disposal, and this acted as a symbol of his night's input and resulting reward.
Walcott himself started out like this, if memory serves. A hat-trick in Croatia was hotly followed by...no goals for almost four years. Once the latest hot property freezes up, what happens to Plan A? Maybe we'll just go back to giving it to Rooney. Or spend our time focusing on building Jo Hart's confidence and rebuilding Andy Carroll.
Mon 18 Nov
Left Back Where He Belongs
Chelsea's Ashley Cole returns to the England eleven for what promises to be an all-action international against Germany at Wembley tomorrow night, manager Roy Hodgson confirmed today.
The Blues left-back plays from the off alongside Kyle Walker and Andros Townsend of Tottenham Hotspur, with ex-Blue Daniel Sturridge getting the nod up front and former Fulham defender Chris Smalling starting at centre-back.
England line-up in full:
Joe Hart; Kyle Walker, Ashley Cole, Phil Jagielka, Chris Smalling; Steven Gerrard, Tom Cleverley; Andros Townsend, Adam Lallana, Wayne Rooney; Daniel Sturridge
With die Mannschaft set to rest several key performers, the Three Lions will hope to regain some pride, as well as those precious FIFA ranking points - the game's holy grail - with a rejuvenating win on Tuesday.
Sun 17 Nov
Hoops' Figures Circling the Drain
One is never more keenly aware of it being international week than when flicking through the normally sunnier side of Sunday's papers. Two days after the last England game, which was lost in fairly inept fashion, and with a day still to drag by before they ought really to get away with filing previews to the next, journos routinely struggle for filler.
So it is that we are brought the news by the Mail on Sunday (exclusively, natch) that Queens Park Rangers have spent rather a lot of money of late. The exclusive element of this latest take on the finances of Tony Fernandes et al takes the form of a rough number.
It is suggested that, according to some mysterious snitch who clearly spends his days (god only knows what he/she does by night) lurking in a dark corner of the Football League corridors and telling any and all who pass him by the who, how and why on all things fiscal, QPR could be looking at a bill of around £60m this summer on account of their, er, accounts.
It does seem an awful lot of moolah in fairness. Then again, paying Chris Samba £100,000 a week seemed rather a large amount at the time and it hasn't lost any of its impact if you say it now, either.
They really are asking for it, aren't they? It's enough to make you wonder why the devil Fernandes would want to do it (read that sentence with care).
A case of keeping up with the Jones's, per chance? Best of luck with that, Tony.
Sat 16 Nov
West 2 -1 East
Three out of four aint bad.
Despite Leyton Orient relinquishing top spot in League One after slipping to a narrow 0-1 home defeat at the hands of Preston North End today, they may have London company among the automatic promotion places before long, as Brentford continued their scintillating form of late by notching their fifth win on the spin with a 5-0 dispatching of Crewe Alexandra at Griffin Park this afternoon.
A division down, AFC Wimbledon celebrated a victory every bit as emphatic as that of the Bees even if they did register a mere four goal margin in thrashing Portsmouth at home to move up to ninth in the League Two table, while Dagenham and Redbridge consolidated their unexpected mid-table standing with a hard-fought 2-0 triumph over Burton Albion at Victoria Road.
With Welling United being edged out 1-2 at home by Nuneaton Borough in the Skrill Premier before the late kick-off at the same level saw Barnet hold high-flying Cambridge United to a 2-2 draw at the Hive, it was a good day for sides in the capital overall, which made up for England's poor showing at Wembley on Friday night-well, in no way whatsoever.
Still, great weekend for Uwe Rosler, with his Brentford team on the march and his countrymen auf der Weg with seemingly little to fear from Tuesday night's big Brent-based showdown but potentially another Wembley-Tor, what with goal-line technology only being used in the Premier League and up until now not needed in the international arena.
The Germans are so geared up for the friendly, they have declined over half of their maximum allocation for the fixture.
Fri 15 Nov
This
Just this.
What on earth is this?!
Thu 14 Nov
It's Getting Chile
Chelsea veteran Frank Lampard will be honoured with the presentation of a golden cap before captaing the England side against Chile at Wembley on Friday, an exercise in over-elaboration sure to be proudly witnessed by father and fionce watching on in unified awe ordered to commemorate his achieving 100 caps for his country fully three games ago and he has arranged for his two young children to be mascots to mark the occasion.
One thing threatens to rain on Lampard's parade - the midfield meanderer has a cold.
With all the unnecessary importance placed on the England armband, it's hard not to think it would be amusing in the extreme if a case of the sniffles were to spoil his special day, especially if, as is likely, the 35-year-old loses his place for next Tuesday's higher profile clash with Germany at the same venue to Arsenal's Jack Wilshere and the returning Steven Gerrard.
You've got to love international weeks for giving you the big stories.
Wed 13 Nov
2 + 2 = £6.76m: Solve for Why in terms of Ex
Tony Pulis, Martin O'Neill, Chris Coleman, Aitor Karanka, now Rene Meulensteen.
Everyone from international managers past and present to ex-Madridistas and Manchester United-taught tacticians, even unemployed tryers are turning down the Crystal Palace manager's job at the moment.
Add the last name on the above list to your mental picture of Craven Cottage, as Alex-Ferguson's former right-hand man has now pitched up at Fulham to try his hand at turning another ship headed for sizeable rocks, albeit one that is seen as not too immobile to manoeuvre its way to safety in due course.
While these and coaches throughout the cold world of modern management are clambering above one another, either to distance themselves from the Selhurst Park post, to justify taking on an alternative, unenviable challenge or simply to get back in the game, one manager who would surely be seen as a leading candidate for the role sits back, feet up by the fireplace, and counts his blessings.
It is often said that truth is stranger than fiction, especially at Stamford Bridge. But, even for the most profligate of establishments, this one takes some beating, in terms of outright bizarreness, if nothing else.
For the people who run said unabashed establishment are reportedly the reason why Champions League winner Roberto Di Matteo - a man who has not worked for the club in over a year - will almost certainly remain out of the running for the Palace job, even if the uncertainty continues unabated past the latest international break and even beyond the festive programme.
And who can blame him? After all, who would willingly step out from the shadows of their apparently insufficiently compensated Chelsea contract to attempt to rescue the Eagles when they are still being paid a staggering £130,000 per week by their former employers, 12 months down the line from their premature ejection from the premises?
Still, with Premier League purses tattered from holding TV money and ready to raid, it's all nice work if you can get it. Get a real job, Robbie.
Tue 12 Nov
All Change at the Business End
To most of London, January is the month when you cover up. Not so at Stamford Bridge. At Chelsea, the world's first attempt at creating an animated version of a real-life football club, as soon as January hits, modesty goes out of the window.
Fernando Torres, Nicolas Anelka and Demba Ba have each entered Roman Abramovich's personal amusement park to lead the line in the never-ending fight against rival funfairs and, according to The Daily Mirror, Radamel Falcao could be about to join that illustrious list of guest pass holders, should Jose Mourinho's trip to Brussels to see the Columbian in international action prove fruitful.
But it isn't just the Blues who are rumoured to be at it this winter, oh no. Arsenal are being linked with a move for Real Madrid hot-shot Karim Benzema. If that was to go through, Tottenham Hotspur would then reportedly leap to the front of the queue for Lazio's Hernanes, while West Ham United are said to be chasing ex-Manchester City striker Felipe Caicedo.
None of these stories represent anywhere approaching a guarantee and the transfer tales will undoubtedly blow hot and cold from now until February.
However, a storm is certainly coming, with the winds of change appearing to be north-westerly and heading first for the dug-out at Craven Cottage then to its Selhurst Park sister, as both Fulham and Crystal Palace are rumoured to be close to appointing new managers, who will likely demand all that lovely TV money be spent on a man to spearhead their soon-to-be "new-look front-line", rocket the club back up the division and make everyone wonder why the terrific tacticians in the snazzy suits weren't instilled in their respective positions all along.
With that and more in store for the Premier League alone, this World Cup season, which has so far been a slow-burner, could be set to heat up in time for all concerned to acclimatise and prepare for next summer and those frustratingly faraway beaches of Brazil.
Mon 11 Nov
Testing Ties for London Trio
FA Cup Second Round Draw
(Selected fixtures):
Carlisle United v Brentford
Lincoln City or Plymouth Argyle v Welling United
Leyton Orient v Walsall
Ties to be played over the weekend of 7/8 December
Sun 10 Nov
Now Who's the W***** David?
Following the faintly ridiculous furore that recently engulfed, well, just poor old Rafael Honigstein in the end, BT Sport will be glad at sending shockwaves for all the right reasons today with news of the broadcaster's eye-watering £897m three-year deal for exclusive rights to show live Champions League football from 2015.
Honigstein could only apologise last week after the German journalist was disciplined by his paymasters for imitating former Tottenham Hotspur dribbler David Ginola's previous, quite ludicrous lack of awareness while making a certain cupped-handed, horizontal-gliding gesture towards presenter Jake Humphreys live on camera.
But, just as viewers were beginning to doubt the BT revolution's capability of living up to its own grandiose hype, a new level of largesse has steered punters away from thoughts of Michael Owen, Mark Halsey and Gary McAllister gagged and bound in the boots of their cars and towards those of who might be set to replace them.
In the interests of this blog, it may be prudent to look across the capital for the kind of in-depth analysis you expect from established ex-London stars already making their mark on European football coverage as we speak, such as...Glenn-no, scratch that, Ray-oh wait, hang on.
Hmm...
Well, there's always Ian Wright, isn't there? I'm sure he's available. He's always available. And not in the Xavi/Andres Iniesta/Sergio Busquets way. That would require a combination of hard work and intelligence from Arsenal's hero only to himself and most of his time and energy these days is taken up unlearning live on Radio Five.
Sat 9 Nov
Mourinho's Special Forces on March
Former Real Madrid defender and assistant manager Aitor Karanka is now the front-runner for a seat in the Crystal Palace dug-out. This would take the total proportion of Premier League managers to have worked under Jose Mourinho - if we include the 'Special One' himself, assuming he, essentially, is guided by himself, but an ordinary being, and not by some greater, all-powerful spirit - to an alarming one-quarter.
Quite aside from Chelsea's influence being felt from Stoke City to Sunderland, where former players reside, and even in Manchester where City are led by a man over whom Mourinho appears to hold a curse (continued by whatever voodoo practice compelled Joe Hart into his Forrest Gump impression last month), top-six rivals Tottenham Hotspur and Liverpool also employ ex-Jose-disciples, possibly in a bid to replicate the Portuguese tactician's unprecedented success across a range of footballing cultures.
Today, Mourinho faces another one-time assistant and legendary Blues defender in Steve Clarke when the Scotsman's West Bromwich Albion side pay a visit to his Specialness in his Stamford Bridge fiefdom.
Many will feel disconcerted, if not downright petrified, for the state of the game should the tanks keep being parked and the notes fired. (For a less xenophobic and economic-based and more football-oriented analogy, imagine buses parking up and, to focus on Jose rather than his employers, perhaps, salvos or even fingers being fired - in the latter case hooked and aimed towards our eyes.)
However, if the dour tone dominant throughout most of the so-called 'Happy One''s second stint in SW6 is what we can look forward to again today - let's face it, Scotsmen and Clarke in particular are no strangers to sullenness - we have more pressing issues at hand. Complaints about fixture lists do not a paper sell, let alone a stadium fill. No-one is laughing at you, Jose. Worse still, no-one is laughing with you.
This is England, old boy. Moaning is not special; more like mundane. Unless, of course, that cheeky chagrin were to make a comeback. Then, all would be forgiven and we would heartily laugh along with each and every one of your cynical, calculated and downright condescending criticisms.
If the doom-mongers are to be believed and you are, in fact, here to kill us all, the least you could do is carry out your mission with kindness and give us a laugh or two along the way.
Fri 8 Nov
Holtby Wants Bruchweg Boys Reunion in London
Tottenham Hotspur playmaker Lewis Holtby has been touting his fellow countrymen to all and sundry on this side of the Channel, with a number of household names making his cut.
Now, despite a fairly lacklustre pair of performances for Schalke 04 against Chelsea recently, I think we can agree on his assessment of Julian Draxler:
“Draxler is
on the list of every big team. He is a fantastic
young player and I think a lot of money will probably be spent on him."
His mention of Borussia Dortmund's increasingly influential and marauding pace-man Marco Reus, following two decent displays against Arsenal over the past fortnight, in the same bracket as his fellow youngster is equally understandable.
But why, I hear you ask, out of the myriad of young prospects constantly emerging from his native Germany, would he select Hungarian striker Adam Szalai; a player who did not make the first eleven for Schalke's home tie with the Blues and, upon being called upon at Stamford Bridge in the return fixture, proceeded to waste his side's most presentable opening by dragging wide from inside the area?
It could be that, with Andre Schurrle now safely settled in across the river in SW6, he is slowly looking to get the old gang back together. For, back in 2010, Holtby, Schurrle and Szalai were dubbed The Bruchweg Boys after the stadium's name at 1. FSV Mainz 05, where the trio starred in an exciting and expansive outfit that took the Bundesliga by storm during Holtby's season spent on loan in the West.
But it wasn't just for their on-field harmony that the three players were renowned. Following one infamous goal celebration, they were thrust into another sort of spotlight and asked to let their fans do the head nodding and feet tapping while they performed not as an attacking triumvirate but as a three-man band, with hilariously cringeworthy consequences.
“It’s also
great to have other German players in London, good to speak a bit of German,
and more and more of them will come. Every German player is welcome in
England.” Holtby explained.
Not every German made his list, though. Perhaps, while it is good to speak German, it is better still to sing it. If nothing else, you have to admire the lad's gumption for even considering a comeback.
Thu 7 Nov
Capital Influence on Wembley Wane?
Just seven of England's squad to face Chile and Germany at Wembley later this month come from London clubs, with that number likely to fall further once Ashley Cole's recurring rib complaint and Jack Wilshere's enduring ankle ailment are assessed by the national medical team.
Chelsea do supply Frank Lampard to England HQ for the umpteenth time, as well as Gary Cahill, who appears to be the capital's only guaranteed starter, particularly after offering another assured defensive showing against German opposition last night as the Blues held off the Königsblaue (Royal Blues; nickname of Schalke 04) at Stamford Bridge.
Kieran Gibbs, Leighton Baines' competition as Cole's understudy, also impressed at the back in Arsenal's crucial 'snatch and grab' victory in Dortmund, as both London sides kept clean sheets against their respective opponents from the Ruhr region - albeit one was more comfortable than the other - with Gunners colleague Wilshere not featuring for his club side yet deemed suitably fit to be called up by Roy Hodgson today.
For Tottenham Hotspur, the only other London team represented in the Three Lions roster - despite Ravel Morrison's excellent recent form for West Ham United - Kyle Walker has been selected to again potentially rampage down the right flank in tandem with team-mate Andros Townsend, with both hoping for the opportunity to provide ammunition to the last of the London contingent, Jermain Defoe, who will look to make amends for a lack of league action thus far this term by starring once more for Spurs in Europe this evening, as they welcome Moldovan Champions Sheriff Tiraspol to White Hart Lane.
Wed 6 Nov
Torres, Soldado, Riether...FA Open the Floodgates
Sometimes the FA just ask for it, don't they?
After Chelsea's Fernando Torres escaped action based on the governing body's own rules insisting that a decision is final once an official has seen a "coming together", i.e. at least part of an incident, it was confirmed yesterday that Tottenham Hotspur striker Roberto Soldado will also avoid sanction on this basis for his blatant elbow to the ribs of Everton's Phil Jagielka on Sunday.
Now Fulham are seeking to explore the loophole created by the new wording of the law, incorporated during the summer, by contesting Sacha Riether's charge for Saturday's stamp on Adnan Januzaj of Manchester United, despite the full-back himself admitting guilt and stating he is ready to accept any consequences that come his way.
As illustrated in this column on 30 September (see below), the Football Association really have painted themselves into a corner on this one. When a player comes clean and confesses that his conduct has been inappropriate and, further, that he is deserving of punishment but his club still feel able to mount a defence in his name, surely something has to give.
Once again, the summer AGM is likely to be taken up by in-fighting and lobbying to fix rules that were unbroken to begin with, at the expense of areas of the game in genuine need of address, such as racism and anti-semitic behaviour, institutionalised homophobia and other forms of intolerance still prevalent throughout the sport, not to mention the future of young English footballers and coaching hopefuls.
Tue 5 Nov
Jermain's Secret Love
One portion of Jermain Defoe's wide-ranging and refreshingly engaging interview, taken from ITV4 show Sports Life Stories and reported in the Daily Mirror today, will likely not sit well with fans of either West Ham United or current employers Tottenham Hotspur, as the pocket-rocket striker professes his undying love for the club he asked to leave - eventually doing so amid much acrimony - over a decade ago.
But it is another love spoken of in said dialogue that is bound to unsettle those beyond both sides of this heated London rivalry as Defoe, who claimed to have gazed upon Arsenal and Crystal Palace legend Ian Wright from his bedroom as a child, has now added Paulo Di Canio to his growing list of man-crushes, saying of the former Hammers posterboy:
“The first
thing I noticed about Paolo was how tight his shorts were.
“I am not
lying – he had size small. If you go to the West Ham shop, it is the kiddies’
size.
“I said,
‘Paolo, why is your kit so tight?’ He said it was because when his kit is tight
and he gets in certain situations in the game and players try to pull his
shirt, because it is so tight to him, they cannot pull it and he can get away
from people.
“Unbelievable
player. Someone who always looked after himself. Always tanned. Legs always
smooth.
“Genius.
Every game, he was the best player on the pitch. I am not going to lie. I
ordered small shorts.”
The Mirror use their article to drop a not-so-subtle hint that Defoe may be angling for a return to his former home with his declaration of lingering love; what with his one Premier League appearance this season and the Irons' ongoing issues in the striking department.
Perhaps there is an even more sophisticated and understated message hidden coyly between those lines that is just waiting to break out of the bottle gently floating towards the shores of ITV studios.
Yes it's crude, but the quotes "The first thing I noticed..." and "Legs always smooth" surely challenge any reader not to instinctively raise their eyebrows, before wondering what he sees in the crazed right-winger. At least he didn't mention the sideburns.
Mon 4 Nov
Spurs Consolation as Roma Run Aground
Amidst the furore surrounding Hugo Lloris' sleepwalking and the disappointment of another goalless afternoon on Merseyside yesterday, Tottenham Hotspur fans could console themselves in the knowledge that one of their proudest records remains intact after a scare in Italy last night.
AS Roma had threatened to overhaul Tottenham's tally of 11 straight wins from the start of their double-winning 1960-61 season - a benchmark across all five top European leagues - before coming acropper in Turin last night, as Torino held the team from the Italian capital and became, incredibly, only the second side to score against the Romans this term.
Missing talisman Francesco Totti and former Arsenal forward Gervinho through injury, as well as suspended defensive lynchpin Leandro Castan, Roma did take the lead through summer signing Kevin Strootman and were less than half an hour from levelling Spurs' score, only for Torino's top scorer Alessio Cerci endeared himself to the white half of North London by equalising and helping his side hold out for a point.
Still regarded as the club's best ever season, the success brought by the side of '61 was founded upon a quite astounding start, which kicked off with a win over Everton at White Hart Lane. Today's team were unable to replicate that feat at Goodison Park yesterday, however, dropping two vital points and, in doing so, depriving London of a top three hegemony with Spurs now sitting fourth behind Liverpool on goal difference, primarily due to their meagre haul of nine goals from their opening 10 encounters.
Despite a solid beginning to 2013-14, Andre Villas-Boas and his boys have a long way to go before being able to emulate Bill Nicholson's all-conquering squad, it seems, what with Danny Blanchflower and co. having notched a stunning 115 goals over the course of their 42-match campaign.
Sun 3 Nov
Llorisky Business
When does a player's behaviour cross the waters from the confines of traditional 'English' bravery to a more extraneous and slightly surreal style of stupidity?
There was a very old-fashioned feel to Tottenham Hotspur goalkeeper Hugo Lloris's decision to play on despite having fallen prey to the groggy effects of a good old knees-up at the feet of on-loan Chelsea striker Romelu Lukaku at White Hart Lane today.
Remarkably, the Everton frontman was taken off shortly after the collision with an ice-pack wrapped around one of his treetrunks. Even more astonishingly, Spurs' French stopper refused to follow suit, with only 10 minutes left on the clock and his captain, famed English lionheart defender Michael Dawson, imploring him to put safety first and head for the showers/nearest MRI machine pronto.
Some would say that the incident acted as a wonderful reversal of unwanted stereotypes still prevalent throughout the game and, indeed, society in spite of their roots lying in times when the Football Association was a mere twinkle in the Freemasons' beady little eyes.
However, with the game's oldest governing body celebrating its 150th anniversary last week, we would all do well to cast our minds back to that first meeting on 26 October 1863, when London's Blackheath FC refused to become a founding member as they felt that removing the rule permitting "hacking or kicking an opponent on the leg" would
"do away with all the courage and pluck from the game". Courage, indeed.
The now Rugby club's then-Treasurer, Francis Maule-Campbell, was responsible for this bold-as-brass claim and went on to insist that, were the law to be abolished, "I will be
bound to bring over a lot of Frenchmen who would beat you with a week’s
practice".
After the game, Lloris's manager, Andre Villas-Boas defended the decision, which he insists was his own, to leave his keeper on by commenting: "He doesn't remember it so he lost consciousness. It was
a big knock but he looked composed and ready to continue".
Skipper Dawson added, "I lead those boys but safety is the most important
thing. He was in a bad way but by the time he came around he was wanting to
stay on. He's a little bit dazed but he's a lot better."
So maybe the stereotypes were always wrong, or maybe the French are simply getting braver with each new generation. It could be that they have now become so brave as to verge on vacuousness. One could venture that this genetic disposition forced Lloris to continue or, on a similar theme, that his hard-headedness was down to a case of, well, er, genuine hard-headedness that has converted those over the Channel into far greater competitors.
Perhaps. Or perhaps it was the sight of arch-rival Brad Friedel readying himself to come on and potentially make a match-saving intervention in the remaining moments of this crucial clash that served as smelling salts and revived him in the nick of (added on) time to see out the match and claim the clean sheet. Especially as it took so long for the France number one to depose his American counterpart last term.
They're no mugs, those cheese-eating surrender monkeys, that's for sure.
Dispatch of the Day
Jose Mourinho after watching Chelsea slip to a costly defeat at St. James' Park:
"I made 11 mistakes with my team selection, 11 mistakes"
A ringing endorsement of his side's clearly cohesive display, if ever you've seen one.
Fri 1 Nov
Not so Noisy Neighbours
Excitement builds as Arsenal look to avoid back-to-back-to-back home defeats across three competitions in an eye-watering clash with Liverpool tomorrow in north London, not that you would know it, according to some.
After Andre Villas-Boas criticised Tottenham Hotspur fans for a lack of audible intent during their narrow league victory over Hull City on Sunday, then praised those same supporters - seemingly as part of some ongoing PR exercise - for their efforts in getting one over identical opposition via Wednesday night's dramatic Capital One Cup shootout, it is little wonder football followers the length and breadth of the country feel undervalued.
Responsibility for creating an atmosphere lies with players, management and spectators alike. Not to mention ground staff, whose efforts were derided by both sections of the crowd following Tuesday's visit of Chelsea to Emirates Stadium, with one away fan tweeting that there was "a ridiculous lack of organisation causing a huge delay in getting in plus kids and women getting crushed etc" and encouraging those affected to contact the Football Supporters' Federation (FSF).
What is certain is that the Gunners will need all the ammunition they can muster to see off the resurgent Reds - what with Daniel Sturridge and, in particular, Luis Suarez enjoying a run of resplendence in the final third; their side buoyant after their best start to a Premier League season and bolstered by the return to fitness of subtle yet clinical trequartista Phillipe Coutinho.
Home supporters will hopefully not be left longing for these days of relative quiet, should another reversal lead them back to their deafening loss of opening-day decorum.
Thu 31 Oct
It Aint All Fun and Games Ash
Ashley Cole apparently wants to be a scout once he hangs up his boots. The Chelsea left-back, when asked as to his future before the club's in-house TV channel, opined:
"I am looking for a scouting job to be honest. I enjoy watching football. It would be nice to watch the young players play, hopefully scout a few players and watch them on to international level."
He makes it sound so easy, doesn't he? But it is not all living it up with Arsene Wenger and signing Andy Carrol for £35m. After all, there is only one Damien Comolli.
The disparate nature of those motorway-eroding talent-spotters at the lower end of the spectrum and those whom Cole will have encountered in elite circles is distinct and can be seen in all its desperation in Michael Calvin's The Nowhere Men, with a taster also provided here.
Let's just hope that, when Cole is told he will be rewarded for compiling a detailed report on a player with the princely sum of £4, he is not behind the wheel at the time.
Wed 30 Oct
Parish Patiently Seeks New Leader
Rumours suggest Crystal Palace co-owner Steve Parish and his advisers will not rush into appointing a new manager having parted company with Ian Holloway last week, with caretaker boss Keith Millen set to take charge again at The Hawthorns on Saturday.
Amongst a host of contenders presently employed across the domestic game, the name of Tony Pulis was originally touted; the out-of-work former Stoke City taskmaster having reportedly held talks with Eagles chiefs on Monday. Now talk turns to the international arena and, specifically, both Martin O'Neill, who is also a leading candidate for the Republic of Ireland job, and Chris Coleman; ex-stalwart defender in SE25 and current Wales head honcho.
The club have also not ruled out a complete change in thinking by way of a combined coaching appointment of both a young training-ground tactician and a more experienced head to handle the media and oversee from on high.
This is all excellent. Finally, some measured, strategic thinking appears to be in place (let's ignore the scrawling of Neil Warnock's name from within the well-carved frame for the moment).
It is hard not to condescendingly muse, however, that had the club shown this kind of consideration during the summer transfer window, rather than employing the scattergun approach to recruitment that saw two new signings overlooked for their 25-man squad through necessity seemingly unbeknownst to all at the time of their arrivals, they would not have this sort of time on their hands with which to make this crucial decision, as the hapless Holloway might have by now earned a little longer in the job through, say, more than one win from his side's first nine outings. Or maybe less than eight losses.
Although, when stories such as that of poor old Florian Marange and other - not quite as poor or old - dissenting players emerge, one thought is inescapable: 'Olly was not long for this surly south London world. His successor may encounter similar ill-fortune from an increasingly odd-tasting Selhurst Park chalice.
Tue 29 Oct
Bale-on D'or...? Oh.
Ever since the world game's governing body stole Europe's 'Golden Ball', conceived and presided over by the good people at France Football from 1956 until its 'merge' with the World Player of the Year title three years ago to create the all-encompassing and, frankly, quite unsettling accolade: the FIFA Ballon d'Or, the award has known only one winner.
That this mysterious gentleman needs not be named is testament to the great man's extraordinary consistency in exhibiting his breathtaking abilities.
This year, however, after four years of unrivalled success in Switzerland, the modern day Maradonna may have finally met his match, if not quite on the pitch then, at least, in the polls.
Franck Ribery has already been bestowed with the UEFA Best Player in Europe tag, the revamped UEFA Club Footballer of the Year award decided by journalists in Monaco, having led Bayern Munich to an unprecedented treble in Germany and on the continent.
Independent in its attitude to taxation, the Principality will surely not have veered too far from its footballing duty by handing its crown to the Frenchman. Although, last year it did stretch the mould if not completely break it by voting in Andres Iniesta for its top honour.
And what of Gareth Bale?
Yep. No, that one pretty much answers itself doesn't it.
The former Tottenham Hotspur attacker - that may be the only safe way of referring to the Welshman following Saturday's Clasico - has made the 23-man shortlist announced today, along with Chelsea's enigmatic wing wizard Eden Hazard and Arsenal Neuzugang Mesut Özil, along with a host of other talent that eluded the three London clubs in the transfer market and even ones that had once been on the roster and now just scream 'ex who got away', such as Arjen Robben; scorer of the Champions League winner in May and victim of Jose Mourinho's personality in his first stint at the Blues' helm many managers ago.
Coach of the Year will likely go to the now retired Jupp Heynckes of the aforementioned hitherto unwitnessed Bavarian triumphs. But among those who may potter along for the inevitable free banquet and TV time will be Mourinho, Gunners boss Arsène Wenger and ex-Chelsea chief-ahem, interim chief, Rafael Benitez, currently of Serie A's SSC Napoli, on the back of his Europa League exploits with the west Londoners last term.
Not to mention former Chelsea head coach Carlo Ancelotti, now of Real Madrid. Not to mention, of course, former Chelsea head coach...wait, have I had a stroke? Oh, ok. It says here-No. No, it can't be. It is, you know. Luis Felipe Scolari. He of dropping Drogba fame who used to pronounce it "Chels-ee-ar" and who is now set to try for a second World Cup winner's medal as he leads Brazil into a tournament on their own soil for the first time since 1950 as one of the favourites.
In the words of another bloke up for the coaching award for the last time: "Football - bloody hell".
We'll be using language a lot stronger than that should Bale end up taking the stroll onto that Zurich podium on January 13.
Mon 28 Oct
AVB Provokes Storm among Spurs Fans
Following his side's hard-fought home victory over Hull City yesterday, Tottenham Hotspur boss Andre Villas-Boas sent a thundering message to the club's fans by proclaiming:
"We have a wonderful set of fans but I'm pretty sure they can do better and they know that they can do better".
His outburst gave rise to a deluge of criticism from the Spurs faithful on BBC's 606 radio show last night, most of whom were baying for a blitz of attacking football against opposition seemingly intent only on weathering the storm.
"I think this victory belongs to the players. They did it [by] themselves, we looked like the away team today in a very difficult atmosphere with almost no support coming. Away from home their support has been amazing. We play with no fear and full confidence and that's why we have beaten all of the records away from home" insisted the young manager, with no little bravado.
Former mentor and current occupant of his old Chelsea hot-seat, Jose Mourinho, also used his programme notes to encourage interaction from his own adoring public in similar - yet, surprisingly, perhaps less controversial - fashion yesterday.
However, whereas the 'Special One' ended up celebrating among those same supporters before the final whistle and, in doing so, actively antagonising those in the opposing dug-out, AVB, who enjoys an excellent relationship with the paying punters at White Hart Lane, may find himself alienating his following and playing into the hands of away teams in future fixtures in N17.
On the other hand, with Spurs' next three domestic engagements in North London taking in the visits of rivals Manchester United and Liverpool, the Portuguese may have called upon his enduring popularity on the terraces to issue a timely reminder of the impact required from a patient yet demanding home contingent, should their team hold loftier ambitions than that of previous seasons and wish to effect a wind of change at the top of the Premier League tree.
Sky Blues on their way to Capital
A tempestuous fixture awaits for AFC Wimbledon when Coventry City come to town in the first round of the FA Cup, with the Dons needing to raise their game in order to get past the in-form Sky Blues.
Meanwhile, League One high-fliers Leyton Orient and Brentford will fear a visit from the 'magic of the cup' next month when they host Southport and either Staines Town or Poole Town respectively.
Barnet and Dagenham and Redbridge face hazardous trips to more feted opposition as the tournament proper kicks into full swing, while Welling United welcome not-too-distant Skrill Premier rivals Luton Town to Park View Road.
Fa Cup First Round Draw
(Selected fixtures):
Bristol City v Dagenham and Redbridge
AFC Wimbledon v Coventry City
Preston North End v Barnet
Brentford v Staines Town or Poole Town
Leyton Orient v Southport
Welling United v Luton Town
Ties to be played 9/10 November
Sun 27 Oct
Round Up: Firing Former and Future Gunners
Saturday lunchtime's London derby proved a fascinating spectacle with Arsenal eventually overcoming a manager-less yet stubborn Crystal Palace outfit, who will feel hard-done-by to have come away from the game without a share of the spoils to show for their endeavour, having hit the bar and forced a world-class save from Wojciech Szczesny before their opponents made it 2-0 to stay ahead of the Premier League pack.
With the pressure eased at Fulham, however, following back-to-back wins, Martin Jol watched his players succumb to in-form Southampton at St.Mary's and will now anxiously await the visit of Manchester United to Craven Cottage next weekend as he attempts to steer the ship towards a position of mid-table comfort.
It was another eventful matchday in the Football League, too, as Queens Park Rangers lost the big game at the Championship summit 2-0 at Turf Moor but Millwall claimed a vital point away to Reading with a Liam Trotter penalty right at the death continuing their recent revival to take them four points clear of the drop-zone.
Down a division, Brentford and Leyton Orient both recorded solid 1-0 home wins over Shrewsbury Town and Rotherham United respectively, a third straight success for the Bees putting them back among the play-off places and within 11 points of leaders Orient, who bounced back from the loss of their unbeaten record in midweek by way of Kevin Lisbie's scrappy but clinical strike; his 10th league goal of a so far stellar campaign.
In League Two, AFC Wimbledon are winless in five after defeat at home to Oxford United and slip to 15th in the table as all Neal Ardley's side's good early-season work is slowly undone. Meanwhile, Dagenham and Redbridge have experienced an upturn in fortune of late and are riding high again following victory over Rochdale, Medy Elito notching a terrific brace to see his team sat outside the play-off spots only by virtue of an inferior goal difference - unwanted residue from previous lapses at the start of this term.
It was also a mixed weekend for the Arsenal production line of strikers, with Chris Kiwomya sacked as manager of League One Notts County, while Jay-Emmanuel Thomas scored a perfect (right foot, left foot, head) hat-trick to take Bristol City off the bottom of the Championship.
Rhys Murphy, another ex-N5 resident, also scored for the Daggers to help knock their opponents off top-spot in League Two and current loanee Chuks Aneke came off the bench to hit the bar with a smart volley on the swivel before setting up a consolation for Crewe Alexandra at Bramall Lane.
Sat 26 Oct
Arsenal All High and Mighty
Coming into
the campaign amidst the stench of accusations they were partaking in certain extra-curricular activites -
with or without inhaling is unclear - Arsenal are positively flying so far this
season, having bounced back from disappointment at home to Borussia Dortmund in
midweek to record their seventh win in eight league games away to Crystal Palace on Saturday to remain atop the
domestic pile.
Seriously guys, talk to frank. Or, alternatively, talk to this guy (depending on where you're at in the process)...
Fri 25 Oct
Joker Jol Knows his Audience
"Don't forget he's Scottish so I had to pay for my own ticket - he never gave me my money back", said Fulham manager Martin Jol yesterday of Sir Alex Ferguson, the man who apparently just will not go away, as he recalled visiting the former Manchester United boss to discuss becoming his assistant in 2004.
Jol is a brave man. Having defended Roy Hodgson's awkwardly-told 'Space Monkey' joke at Wembley with the faintly ominous assertion that "if the boys would tell you all the stories I tell them, I would be in big trouble", he has now chosen to make a xenophobic remark amidst the current climate of anti-prejudice uproar.
With the FA Commission, CSKA Moscow officials and Hodgson all coming in for criticism as a result of ill-considered conduct in this arena within the last fortnight alone, he is a big man skating on thin ice. Had the word "Scottish" been replaced by the word "Jewish", for instance, he would have been cast as villain far more vociferously than supporters of his former club Tottenham Hotspur have been recently.
Luckily, Jol knows where the line is in this country and it is most certainly not along Hadrian's Wall. As long as it's about the Scots (and, one could argue, Ferguson in particular), he could probably get away with saying just about anything. Even that they are paying for sins committed in a previous life - like a certain Spurs predecessor - or that they have a funny way of running, as with Ferguson's observation about Jordan Henderson, as the blow-by-blow backlash to Fergie's autobiography brings us to what must now surely be the dregs of public interest, let alone outrage.
Thu 24 Oct
Olly's Off on his Holidays
How to turn a dream promotion into a nightmare resignation, with former Crystal Palace manager Ian Holloway:
1. Immediately negate euphoria around the club after unexpectedly gaining promotion by insisting the team is "on a hiding to nothing" next season.
2. Amidst the fanfare of a new Barcelona-esque kit, collaborations with American Cheerleaders and that magical moment when ghosts are given up and stadium naming rights are granted, wisely choose to leave most of your meaningful transfer business until late August.
3. At which point, take your tally of incoming players to 16, with the bulk of expenditure gambled on a young, unproven striker who was playing non-league football just 12 months previously. Oh, and re-sign the 40-year-old whippet who got you here to balance things out.
4. Just to be on the safe side, add two more forwards: one, a Stoke City reject; the other, an overpaid underwhelmer with a reputation as being a wild-child - Vegas orgy, anyone? - with an even wilder haircut. And if you can't get him, get the other one.
5. On the remaining dressing-room seats, place bums you have worked with in previous unmitigated successes at this level. Reassure hipsters by signing a 20-year-old Spanish playmaker, to ensure they do not get the wrong idea about the football you intend to play.
6. Make room for these canny new additions by removing other new additions from your squad. Show off your stunning nouse and strategical know-how by instantly alienating two of your fresh-faced newcomers, watching them visibly age as you struggle to explain to them why a 25-man Premier League roster is simply not large enough for them to feature before January, despite the promises of first-team football. Blame the PC-Brigade, if at all possible.
6. Of your first eight games, lose seven and win just one; that against the only club both below you in the table and more closely resembling a circus at present. During your opening encounter, receive a fine and touchline ban for aggressively crying conspiracy and putting the onus for the winner on officials for failing to give a 50-50 decision approximately three-quarters of an hour before the ball went in.
7. Receive a lesson in quality from, of all people, Fulham in front of your own fans. Allow the opposing manager to compare Pajtim Kasami to Marco van Basten and make Steve Sidwell look like Steven Gerrard.
8. Panic and attempt to hand in your resignation, only to be told that you can't even be trusted to get that done properly.
9. Return two days later, finally do it right and admit to losing "the spirit of the group" as an explanation. Take sole responsibility for the side's shortcomings.
But do mention that "I hold myself and Steve [Parish, Palace co-chairman] both responsible" and also that "Some of the new lads, their attitude, I'm finding it slightly annoying and that ain't right". Don't forget to mention how "exhausted" you are from working all but five days during the summer (like most people) and define the period of not working as "five days when I didn't ring Steve through the day", giving the impression that Steve was doing most of the working.
10. Recommend Tony Pulis as your successor.
Wed 23 Oct
When Gaining Leverage Goes Wrong
Rumours abound as to the behaviour of Tottenham Hotspur Chairman Daniel Levy during the unyielding Gareth Bale transfer saga this summer, with some reports suggesting that he insisted - at the expense of any potential settlement - on Real Madrid dismantling a stage prematurely constructed in anticipation of the deal being done, only for the Spanish giants to rebuild the platform two days later.
Now Borussia Dortmund's in-form wing wizard and conqueror of Arsenal last night, Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, has confirmed that he will never join the Lilywhites, following negotiations last June that began with Spurs stating their intentions of enlisting the Gabonese's services but ended abruptly when "everything became a bit weird".
Levy has earned a reputation as a boardroom pitbull, which has served the club's coffers remarkably well in recent years. But eventually the time will come when fans at White Hart Lane and beyond will be clamouring to know, just what on earth does he do to these people?
Sorry Steve
You have to feel sorry for Steve Sidwell, don't you?
It would take a heart as hard as Daniel Levy's head not to feel for a man who had scored a goal of this quality to give his Fulham side the lead at Selhurst Park and help them to victory yet still ended the evening discussing another's exploits in front of goal that night.
"It is not just goal of the season but is up there with one of the greatest goals scored", conceded the down-to-earth midfielder of team-mate Pajtim Kasami's chest and volley from another planet on Monday.
"It had the whole package. He is sprinting at full pace when the ball is being delivered, he takes it on the chest with a fantastic touch and then puts a wonder volley on it, all in one action. For me, it is going to be up there with the greatest of all time."
Congratulations and commiserations in equal measure to Sidwell, then, as the unassuming ex-Arsenal, Brentford and Chelsea anchorman gave footballers everywhere the ABCs in keeping your head over the ball and then getting it through the door on the way home.
Tue 22 Oct
It Never Rains but Pours Great Goals in London
It could be argued that 2013-14's top three goals to date have arrived like London buses and have all come in the capital:
1. Jack Wilshere, Arsenal Emirates Stadium, north London, Saturday 19 October 2013
2. Pajtim Kasami, Fulham Selhurst Park, south-east London, Monday 21 October 2013
3. Ravel Morrison, West Ham United White Hart Lane, north London, Sunday 6 October 2013
When an exercise in barely restrained ferocity such as that produced by Fulham's luckless Steve Sidwell can't make the cut, even at this stage, you know that standards are high.
Special mention must also go to Tottenham Hotspur man of the moment Andros Townsend for this piledriver at Wembley eleven days ago.
The Match of the Day team will have their work cut out for them selecting October's Goal of the Month, let alone the strike of the season and should surely revisit their policy of nominating only a single entry from each calendar month for its end of term grand prize.
Mon 21 Oct
Officials in the Line of Fire
Not a good weekend for assistant referees across the continent, then.
Shenanigans at Stamford Bridge that saw Chelsea awarded a ridiculous goal despite arguably two offsides and a keeper being tackled in blatant contravention of one of the game's most basic laws following a "ghost goal" in Germany, where Bayer Leverkusen profited from more inept officiating with a winner that went in via a hole in the side netting, recreating images of Net Capital favourite Clive Allen and Freddie Sears' exasperation in the colours of Crystal Palace in years gone by.
Far more seriously, to top it all off, yesterday a linesman was hit by a smoke bomb thrown from the Tottenham Hotspur section of Villa Park, leading to the arrests of two men aged 25 and 47; whether they were part of a father-son bonding exercise gone wrong or just an unorthodox friendship remains to be seen.
Either way, there should be no doubt that adjudicating in all its forms is still one of the toughest jobs around, for an assortment of obvious and unexpected reasons.
Sun 20 Oct
'Arry Drops Ball in Dramatic Derby
Any publicity is good publicity, as the saying goes.
But for Queens Park Rangers manager Harry Redknapp and the much-maligned Millwall fans, they will likely awaken this morning wishing the spotlight would, for once, stop falling on them.
In the dying embers of yesterday's London derby at The Den, first Rs assistant manager Joe Jordan then boss Redknapp were struck in the head by the ball thrown from the home support, with the former reportedly suffering cuts around his eye as a result of the impact forcing his glasses into his face and with both so incensed by the supporters' behaviour that they missed their team concede a last-minute equaliser and, with it, vital ground in the Championship title race.
After the controversy courted by Redknapp's recent autobiography serialisation and the trouble with opposition staff in the south London stands already on the rap sheet this season, this was the last thing that either party wanted from their Saturday afternoon.
Still, it was a cracking game by all accounts; a great result for the Lions, too, whose manager, Steve Lomas, will be delighted with the distraction as his side slowly recover their confidence and begin to ease away from the drop zone following a disastrous start to the campaign.
Sat 19 Oct
Stop Stoppages
Sent to the stands (or more accurately, shunted three rows back from the dug-out giving him, if anything, a slightly better view of proceedings) at Stamford Bridge on Saturday, Jose Mourinho was incandescent following his side's weekend win and failed to turn up for the post-match briefings due to a row over time-wasting tactics during Chelsea's 4-1 win over Cardiff City.
From Peter Whittingham waltzing over to the corner flag upon each set-piece awarded to the Bluebirds, through goalkeeper David Marshall's long-overdue caution early in the second half and culminating in the telling change in urgency once the game began to run away from them, no-one from the Welsh capital emerged from west London smelling entirely of roses on the time-keeping front.
However, when their hosts then mulled over a throw-in themselves with the score at 2-1 to the home side, the referee's impatience, having allowed so much contrived sauntering up until that point to go unpunished, proved too much for Mourinho to stomach and the Portuguese manager's rage earned him a short trip into the East Stand Lower, which he accepted in time-honoured fashion.
The most blatant cause for the pensioner's pace on show in SW6, however, came when home skipper John Terry, who had interrogated the officials throughout the contest over the guests' seeming determination to enjoy life in the London bus lane, forced a plainly embarassed ball boy to delay a re-start, late in the match.
With Cesar Azpilicueta demanding the ball from the bemused child, Terry calmly but firmly and repeatedly motioned with downward-facing palms for him to ignore the increasingly desperate pleas of the Spanish right-back and this went on for so long that Cardiff striker Fraizer Campbell was eventually forced to intervene, collecting the ball from an advertising hoarding, behind which the youngster was now cowering in fear of a reprimand. Referee's assistant Andy Garratt, standing no more than 10 feet away for the duration of the regrettable yet somehow hilariously surreal incident, did nothing.
Goalkeepers and officialdom had more pertinent issues to which to attend in the aftermath of this match, considering the nature of all bar two of the goals during the afternoon, but a look at this whole depressing tale does raise the issue of stoppages and how much the game should be allowed to flow if this is to be at the behest of a team and its temperament and at the expense of sportsmanship and, more importantly for the money-men, spectacle.
With every Champions League contest since the dawn of the competition seemingly having attracted the standard three added minutes, to ensure the all-powerful sponsors are given their precise slots, as bought-and-paid-for, come 9:30pm on a Tuesday or Wednesday, there is a feeling that fans are losing valuable football and football is losing its value when exposed to this sort of corruption and gamesmanship.
Fergie may have gone but his watch-tapping legacy unfortunately lives on right across the board. So hurry up, lads. Please. If anything, we should all really have something better to be doing.
Fri 18 Oct
Mourinho Explores English Humour
When interviewed by the Guardian yesterday, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho revealed a finely nuanced appreciation of the intricacies of English fan culture when contrasted with those encountered during his time abroad:
"I enjoy
playing at home, feeling the Chelsea fans' passion, that they are happy to have
me on their side; but I also enjoy playing away and feeling the opponents
support their own team, giving me that 'hostility'.
"It's a 'pure hostility'.
It's not aggressive. If Chelsea fans at Norwich are singing: 'José Mourinho',
and the other guys sing: 'Fuck off Mourinho', I don't think it's aggressive
hostility. It's better than them ignoring me. If, one day, I was Norwich
manager, they'd be singing my name too. It's pure.
"You go, for example, to
countries like Spain and when they say: 'Hijo de puta Portugues [Portuguese
son of a bitch]', you know it's a deep feeling. A real hatred. They mean it.
"Here, even the hostility is different. More tongue in cheek. When I'm not
winning I'm 'not special any more'. I understand that and I like it.", the Blues boss explained.
On the one hand, It is refreshing to come across a man who, for all his foibles, can still occasionally take a step back from the brink of self-caricaturisation, in a world where all those involved seem intent on adorning themselves and those employed around them with a quite monstrous dollop of delusional grandeur.
On the other, one can't help but feel that he may have given terrace ditties a status a little above their station and, at times, the songs can be taken rather closer to face value than he suspects.
Thu 17 Oct
Time for Capital Compatibility
With news emerging that several Premier League clubs are collaborating to ensure their recent £12m windfall is spent with the best interests of that most endangered of species - the lesser-spotted away fan - in mind, what is the likelihood of comradeship breaking out across the capital?
Each club has received £200,000 from the League for visiting supporters' subsidies but the ways in which these funds are being dispersed in London, where ticket prices are at their most prohibitive, is up for debate.
While Hull City, Newcastle United, Swansea City and West Bromwich Albion have organised symbiotic arrangements with one another whereby seat prices are set in stone for both meetings this season, London clubs have been quicker to ensure they themselves boast a strong travelling contingent and appear keener to get their own houses in order before helping others attract guests.
Newcastle and West Brom fans will pay just £15 and £5 for concessions when hosted by each other this term, representing fantastic value for money and a much-needed discount to allow fans to afford the day out and reverse a troubling trend that has seen away attendances drop by 10% in the past five seasons.
However, Arsenal, who charge the highest prices in the land with £985 the cost of the cheapest season ticket at Emirates Stadium, have reduced away tickets for Gunners followers by a token £2.50 for the remainder of the campaign, promised a £10 food voucher to fans for one festive fixture and moved to appease those visiting N5 by investing in Ashburton Grove's away section, i.e. improving their own, state-of-the-art stadium.
Meanwhile, Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur have merely subsidised travel to a proportion of games for their away supporters this season, with West Ham United yet to formally declare their intentions.
On a more positive note, travel to all away games will be free of charge and children will be offered free entry at renowned 'family club' Fulham this season, while Crystal Palace, whose most reasonably priced season ticket is valued at just £360, have shown ingenuity in initiating a scheme whereby every junior ticket purchased allows an accompanying adult to attend at half-price.
As Londoners are forced to adapt to straitened economic conditions more quickly than most up and down the country, what price a deal being cut between two or more capital counterparts to show solidarity between fans from across the city?
Where's Christian Gross when you need him?
Wed 16 Oct
More Rave Reviews for Ravel
Two goals and a virtuoso display from Ravel Morrison continued his run of fine early-season form and eased England under-21s to a comfortable 5-0 victory over Lithuania at Portman Road yesterday evening.
The mercurial West Ham United midfielder's second - his team's fourth on the night - was a thing of beauty; his mazy dribble and composed finish for Gareth Southgate's side in keeping with recent efforts that have so impressed the Hammers faithful thus far this term, with his wonderful work to seal the points against Tottenham Hotspur at White Hart Lane last weekend the undoubted highlight.
Sam Allardyce and the Irons contingent will hope for more of the same, should his manager opt against resting his star turn following a flurry of recent appointments, when they take on title-challenging Manchester City at the Boleyn Ground in Saturday's late kick-off.
Perhaps England's euphoric senior set-up might also be expectant of his services in Brazil should this level of performance be maintained by the enigmatic maestro between now and next summer.
Over Andover
Fans of Dagenham and Redbridge and Leyton Orient have seen their record-setting endeavours from the spot surpassed by non-league Brockenhurst and Andover, as the two clubs contested an incredible 29-kick shootout in the Hampshire Cup on Monday; the former eventually progressing to the next round 15-14 on penalties.
The previous benchmark had been set by the London rivals during an epic Johnstone's Paint Trophy tie that ended after a paltry 27 strikes back in 2011 and the poise on show in both competitions made a mockery of England's reputation for ineptitude in finding the net from 12 yards.
Tue 15 Oct
Wembley Worriers or Warriors?
Unbeaten; group leaders; 4-1 winners last time out; one home win away from World Cup qualification. So why is England manager Roy Hodgson currently, in his own words, "a worrier"?
"I'm a
worrier," the former Fulham boss admitted yesterday.
"Anyone who works in football is a worrier. It
won't be my best night's sleep because all of my waking thoughts are around
England versus Poland. It's not good we've got to wait until Tuesday evening
for it."
Taking each point in turn:
While it is often counter-productive to surmise footballing potential based on the premise of FIFA's ranking system, 17th-placed England sounds about right. On that basis, the fact that the Three Lions have thus far proved incapable of beating those teams seeded 26 (Ukraine) and 65 (Poland) before finally overcoming a depleted 27th-ranked Montenegro on Friday, with their only wins registered against the minnows of Moldova and San Marino, rated 129th and 207th respectively, more than mitigates the 'unbeaten' brag.
In a section where only group winners progress, Hodgson's achievement as it stands represents the bare minimum expected. Runners-up are exposed to another flawed seeding system in the play-off draw, recently criticised by the French Football Federation, whose side England may be forced to face should they fail to attain three points tonight and fall victim to an untimely bout of ill-fortune next week.
As mentioned, the Montenegrins were struggling to make up numbers at the weekend and were only dispatched after a second-half onslaught brought about by old-fashioned direct running and one piece of composure from talisman Wayne Rooney early in the second period, this despite managing to hit the crossbar before pegging one back and maintaining the pressure on their hosts until the latter stages.
That pressure often echoes from the pitch to the rafters at a silent-bar-the-band Wembley presently wracked with uncertainty, particularly with games on a knife edge and so much at stake. Upwards of 20,000 away supporters are expected in the London Borough of Brent this evening, rendering home advantage redundant against a side unlucky not to emerge victorious from last season's meeting in Warsaw and conceivably creating an atmosphere of hostility with which England's players will be unfamiliar on their own turf.
Poland also carry a genuine goal-threat in the form of Borussia Dortmund's Real Madrid-dispatcher Robert Lewandowski, who the visitors hope will be supplied by captain and club colleague 'Kuba' Blaszczykowski to put their opponents on the back foot as they did in this same postcode almost forty years ago to the day when thwarting England's route to the 1974 tournament.
With Glen Johnson injured and Kyle Walker suspended, Phil Jones is expected to deputise at right-back, while the experienced Ashley Cole is missing from the left side of defence with a rib complaint in front of the out of sorts Joe Hart in goal, meaning those tasked with tracking the intelligent and incessant movement of the Bundesliga marksman through the channels will be relatively unaccustomed to handling such a standard and perhaps even style of forward play.
However, Hodgson otherwise has a full hand from which to pick and has placed on record his faith in not only the forward line that put four past Montenegro last week but his line-up in general, with his side offering a blend of youth and experience; resplendence and resilience; craftily continental and typically 'English' attributes that is well set-up to ease this team through to the tournament proper.
Friday's hero Andros Townsend has a knock but is nevertheless expected to feature on the right flank, from where he caused so much menace on debut, Danny Welbeck and Daniel Sturridge possess the athleticism and unpredictablity required to stretch any defence and, with Rooney in fine fettle for club and country, the nation's hopes should sit safely on the shoulders of the manager and his underlings, allowing the oft-criticised head coach to rest easy as as his thoughts drift to that long-haul flight to South America next summer.
Mon 14 Oct
Poles Bring the Party
Pushing a quarter of capacity at Wembley Stadium will be wishing for the unthinkable tomorrow night with Polish fans, handed an extended allocation on police instruction for the crunch World Cup qualifier against England that the hosts must win, expecting a display high on punch and panache from their nearly-men, who now have no hope of reaching next year's spectacle.
Wembley at its finest creates the aura of a modern amphitheatre; football of the (visiting) Gods played out on the most demanding yet hallowed of surfaces before the unique backdrop of its bought-and-paid-for plush leather and plastic surroundings.
At worst, it is more like an airport - all security, escalators and novelty-sized panes of brazen glass - betraying an underlying uncertainty in its high-powered star performers' ability to attract an audience based on their own well-worn merits.
Perhaps with upwards of 20,000 Poles set to arrive in festive mood, a la Ghana in 2011, looking to offset the £4.70 pint-fuelled disdain invariably seen drifting into the London night on evenings such as these, whether its echoes be wafting away via the escalators or soaring through the all but redundant retractable roof, the £800m arena may even come to resemble a football ground.
For one night only, at a pub near you.
Sun 13 Oct
Football League Round-Up
As attentions inevitably turned to the international arena this week, the Football League campaign continued apace and this weekend saw a rather discouraging turn of events for all but Leyton Orient across the capital, as a ninth goal of the season for Kevin Lisbie maintained his side's unbeaten start.
While Orient turned in another determined display to see off Milton Keynes Dons at the Matchroom Stadium and keep their noses in front atop League One, Brentford slumped to their third defeat in four to leave a 14-point chasm between the Bees and the league leaders from across town.
London's League Two representatives fared no better as AFC Wimbledon were held to a draw at home to rock-bottom Accrington Stanley, who were also reduced to 10 men in first-half stoppage time, but at least stopped the rot after back-to-back losses going into the game.
Meanwhile, Dagenham and Redbridge were beaten at their Victoria Road home for the first time this term by struggling Cheltenham Town, who had lost four out of five on the road up until that point. The Dons and Daggers both slip into the bottom half of the division as a result and are now separated by a single point in the fight, first and foremost, for survival, sitting two and three points outside the drop zone respectively.
Sat 12 Oct
Capital Impact on Global Stage
London was again at the heart of the international action last night. Here, we select the capital's top five performers across the continent as Europe's sides bid to qualify for next year's World Cup in Brazil:
1. Romelu Lukaku - The Chelsea attacker struck twice as Belgium sealed qualification for next summer's finals with a convincing win in Croatia to reinforce the belief that Jose Mourinho and co. were wrong to ship him out to Everton for the season.
2. Andros Townsend - What a night for the Tottenham Hotspur winger as his direct running wreaked havoc among the Montenegro defence and a world class long-range effort capped off an outstanding debut display to take England to within three points of qualifying at Wembley.
3. Andre Schürrle - Germany are through to the tournament proper - was it ever in any doubt? - aided by a fine piece of control and finish on the turn by the left foot of Chelsea wide man Schürrle as his team overcame Ireland in Stuttgart.
4. Simon Church - Wales have little but pride driving them as they play out their remaining fixtures of another disappointing campaign but one of their better nights in recent memory was capped by the Charlton Athletic forward's winner against FYR Macedonia that took them above Scotland to stay in the hunt for a respectable third-placed finish.
5. Theo Walcott - Arsenal's injured paceman set current professionals back a decade or so in their quest for punditry work with his mightily tedious and constrained analysis, not to mention his taking himself just a smidgen to seriously in the studio. However, his eloquence at least took him above Adrian "Don't have a go at the Poles, I've got building work I need done at my house" Chiles on his inaugral night alongside the equally as intriguing Roy Keane and Lee Dixon in the ITV armchair.
Fri 11 Oct
Dyke Attacked from all Sides
It is not going well so far for Football Association Chairman Greg Dyke's new commission created to investigate and, one assumes, solve the problem of the apparent disapearance of young English talent from the game.
First the Premier League, led by Dyke's old friend Anthony Fry, declined the invitation onto the committee for fear of encountering nothing more than an an online poker-like experience, i.e. an intense negotiating table with a viewing gallery.
Dyke then managed to lose a large portion of sympathy from a willing public by reminding of his role in the move that set the wheels in motion for this particular doomsday scenario to come to pass in his role at ITV when backing the Premier League's formation in 1992.
Now former Tottenham Hotspur and Arsenal defender Sol Campbell has accused the committee of lacking diversity as, up until now, those selected - Dyke, FA Vice-Chairman and obedient Councillor Roger Burden, Chairman of the PFA Ritchie Humphreys and that of the Football League Greg Clarke, along with Glenn Hoddle, Howard Wilkinson, Dario Gradi and Danny Mills - are all white.
Dyke has a mountainous task ahead of him in tackling one of the English game's most crucial and controversial issues, particularly in light of the broad spectrum of views aired in relation to the potential 'nationalisation' of Adnan Januzaj this week.
However, the biggest problem here may be that - black, white or that dark shade of red the one-time Charlton Athletic right-back used to turn after an especially aggressive encounter - writing one "very interesting paper" has proved enough to jump Danny Mills to the front of the queue of ex-footballers (those whom the Commission is supposedly seeking to include in greater numbers) to act as a spokesperson for the profession and, more staggeringly still, the newest generation, as he can boast the most recent active involvement with the elite game as either player or coach, having last represented his country in 2004, a full decade before the panel is set to reveal their findings.
And they say the FA is old hat.
Thu 10 Oct
Season's Greetings from Sky
Following David Moyes' fixture list fault-finding at the start of this season, in keeping with a sacred Manchester United tradition, we can now all look forward to the thoughts of Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger and Chelsea chief Jose Mourinho on the subject after their sides were chosen by Sky to meet on Monday December 23, leaving both teams facing a run of four matches in 10 winter days.
The Gunners must now host the derby then travel to another London rival in West Ham United and trek north to Newcastle United within a week and round off the festive programme by welcoming Cardiff City to Emirates Stadium on New Year's Day, while the Blues will need to negotiate games against Swansea City and Liverpool at home following their trip to north London before visiting Southampton in a hazardous end-of-year schedule.
Leaving aside the television company's wanton neglect of supporters' transport and economic arrangements in attending the game just two days before Christmas, it seems the respective playing squads will be stretched to their limits over this period, as it would surely be unwise to risk the long-term fitness of any player by fielding him in each and every contest, especially in this; a very special World Cup year.
Amid talk of the 2022 tournament in Qatar being held around this time to avoid searing temperatures in the Gulf state during the summer, surely there has been no better time to begin slowly implementing a half-term break into this country's football curriculum, as is the case in most leagues throughout the continent and beyond.
The fully-entitled acrimony that arose in the aftermath of the draw that took the world's biggest competition to Qatar back in 2010 might never subside. However, the move may accidentally lead to change for the better in England, with cramming as if it was exam time fully five months before the campaign's culmination perhaps soon to be a thing of the past, leaving the national team refreshed when it really matters and fans free to save their hard-earned cash for all the other trimmings and trappings of the holidays.
Wed 9 Oct
Hit the Road, Jack
Anyone affording the Daily Mail an opportunity to lead with the back-page headline: KEEP US ENGLISH* must be not simply on dodgy ground but actively testing the ground's reputation for instability and Arsenal's Jack Wilshere is 'wading into' not so much a debate centred around the proposed 'nationalising' of Adnan Januzaj as a super-strength shark-infested swamp-land by saying:
"The only people who should play for England are English people. If you live in England for five years it doesn't make you English."
This humble writer is reminded of (albeit fairly one-sided) conversations with his grandmother.
How many years would suffice then Jack? Pray tell. What about if we double it to the decade passed since England under-21 international Saido Berahino fled war-torn Burundi for these isles? Or the 13 years that have elapsed since his u-21 team-mate Raheem Sterling moved here from Jamaica? Will 16 years do it, as is the case with fellow u-21 representative Wilfried Zaha's stay since relocating from his native Ivory Coast?
"If I went to Spain and lived there for five years I'm not going to play for Spain", Wilshere added.
The first point to make here is that he hasn't and won't and that is part of the problem. English players rarely venture out of areas with easy wifi access, let alone through the language barrier. Go and see the healthy and relaxed attitudes to nationality in some parts of the world Jack and, while you're there, maybe see what it is people are escaping in order to enjoy a supposedly safer, more independent existence on these shores. Oh, and try to pick up a few tips on how to keep the ball as well, if you can.
Second, if you went to Spain for five years - you're absolutely right - you wouldn't play for them. It is far too late in your development to erase all the bad habits and injuries you have hoarded while forging a career by the mantra: "We are English. We tackle hard, are tough on the pitch and are hard to beat". It would also take a great deal more than five years to get you into that World Cup and twice European Championship-winning Spanish side. But why not make the trip, learn the tricks and come back here, where we'll instantly make you captain (a great honour in this country) and build the team around you.
For England under-21s, read Germany's senior squad, to name but one, note the Premier League's 'home-grown' criteria and look as far afield as even our acclaimed national cricket team and multi-national array of 'GB' Olympic athletes.
It's 2013 Jack. Get out there, see the world for what it is and leave the Mail to it.
*He can also take the blame for the lion's share of the cigarette-based puns still doing the rounds
Tue 8 Oct
No Smoke Without Fire
Jack Wilshere insists he is not a smoker despite being photographed with a cigarette last Tuesday on a night out in London.
Following his PR team's laughable attempt to excuse the Arsenal and England midfielder's behaviour as a "part of a prank", the 21-year-old has belatedly seen sense and consolidated his public stance by conceding that an athlete's body could perhaps do without nicotine, tar etc during the season and admitting the incident, or at least getting caught playing his part in it, was a "mistake".
Club boss Arsene Wenger was apparently satisfied with his talisman's explanation after behind-closed-doors discussions. This may well have been the least problematic part of the plan, bearing in mind Wenger's track record of putting unwavering faith in the accounts of his players.
After all, the phrase: 'once bitten, twice shy' is not known to form part of the stubborn and infamously short-sighted Frenchman's thinking in these situations.
Mon 7 Oct
Harry Whodunnit?
Attacks on the Football Association? Juicy inside gossip? Tales of what might have been? It must mean the serialisation of Queens Park Rangers manager Harry Redknapp's autobiography is finally here, thanks to those good folks at the
The ex-Tottenham Hotspur and West Ham United boss really dishes the dirt on the nation's governing body, labelling its protagonists "clueless" and exclaiming:
"I wouldn't trust the FA to show me a good manager if
their lives depended on it. How would they know? What clubs have they ever run?
Who do they speak to who really knows the game?"
Why on earth would he feel so strongly about this particular issue, one wonders?
Redknapp also promises us that he was in advanced talks with Brendan Rodgers for the Liverpool head coach to become his assistant during the European Championship last summer, not that he had yet broached the subject with the one-time Chelsea assistant's then employers, Swansea City, of course.
But it is ironic that, as talk turns to England and former Fulham chief Roy Hodgson's appearance on Match of the Day to discuss 'nationalising' en vogue Belgian-born midfielder Adnan Januzaj, the man whose major flaw on his England CV - in strictly football-related terms - is often said to lie in the lack of scope for transfers on the global stage, sits idly by as the England press office bungles into action once more to try and persuade the Manchester United man of the Three Lions' worth.
If anyone could get the deal done, it is old 'Arry, just as he would surely have got Rodgers on board back then; if you incorporate contacts lists into the international arena, Redknapp is surely without equal among those available to this country. Not to mention as a man of 'character' seemingly born to entertain a TV audience.
As Hodgson's personality shone through on the BBC sofa in the same way it does through his team's football during each and every international break, he seemed skeptical in any event of approaching this moral mine-field with anything short of extreme caution.
Our 'Arry wouldn't have worried about all that; he would have simply found a way to engage the man by showing appreciation for his culture and gently luring the youngster to Wembley.
Like the time, as Southampton manager, he bragged of playing Kenwyne Jones "some Bob Marley reggae music" to cure his ankle injury.
Or when he said of Portuguese striker Dani while at West Ham:
"I don't know whether to play him or f*** him".
Does anyone else feel the only man to have come out of this smelling of anything like roses is Brendan Rodgers?
Sun 6 Oct
Memorable Week for Morrison
Ravel Morrison capped a fine week with a scintillating display and sublime solo effort as his West Ham United side claimed a much-craved three points at the home of London rivals Tottenham Hotspur this afternoon and, in so doing, inflicted Spurs' heaviest home defeat under Andre Villas-Boas.
"The penny has dropped for Ravel" according to Morrison's manager Sam Allardyce, at the end of a week in which the Hammers midfielder has celebrated his recent rejuvenation from off-pitch protagonist to on-field architect with an inaugural call-up up to the England under-21 set-up.
Morrison starred during a second half that saw his hosts concede three times - one more than they had let in this term up to that point - and led his side to a first league win at White Hart Lane this millennium to take the Irons out of the relegation zone and up to 13th place in the table.
His slalom run and smooth, dinked finish, all in fifth gear, was a sight to behold and says much about the potential of the reformed misfit, who was once a regular in Her Majesty's courtrooms and on Sir Alex Ferguson's bad side at Manchester United, even allowing for the space surrendered by Spurs as they chased the game in its latter stages.
Allardyce beamed following the eventually emphatic-looking score-line and reserved special praise for his 20-year-old creator, declaring: "He can do something no-one else can do and we saw that today".
With much ado about the form of emerging English players such as Ross Barkley and Spurs winger Andros Townsend so far this season, it will also be well worth monitoring the form of Morrison, as one or two inevitably make that late dash for a plane ticket to Brazil next summer. Judging by the ease with which the youngster evaded the challenge of Michael Dawson, however, to glide past his marker and slot home the game-clincher today, the 29-year-old centre-back can probably afford to book his holidays now without too much trepidation.
Sat 5 Oct
Davids Returns to 'San Siro'
Former AC Milan and Internazionale midfielder Edgar Davids today takes a trip down memory lane by leading his Barnet side on a trip to Welling United's Park View Road stadium, known locally as San Siro.
The first London derby of this Skrill Premier season will likely be played before a three-figure crowd rather than against the famous backdrop on offer in Milan but the ground remains a point of contrast thanks to historic ties with a car showroom across the road - now under new ownership - that once saw the words San Siro displayed along the roof of the main stand.
Should Davids select himself to start the game at what clearly is not his old stomping ground but where a stern test will be provided of any lingering promotion credentials at the Hive, he will have played three matches on the spin, having filled in at centre-half during the Bees' win over Salisbury City last weekend.
Welling's three-game winning streak in the league came to an end at Macclesfield Town's Moss Rose stadium last time out, where the side went down 1-2 despite a late strike from leading scorer Ross Lafayette. Manager Jamie Day will want to get back to winning ways this afternoon and his team can leapfrog their opposition from north of the river with a victory.
Fri 4 Oct
Hodgson Ought to Have Something Better To Do
Thank heavens Roy Hodgson and Gary Lineker have made up. No doubt the rest of us can now sleep easy, even if Roy can't.
In what was clearly presented as the ultimate 'PR opportunity', it was announced yesterday that England manager Hodgson, formerly of Fulham, will sit alongside one-time England and Tottenham Hotspur striker Lineker in the Match of the Day studio this Saturday, showing that all is forgotten after the two men clashed following disparaging remarks made by the latter on Twitter concerning the national team's displays in qualifying recently.
It is ironic that all interested parties seem to have taken time to think this through and are determined to install the England head coach on the sofa to analyse the weekend's Premier League action and, in doing so, offer a united front to the public going into these crucial matches. One can't help but feel that Hodgson has at least ten things slightly more important to be getting on with, any of which people would prefer to see him doing at the moment.
Thu 3 Oct
Wembley Way Two-Way Street
With two Wembley wins required over Poland and, first, Montenegro if England are to reach next summer's World Cup Finals in Brazil, manager Roy Hodgson will apparently expect the Three Lions faithful to be in full voice next week in north London to push his side to glory in both games.
With neither match yet to be sold out, however, most probably as a result of drab performances reflecting a crippling lack of ambition shown by the team and their management of late, is it not finally time for England's football to inspire their loyal fans and not vice versa?
'Build it and [they] will come', goes the expression made famous in 1989 film Field of Dreams. But the public cannot simply be bought off with a lavish, soulless new stadium. Hodgson and his staff must construct not only a finely-balanced team with an identifiable approach but a winning mentality and aspiring game-plan; one which does not see a draw in Ukraine as Plan A but as an acceptable consolation and one that will tolerate no less than victory in England's upcoming must-win encounters, made so by their seeming deferral of progression up to this point.
Build the stadium and the people will show, Roy; build the rest and they will respond in kind.
Wed 2 Oct
Curse of Torres Strikes Again
Poor old Fernando Torres.
Just when all seems to be going well for the Chelsea striker, another setback sees him fall off the wagon to lie in limbo for another spell.
Having seen red for the third time in less than three years for the Blues at White Hart Lane on Saturday following an exhilarating second-half display, he escaped further punishment due to the Football Association's uncanny ability to allow themselves to be tied in knots by their own regulations.
However, Torres now looks likely to miss the three extra games for which he would have been banned anyway after appearing to strain knee ligaments only 11 minutes into last night's Champions League tie in Bucharest.
It seems that, no sooner has the Spaniard found form for the west Londoners, he manages to find a way to impede his own impetus with impetuosity; his posture finding time during the subsequent lull to sag from imperial to impish.
Against Swansea City in 2011, he opened the scoring and was promptly sent off for a two-footed lunge. The following season at Old Trafford, a fantastic finish to bring his side back into a game in which they looked dead and buried was instantly forgotten in the wake of a quite staggering open-goal miss. Then, just over a year later, an impressive string of performances at the spearhead of the Blues attack culminated in an extremely harsh dismissal for diving against the same opponents.
Even his Nou Camp heroics and his winning the corner from which Chelsea saved themselves in Munich during that epic run to European glory last May were not only overshadowed by the achievements of others but did not merit a chance to take any of the first five spot-kicks in the resultant shoot-out, leading the 29-year-old to openly question his future at the club.
But his future is not in doubt. The curse over his head can only mean he is destined to keep taking one step forward then two back until he ends up sitting at home in Madrid.
Having gladly seen the back of one African legend of the modern game in the departed Didier Drogba, he would have hoped that the centre-forward role was at least his to lose. But with Samuel Eto'o starting three successive matches up front upon arriving from Russia, the Cameroonian is clearly manager Jose Mourinho's first choice at present. So, I think you can guess what happened as soon as the three-time European Cup-winner entered the fray in his place in Romania.
Well, obviously he didn't score, as he is currently being bewitched by the big-name striker hex at Stamford Bridge that has afflicted, inter alia, former Ballon D'Or holder Andriy Shevchenko and been in situ since the days of Chris Sutton.
But two assists garnered from a couple of mis-hit shots were ample to ensure Torres' return to action will be less a case of hitting the ground running and more like a standing start. With his luck, Demba Ba will have made his seat on the bench his own by then, too.
Tue 1 Oct
Javi Venta Leaves Griffin Park and Sets Sail for Spain
One-time Champions League semi-finalist Javi Venta has left Brentford to return home for personal reasons, the League One club announced today.
Former Villareal defender Venta, 37, sadly had his Bees contract terminated by mutual consent after just four appearances and one goal - a stunning low drive against AFC Wimbledon in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy last month - to his name in west London.
Venta, whose side lost to Arsenal in the last four of the 2006 Champions League, was said to have proved a highly positive influence during his short spell at the club but had "family issues which were difficult to resolve in London in the immediate future", according to Bees coach Mark Warburton, who also claimed the right-back is destined for a career in coaching or management.
Brentford boss Uwe Rosler was equally disappointed with the veteran stopper's departure, while also being no less complimentary of the Spaniard, referring to him as an "ultra-professional" and declaring:
"I have huge respect for him as both his manager and as a man, that he has put his family first in this way".
Having not been a regular starter for the club, Venta's absence will not impact on the starting line-up. However, the Bees may wish to dip back into the loan market to provide cover for first-choice full-backs Shaleum Logan, once of Manchester City, and the more experienced Tony Craig, with only 20-year-old Jake Bidwell in reserve and who prefers to play on the left.
Mon 30 Sep
Fernando Leaves FA in a Fix
Chelsea's Fernando Torres was sent off at the weekend; you may have heard about it.
The Spaniard's red card against Tottenham Hotspur at White Hart Lane on Saturday was given for yellow cards issued over two separate incidents: one of which had the striker tripping and then raising his arms to the face of Spurs defender Jan Vertonghen; the second saw him lead with his forearm while aerially challenging the same player.
As things stand, Torres faces a one-game suspension. However, should the Football Association's newly formed review panel, set up this season and consisting of three former officials, adjudge the events worthy of further investigation, he could now be handed an additional three-match ban if the officials were to reveal that they had not seen the extent of the clawing of Vertonghen's jaw in the first case.
The regulations governing this process are laid out, quite surreally, by former Blues left-back Graeme Le Saux on the FA's website.
One amendment was made to their approach this summer:
"From the start of the 2013-14 campaign, where the referee’s view of an incident has been completely obstructed and the assistant referees or fourth official are not in a position such that they could be expected to judge the challenge, based on factors such as their distance from or line of sight to an incident, The FA will be able to take retrospective action."
As detailed by Le Saux above, the official only needs to have witnessed "the coming together" and "does not have to seen the misconduct in its entirety" for the matter to be deemed closed. Is it, therefore, unreasonable to expect one or more of the officials to at least have seen the incident, even if they had not appreciated its full nature?
The linesman, for instance, cannot be looking anywhere else and has a seemingly unimpeded view of the altercation's general course throughout. He must have seen the hand come up, which is often deemed sufficient to warrant dismissal in any event.
His distance from the action is not a justifiable excuse either as he will be regularly asked to give offside decisions from that distance and beyond.
The FA are in danger of painting themselves into a corner here. Retrospective action on the whole is designed to be used in "exceptional circumstances" according to their own mantra, but what constitutes this ambiguous term? Granted, it is not often one sees a player scratching another player during the game, or pulling their hair for that matter. But how does it compare to biting? Should Torres be slapped with a Suarez-sized punishment for this act of petulance?
When the referee's verdict is not - as laid out in Law 5 of FIFA's Laws of the Game - "final", it opens officialdom up to abuse and leaves it vulnerable to parties with ulterior motives. Blues boss Jose Mourinho had a fair point when bemoaning an inability to appeal the second yellow card (even though neither interviewer nor interviewee seemed sure on the point, as seen below) but was also quick to turn the spotlight on Vertonghen and demand retrospective retribution for the way in which the Belgian apparently exaggerated any contact made with Torres following the collision in question.
In a season that has seen the ground-breaking introduction of video technology and the natural progression of a trend whereby the advantage rule is relied upon increasingly often to allow the game to flow but also to ensure equitable outcomes, are we risking fatally undermining the authorities by exposing their judgements to constant review or are the authorities inviting pressure with their incessant alterations to the rules of the game?
Sun 29 Sep
Capital Duo Climb League One Ladder
Defeat at the hands of London rivals Leyton Orient will be long forgotten this evening as Brentford got back to winning ways by dispatching Coventry City following the Os' record run came to a disappointing end on Saturday.
Orient stay top despite failing to kill off ten-man Walsall at Brisbane Road and clock off their club best shift with eight consecutive wins while the Bees' second victory in three at Northampton took them to a point from the play-off places and 10 behind the leaders as results begin to settle down with a key home fixture against Rotherham United up next.
Whether either or both of these two exciting London teams are to be promoted come May cannot be known, as is the wonderful unpredictability of this great game of ours. What can be confirmed is that levels of intrigue ought never to waiver between now and then, as the Os look to contend with their first setback of the season and long-suffering Bees fans pray that the stable surroundings and long-term planning pays off for Uwe Rosler and his side.
With London outfits currently occupying top-spot in tiers one, two and three, here's hoping our boys in League Two can get their act together to complete the set, even if only for a short spell at this early stage of the campaign.
Sat 28 Sep
London Clubs Finding Life Easy as 1,2,3
Arsenal, Tottenham Hotspur, Chelsea...is how the Premier League table reads tonight after the Gunners capitalised on their rivals' share of the spoils at White Hart Lane to return to the league summit with the Blues and Spurs hot on their heels. All smiles across the capital then.
Oh, Jose Mourinho's not happy. Stop everything.
Having been held to a draw by his former protégé, Andre Villas-Boas, and the 35-year-old's "disgrace" of a centre-back, Jan Vertonghen, with his pesky "foreign...culture", the Specially self-aware one accused the Spurs defender of conning the referee into making a "big mistake" by play-acting at the expense of a fellow professional, Fernando Torres - who had minutes earlier dug his nails into the Belgian's face - and reacted to AVB's assessment of the Portuguese pair's current relationship status by denigrating his, ahem, former colleague and current coaching counterpart, implying he was a "child" in this startlingly (even for Him) sentience-free interview shortly after the match.
Irony is never lost on José, which is why it is left to the most casual of the football-curious to find examples of Mourinho's undying maturity, respect for officialdom and the managerial peerage and his players' integrity in the tackle. Spoiler alert: you're on a hiding to nothing and if you seriously need to search for reasons why then this interview would be a very good place to start.
After the bizarre elaborating of the infamous egg analogy, followed by the refreshing approach employed in recent conferences where openness and honesty were offered in abundance while talking tactics and providing genuine insight into the debate surrounding playmaker Juan Mata's recent omission from the team, all the time engaging with his audience on a level depressingly few commonly reach, it is probably nice to get back to what he knows best.
Dog-catchers and meat-wagon workers everywhere should remain vigilant; they may be making a chirpy new acquaintance in the very near future.
Fri 27 Sep
It's that time of the week again as our guest blogger makes his triumphant return after some eery tipping in the last round of fixtures. Can he pull off the same feat this week? Come this way to find out...
Tottenham
Hotspur v Chelsea
This week's only
London derby should prove a great way to kick-off the weekend's
fixtures; Tottenham's record of 3 wins from 42 Premier League games against
Chelsea is woeful to put it mildly but we appear to be seeing a different Spurs
side under AVB this year. A win at the Cardiff City Stadium last time out in
exactly the kind of game in which they historically struggle shows that the North
Londoners no longer have a soft centre but they need a convincing win against
one of the big boys to really show their credentials, if not as title
challengers then at least as a top-four side. Enter Chelsea... a defeat of a
lacklustre Fulham last week papered over some cracks but there are clear
weaknesses in the Blues' team, which will be exacerbated by the likely absence
of Ramires from their midfield at lunchtime on Saturday. AVB will be desperate to
get one over former mentor Jose Mourinho and the White Hart Lane crowd will make
sure their players are right at it from the off. Therefore, my bet for this one
is Half Time/Full Time - Tottenham/Tottenham at odds of 5 and
I also like Soldado to score at any time at 3.35.
Fulham v
Cardiff City
Peter
Odemwingie is likely to be handed his first league start in Cardiff colours at
Craven Cottage after his goalscoring performance in the cup in midweek and I
fancy him to carry on that form with the first goal here at 8.8.
Fulham have been disappointing so far this campaign and the Bluebirds have
certainly held their own against the Premier League elite up until now so I am
surprised at odds as big as 2.74 for Cardiff DRAW NO BET and I
like them at that price.
Hull City v West Ham
United
The
Hammers have gone 270 minutes since scoring an away goal and will struggle
again against a well-drilled Hull City outfit. However, Stewart Downing is back and
could be a threat while Hull do have some injury problems at the back so instead
of recommending West Ham to fail to score I'm going to tentatively
suggest under 2.5 goals at 1.71 as the Tigers are hardly known
for busting the back of the net too often themselves. However I have been
impressed by frontman Sone Aluko this term and after his blockbuster at St
James' Park last week I am going to plump a bit on the former Rangers
man to open the scoring at 9.4.
Southampton v Crystal
Palace
I expect the Saints
to go marching in and all over the Eagles' survival hopes in this one but odds of
1.5 are pretty stingy. However, with Palace's attacking options severely
depleted and Southampton's record of 3 clean sheets so far this term, odds
of 2.16 about a win to nil for the home side look much more appealing.
Gaston Ramirez also looked to be approaching peak form in the cup win during the week and I fancy him to score at any time for which you can find
odds of 3.9.
Swansea City v Arsenal
If you followed my column last
week then you owe me a pint after Aaron Ramsey opened the scoring against
Stoke. However I know when a good thing has run its course and I expect the
Welshman now not to score again this season. Therefore, someone must take his
place and who better than Olivier Giroud? The big Frenchman can't stop scoring
at the moment and odds of 6.6 for first goalscorer are big.
Don't expect the Gunners to have it all their own way in this one though as the
Swans are starting to find form. Arsenal will equal their best ever run of away
wins with victory here but with injuries starting to take their toll I just
can't see it. I prefer Swansea DRAW NO BET at 2.28.
Watford v
Wigan Athletic
Two promotion contenders meet at
Vicarage Road in what should be a closely-fought match-up. Wigan are missing a
cutting-edge with their most creative players missing and their away form
leaves a bit to be desired so I like odds of 2.62 for Watford to win to
nil. Neither goalkeeper is likely to be worried too much and odds of 2.24
for under 2.5 goals are worth looking at.
Burnley v Charlton
Athletic
Burnley have been the surprise
package of the Championship so far while Charlton have been predictably depressing
which makes odds of 1.9 for a Burnley win seem like buying
money to this humble tipster. The Clarets are unbeaten at home since March and
with Yann Kermorgant still out for the Addicks 2.7 about a home clean
sheet seem big.
Millwall v
Leeds United
Two teams with fortunes turning
in opposite directions; the Lions have won their last two while the
Yorkshiremen have lost their last couple. I expect the form to continue along
the same tangent this weekend and will be backing the Millwall win at
2.52. Unfortunately, trouble is again to be expected on and off the pitch in South
London and it is worth looking at prices for a red card.
Queens Park Rangers v
Middlesbrough
I definitely fancy the Hoops
to see off their counterparts from the North here but am slightly wary of
Boro's penchant for drawing games (5 draws in their last 6) as well as the Rs'
inability to score at times, despite having kept 6 consecutive clean sheets.
With that in mind, if you are a short-odds backer then go heavy on QPR DRAW NO BET
at 1.38 or do as I will and wait for the in-play market to
get better odds as I would be surprised to see an early goal.
Leyton Orient v
Walsall
I'm stunned that a side that has
won their first 8 games of the season are at odds as high as 1.93 at
home even taking into account the fact they are up against a decent Walsall outfit and have a few injuries with which to contend. The squad will be brimming with confidence and that should see
them through this one. The away side are in good form - particularly away from
home - so tread carefully but have a bit of faith in the Os to carry on their
remarkable run. I wouldn't be surprised to see Walsall take the lead and
Orient's team spirit to see them stage a comeback so small stakers look at odds
of 30 for Half Time/Full Time - Walsall/Leyton Orient.
Coventry City v Brentford
Expect these two to be
challenging at the top end of the table this season as they both have a bit of
class about them. However, I feel home advantage could be the difference here
and odds of 2.38 for a home win are fair, considering that
Coventry are unbeaten at 'home' so far this term plus the Londoners have won
just once on their travels. Both sides prefer attacking football and I expect a
few goals in this one. Back over 3.5 goals at 3.15.
Cheltenham Town v AFC
Wimbledon
The Dons have run out winners in 4 of their last
5 and, with their hosts having not won at home all season, I've got an inkling
about an away win at the Abby Business Stadium at odds of 2.76.
Cheltenham have shipped 27 goals in 11 games so far this campaign and I'm going
to have a bit of a mad flutter on a 3-1 Wimbledon win at odds of 25.
Dagenham and Redbridge v
Bury
The
Daggers are unbeaten at home this season while Bury are yet to win away. Need
more reasons to back a home win? How about Dagenham have not lost in their last
3 while their visitors have not won in their last 3. That enough? Good. Dagenham
and Redbridge to win at 2.74.
*All odds correct as at time of writing on Betfair
DR
Thu 26 Sep
Tasty Fourth Round Fare Served Up
Nacho Monreal slotted home the winning penalty to ease Arsenal through to a meeting with four-time winners Chelsea at Emirates Stadium and ensure a repeat of the tempestuous 2007 final in Cardiff that saw three goals, a serious injury to Blues skipper John Terry and three players sent off at the death following a melee.
Capital One Cup Fourth Round Draw:
(Selected fixtures)
Leicester City v Fulham
Burnley v West Ham United
Arsenal v Chelsea
Tottenham Hotspur v Hull City
Ties to be played w/c 28 October
Wed 25 Sep
Gus Poyet in Frame for Football's Toughest Sell
Arriving as a fourth appointment in less than two years with a solitary point on the board and a caretaker boss gunning for your job to face an unenviable string of fixtures, hopes will be high for ex-Chelsea and Tottenham Hotspur midfielder Gus Poyet should he become Sunderland's next manager.
On the plus side, when your predecessor has brought his brief tenure to a crashing halt by inviting a player revolt and initiating a confrontation with his own fans, perhaps the Uruguayan looks on this as a win-win situation.
But with a whole host of unproven additions to embed into an established group of seasoned yet disillusioned pros who clearly have the ear of the board, where a director of football and head scout's reputations are on the line leaving them fighting for their futures, soundings for the post are beginning to echo calls at Chelsea, where managers are routinely undermined amidst a 'last in, first out' mentality.
However, whereas the Stamford Bridge seat is renowned for its recalescence, the Stadium of Light's stay as an elite venue could well be in its dying embers. A spell in west London no longer spoils a CV - as Rafael Benitez, to name just one, has shown - while previous incumbent Paolo Di Canio may be held up as the exception that proves the rule in the north-west.
For Poyet, this is a job where, even though it will be nigh-on unimaginable to outdo his predecessor's anarchical outlook and recreate the carnage wreaked during the past few months, failure of some variety is inevitable in the eyes of a demanding public with unreasonable expectations, while success of any sort will come with a caveat, since the club's hierarchy is unlikely to augment a squad bolstered by 14 new signings this summer and will therefore represent His team, as the fall-out from the demise of the self-proclaimed "best manager in the world" continues to reverberate.
Tue 24 Sep
Wembley Without Equal
Having accepted that there is apparently "a sympathy" for Istanbul as a venue for the semi-finals and/or final of the 2020 European Championship, Michel Platini's brilliant brain-child and having considered that Wembley hosted UEFA's showpiece event, their beloved Champions League Final, twice in the last three years, does anyone see where this is going...
Let's face it, with the Turkish footballing capital having pulled out of the running to host the entire tournament to focus on a bid for that summer's Olympic Games that they have now lost to Tokyo, we may as well accept that the political wheels are already in motion.
Platini declared his backing for Turkey as host long ago and now a situation that seems about as open and 'in the balance' as the last two World Cup votes has led our Football Association to allegedly try and drum up support by turning to the argument that - should we qualify for the tournament in seven years' time - we will be extra-motivated to reach the latter stages if it is to be played in London.
Lads, if the chance of a trophy can't get them up for it, the prospect of shaving an hour off the flight time is hardly likely to do the trick either.
London Enjoys Virtual Dominance
According to player ratings spat out by FIFA 14, which is released on Friday, a Premier League all-star XI would include seven players from the capital with the remainder based in the north-west.
According to the Daily Mirror, who have apparently been afforded a sneak preview of the game, presumably so that they have time to break news such as this in advance of us all inevitably spending our time doing the necessary research ourselves, the team would read as follows:
Petr Cech, Branislav Ivanovic, David Luiz (all Chelsea), Vincent Kompany, Leighton Baines, Mesut Ozil, Jack Wilshere (both Arsenal), Erik Lamela (Tottenham Hotspur), Eden Hazard (Chelsea), Wayne Rooney, Robin van Persie
There is a joke in there somewhere about game play, being realistic etc but it seems better to dwell on the positives for now: At least it gives us all a break from the Oscar v Juan Mata debate, what with neither of them featuring but the other of the 'amigos' sitting pretty as part of an all-London midfield.
Temptation to Simplify
The Daily Mirror also reports that Gianfranco Zola's is the latest name to come into contention for the Sunderland manager's job, making the Watford boss the third former Chelsea player to be linked with the role in as many days and, with currently unattached duo Gus Poyet and Roberto Di Matteo already having quite understandably distanced themselves from the Sunderland circus, may soon become the third to reject a move.
What is more noteworthy here is that the Mirror suggests "there is a clear temptation to opt for someone of the same nationality as Di Canio". Is there? Or are you just tempted to join the dots? It all seems as though the Mirror is cheating to beat a small, inattentive child at their own rigged version of Connect Four:
Right, Paulo Di Canio is Italian and so is Gianfranco Zola (and Director of Football Roberto De Fanti, and, er, Watford Technical Director Gianluca Nani...). Zola and Di Matteo are both Italian and played together for Chelsea - plus his name's really similar to that other Roberto's - while Di Matteo and Poyet also both played for the Blues and are unemployed.
One assumes the next step's where Alan Curbishley comes in.
Lukaku, you Lunatic
Romelu Lukaku watches every second of every single Premier League match.
And he speaks six languages.
The man's a saint.
Mon 23 Sep
Orient Extend Incredible Run
The name of Leyton Orient can now be added to the exclusive list of Football League clubs below after the O's recorded an eighth successive victory this season with a hard-fought 2-0 win over London rivals Brentford at Griffin Park tonight.
A solid display and two fine second-half finishes - the first a beautifully dispatched spot kick won and put away by joint-top-scorer David Mooney just after the hour; the second an expertly taken low finish from substitute Shaun Batt five minutes from time - were enough to survive an early onslaught from their hosts and register three more points against their fellow promotion hopefuls in what was arguably Russell Slade's side's toughest test so far.
Ranked as 33-1 outsiders for the title at the start of the campaign, odds will be tumbling with every well-earned win over more fancied opposition as the east Londoners continue to set the League One agenda.
Up next is the visit of 7th-placed Walsall to Brisbane Road, led by ex-O's skipper and one time Assistant Manager Dean Smith. If he were to go the same way as all other comers to have thus far crossed his former team's path this term, we may be witnessing the beginning of something very special indeed.
|
| |||
| 13 | Reading | 1985/86 | Division 3 |
| 11 | Tottenham | 1960/61 | Division 1 |
| Newcastle | 1992/93 | Division 1 | |
| Fulham | 2000/01 | Division 1 | |
| 10 | Manchester Utd | 1985/86 | Division 1 |
| 9 | Hull | 1948/49 | Division 3N |
| 8 | Everton | 1894/95 | Division 1 |
| Arsenal | 1903/04 | Division 2 | |
| Sheffield Utd | 1903/04 | Division 1 | |
| Liverpool | 1990/91 | Division 1 | |
Data courtesy of www.football-league.co.uk
Sun 22 Sep
Mourinho Making Friends
If it hasn't been said already, it's lovely to have you back Jose:
Sat 21 Sep
A look ahead to the weekend's fixtures with our guest contributor...
West Ham v Everton
Sam Allardyce
missed out on the loan signing of Romelu Lukaku to Everton and how much could
that come back to haunt him at Upton Park on Saturday? The misfiring Hammers
have not scored in their last three league games and it could take a striker
who knows where the goal is to separate two closely matched sides. Look at a
scorecast of an Everton 1-0 win with the Belgian netting at odds of 19.
For slightly more straight-forward gambling back an Everton clean sheet
at 3 with the Toffees having pulled off this feat three times out of
four so far this campaign.
Chelsea v Fulham
The second
coming has not quite gone to plan so far with the Blues without a win in their
last four in all competitions. This becomes a must-win game against a Fulham
side notoriously poor on the road and missing both Berbatov and Ruiz. Odds of
1.31 are too short taking into account Chelsea's poor form and inability to
break down teams set up to counter attack as Martin Jol no doubt intends. I do
however expect Mourinho to have his men fired up and an early goal would not be
a surprise. Therefore Chelsea to be winning at half time at 1.72 is
a more tempting price than the match result. With the aforementioned struggles
from open play expect the goal to come from a set piece and with John Terry
back in the side and with a point to prove having been left out of the European
clash in midweek I like odds of the skipper to open the scoring at 25.
Arsenal v Stoke
This is a
very different fixture to how it has been in previous years; the Gunners have
become better away than at home and Stoke have given up on rugby and taken to
football. I anticipate a good game at the Emirates and expect Mesut Ozil to
again be pulling the strings. Unfortunately I am yet to find a bookie that will
take a bet on a player to grab an assist but they will allow a first
goalscorer bet on Aaron Ramsey who is in fine form in front of goal.
The Welshman is at odds of 11.5 and I'm not put off by the bandwagon punters
who have knocked the price down slightly. I'm not usually a corners backers but
there are guaranteed to be a few in this one given the way both sides play and
like odds of 2.5 for over 13 corners.
Crystal
Palace v Swansea
The Swans
have had some tricky opening fixtures but on the back of their memorable win in
the Mestalla on Thursday night I fancy them to turn over a severely depleted
Palace side at Selhurst on Sunday. Odds of 2.34 for this very occurrence are
decent although I prefer the half time/full time - draw/Swansea at 5.7 as
it may take them a while to get going just three days after the trip to
Valencia. I have been very impressed by the boy Pozuelo for the Welshmen and
might have a little tickle on the Spaniard for first goalscorer at 15.5.
Cardiff
v Tottenham
A daunting
trip to the Cardiff City Stadium will not have been made any less
nerve-wracking for Spurs supremo AVB after watching three of his charges limp
out of the Europa League win over Tromso. With the new additions to the squad
still needing time to gel and Cardiff's home record as good as anyone's I think
odds of 4.7 for the home win are too good to refuse. The 'draw
no bet' at 3.35 is less risky but the camelcoats have priced this up
wrong in my eyes and I aim to make them pay. The only possible reason I can
think of for not getting on these absurd odds is if you're a Tottenham fan and
don't think I have forgotten about you good people; new boy Eriksen looks all
kinds of hot so put a couple of your hard earned quid on the Danish
schemer to score at any time at 3.4. Or if you want to lump on Cardiff I
promise I won't tell anyone...
Charlton v Millwall
A massive
game for both sides as they look to move away from the drop zone; Lomas's men
will be looking to go on a run having finally got off the mark with a midweek
defeat of in-form Blackpool and they may well do so against a Charlton side who
themselves have just the one win to their name so far this term. Odds of 3.55
don't exactly get my heart jumping though and I'm more tempted by odds of 4.9
for a red card. London derbies are usually tetchy affairs, particularly on
a cold, wet Saturday in September as Summer becomes Autumn and all around you
lose their heads. When both teams have had poor starts to the season and are
desperate for points it has all the ingredients for an explosive outcome.
Yeovil
v QPR
Nothing more
mathematical in my calculations for this one than the fact that QPR are a much
better side than Yeovil. Although the Championship is a funny old league I just
can't see past the Hoops in this one and odds of 1.82 for all three
points heading back to West London seem fair. 5.5 for QPR to win
both halves also seems big even with the lack of goals and injuries
taken into account. Niko Kranjcar could make his debut for the
away side and with injuries to the front men look at him chipping in with a
goal.
Barnsley
v Watford
Too many
draws have hampered the Hornets so far this season but more worryingly for
Barnsley are too many losses. They lie second to bottom in the league table and
it will be a cause for concern even at this early stage. Watford secured their
first win in five against Doncaster in midweek and you should be OK with them 'draw
no bet' at odds of 1.51. The highest scorers in the division come up
against the team who have conceded most in this one so look at any bet that
points towards a lot of away goals.
Brentford v Leyton Orient
The third
London derby of the weekend and probably the biggest. A really intriguing tie
awaits at Griffin Park on Monday night as Orient's 100% record faces its
sternest test yet against the in-form Bees. I expect to see goals in this one
so get on over 3.5 goals at 3.75 as the League's top scorers
travel to meet the team that have conceded the second most goals out of the
top-half sides. Would hate to say which way this one will go but what I will
say is 3.35 are mighty big odds for a team that have won 7 out of 7 this
season. I will be tentatively backing the Os but looking to cash out with a
profit at the first opportunity.
Morecambe
v Dagenham & Redbridge
Morecambe
will be looking for a fifth straight victory against a Dagenham side with just
one win in their last five attempts. For that reason odds of 2.28 for a
home win seem particularly generous and Morecambe to win both
halves is at a ridiculously big 7.
AFC
Wimbledon v
Burton
The Dons
won't be too disheartened by last week's loss as they still sit in an
unprecedented 7th place going into this one. They may not be the Crazy Gang but
Neal Ardley's men have shown they have character in abundance and I am tipping
them to bounce back with a win against a Burton side who have lost their last
two and are missing their talisman Billy Kee. A Wimbledon win is 2.4 and
I also like both teams to score at 1.63 as neither side have
developed a habit for keeping clean sheets.
*All odds
correct as at time of writing on Betfair
DR
Fri 20 Sep
The Least Surprising News Story of this or any Year
Statement from Fulham Chairman Shahid Khan on the club's official website:
“Craven
Cottage means the world to generations of Fulham supporters, and I have heard
from many of them over the past two months. Our supporters’ views on the
statue have been made clear. I respect Mr Al Fayed and know he had good
intentions in paying an individual tribute. However, the removal of the [Michael Jackson] statue is the right thing for Fulham Football Club.”
Thu 19 Sep
Mata v Oscar
Portuguese publication Record, as cited by The Daily Express this morning, have again thrown the future of Chelsea playmaker Juan Mata into doubt, this time linking him with Tottenham Hotspur, SSC Napoli and Juventus, after the Spaniard was once more omitted from manager Jose Mourinho's line-up for last night's humbling surrender to Swiss champions FC Basel in the Blues' Champions League group stage opener at Stamford Bridge.
With Brazilian maestro Oscar repeatedly being handed the starring role in a 4-2-3-1 formation that has served the club well over the past two seasons, during which time Mata has sufficiently excelled at the task to be awarded back-to-back club Player of the Year trophies, it seems that these two world class conductors must compete to lead an orchestra currently out of tune and in need of direction.
Having witnessed the Confederations Cup final in June between Oscar's Brazil and Mata's Spain, it did appear that the Samba star was more at home in this mammoth clash among the gods of the game and therefore capable of scaling greater heights even than those already achieved by his club colleague. However, it must be said that the contest was played on the 22-year-old's home soil, with his side clearly in the ascendancy following a breathless opening that put their opponents on the back foot and altered the match to one that was ill-suited to the less imposing approach of Mata.
In any event, this must have provided food for thought for maverick touchline tactician Mourinho, who appears to be putting his faith in the potential of Oscar ahead of the proven pedigree of his more experienced team-mate when casting the key attacking role in a team jam-packed with creative talent.
One could say that this is at odds with the club's recent philosophy of purchasing polished superstars as opposed to raw apprentices and, with Marco van Ginkel seemingly having been bought to be moulded into a deep-lying dictator in what is another key area of this emerging side, a great deal of uncertainty presently exists in West London.
Whether Oscar's goal threat, as shown yesterday with an accomplished finish that gave his side the lead, together with his all-round link-up play and huge array of attributes that are there for all to see, are enough to keep Mata out of the side is debatable. Whether they are ample even to shunt the Spaniard out wide to accommodate him is still not certain, especially in a squad comprising so many top-class performers in this area.
Moreover, whether there is room for both to feature ahead of an anchor man, such as Jon Mikel Obi, as was tested in the latter stages last night to little effect, might on the one hand be inspired - as much a masterstroke as the move to 4-3-3 to incorporate both Damien Duff and Arjen Robben during Mourinho's first spell in charge - but it could also be disastrous for a group lacking a Claude Makelele-esque figure and boasting no player (the inconsistent and forever-frustrating Mikel included) who displays the balance of composure, technique and tenacity required for the role.
What one can say with some confidence is that a player of Mata's worth and ambition, not to mention being one of very few whose CV contains World Cup, European Championship and Champions League successes, will not put up with being sidelined at a club where he is so loved by the fans for long in a World Cup year and, if he were to be sold (particularly to a rival), those same supporters may yet turn against the revered Mourinho for not finding a place for a player who, as they are all too aware, has carried this side for large portions of the previous two campaigns.
The Honeymoon period is well and truly over for the Portuguese. Whether he is either experimenting or proving a point with his stance on Mata, or if he is employing a risk-free strategy as regards one of his key men, who has been over-used and heavily relied upon in recent seasons at several levels, now is the time to explain his actions by coming to a definite conclusion with regard to team selection and stability.
Saturday afternoon brings Fulham to the Bridge for the West London derby in a game that carries added significance following the club's worst start to a season in the Roman Abramovich era; Mourinho will want his most trusted lieutenants representing him. Should the number 10 be missing from the team-sheet, in the wake of last night's insipid showing, it may be safe to start accepting these rumours that just will not go away as holding an air of truth and simply await the results of the Blues' brave new era with interest.
Replacing the team's most prominent force is a bold strategy from boardroom to technical area and one that will hinge hugely on the form of one man who, even accounting for the fact that he provided his team's best two moments going forward yesterday by scoring and hitting the crossbar with a wonderful swerving effort from outside of the area, was at times wasteful in possession and never threatened to take the game by the scruff of the neck in the manner that we have seen Mata so often do.
Oscar, at 22, is by no means the finished article and will naturally have nights, perhaps more extended periods, like this and a perennially impatient following will need to be vigilant and give this young side, its new leader and an old hand in the dugout the necessary breathing space to perfect a system capable of claiming titles. Losing Mata would no doubt thin the oxygen but to climb the mountainous terrain of modern football and reach the summit, as no-one knows better than the 'Special One' himself, one will at some point encounter a change of atmosphere. Unfortunately, it does not take much for the Fulham Road faithful and its Russian ringleader to crank up the pressure on one of the planet's most hostile of hot-seats.
Wed 18 Sep
Mother Hen and Golden Goose Nurture Latest Clutch
Finally, a glimpse of the 'Happy One' we were told to expect upon Jose Mourinho's triumphant return to west London, as the Portuguese answered an invitation to revisit a 2007 egg-based analogy of his players by revealing that his new batch are fresh, if not quite yet ready.
Six years ago today, while seemingly on the cusp of another long Champions League campaign before what turned out to be the last game of his first spell in charge, Mourinho seemed to experience what is known in the trade as a 'Keegan moment' during the press conference as he bemoaned the quality of players, or "eggs", within his reach and, therefore, at his disposal, referring to Class One eggs that one buys from Waitrose and comparing the standard to that which he had been asked to buy from some lesser establishment. Although, frankly, the scenario always struggled to take hold, as it is hard to imagine him traipsing his treasured family round Farmfoods on any given Sunday.
When asked to relate this previous situation to that facing him today, as he prepares to meet FC Basel at Stamford Bridge on Matchday One of this year's edition of the competition, his face visibly lit up as he glowingly endorsed those currently inhabiting his nest as "beautiful, young eggs".
It is not surprising that the manager is keen to state his contentedness with the recruitment carried out by his paymasters this time around, considering the circumstances surrounding his departure not long after that outburst and especially when one contrasts the team put out on that fateful night against Rosenborg BK with the one expected to face the Swiss champions this evening, even though the average age of tonight's line-up is likely to be identical (27.27) to its predecessor:
2007:
Petr Cech (25), Juliano Belletti (31), Ashley Cole (26), John Terry (26), Alex (25), Claude Makelele (34), Michael Essien (24), Florent Malouda (27), Joe Cole (25), Salomon Kalou (22), Andriy Shevchenko (30)
Subs: Carlo Cudicini (34), Tal Ben-Haim (25), Paulo Ferreira (28), Steve Sidwell (24), Jon Mikel Obi (20), Shaun Wright-Phillips (25), Lee Sawyer (18)
2013 (predicted):
Petr Cech (31), Branislav Ivanovic (29), Ashley Cole (32), Gary Cahill (27), David Luiz (26), Marco van Ginkel (20), Frank Lampard (35), Oscar (22), Eden Hazard (22), Kevin De Bruyne (22), Fernando Torres (29)
Subs: Mark Schwarzer (40), John Terry (32), Michael Essien (30), Juan Mata (25), Andre Schurrle (22), Willian (25), Samuel Eto'o (32)
Despite emphasis being placed on Mourinho's assertion that four players under the age of 22 will start tonight, the clearest indicator of change since his previous tenure will not relate to age but to quality and, more specifically, quality of youngsters from which to select.
Steve Sidwell, for instance, signed the previous summer, never resembled a Chelsea legend in the making and now plies his trade dwon the road at Fulham, whereas Oscar and Eden Hazard appear to have every chance of cementing hero status in the not-too-distant future. Lee Sawyer, on the bench in 2007, now plays for Woking, while Andre Schurrle and Kevin De Bruyne, who will be contesting a starting berth out wide against Basel, represent an all-together different calibre of egg.
Also, unless he has been misinterpreted - perhaps he said "22 and under" rather than "under 22" as widely reported - Mourinho may be forced to suffer the wrath of his players, having apparently forgotten their birthdays, as the only man under the age of 22 likely to even feature is promising Holland international midfielder Marco van Ginkel, who is set to start alongside veteran Frank Lampard and behind Oscar, as confirmed by Mourinho yesterday.
Standards are high and the quality on offer in this sophisticated section of the capital is without question, even taking into account patchy league form endured thus far this term; the Chelsea 'omelette' is beginning to look very tasty indeed.
Tues 17 Sep
Orient Express Shows no Signs of Slowing
Following Liverpool's draw at Liberty Stadium last night, there remains just one 100% record among England's 92 elite clubs.
131 years of history have already been eclipsed at Brisbane Road this season. Tonight, Leyton Orient have the opportunity to extend their club record opening to 2013-14 to seven wins from seven League One games with the visit of the world's oldest professional football club, currently last-placed Notts County.
It has been as astonishing a start as it has been exhilarating for Russell Slade's side, who finished last term in 7th place and were thrifty over the summer, with the manager labeling their latest win at the weekend "a great advertisement for League One football" as in-form ex-Charlton Athletic striker Kevin Lisbie was again the match-winner on Saturday with a last-gasp drive for the odd goal in five to edge out Port Vale in east London.
Orient are gradually learning to fly and Coach Slade has also spoken of "embracing [momentum]" in order to build on the impressive foundations currently in place and it is difficult to see where this incredible run will end with the front two - Lisbie and top-scorer David Mooney - in this sort of form.
However, the slightest changes in circumstance, such as injury to either forward, can have the most significant of impacts and one thing is for certain: should reinforcements not be brought in within the foreseeable future, this enterprising yet threadbare squad, which has only suffered less than victory in the League Cup to top-flight outfit Hull City so far this season, may become stretched to the point of no turning back.
Mon 16 Sep
He Thinks It's All Over
A Millwall supporter has been arrested and bailed until 4 October, when he will appear at Bromley Magistrates' Court, following a one-man pitch invasion on Saturday in reaction to a dire 90 minutes for the hosts that saw Derby County record a resounding victory, with their manager Nigel Clough shoved for his troubles as the rogue spectator somehow managed to make his way right across the playing surface and into the opposite stand without being halted by security.
All is currently not well in South London, with the Lions slipping to their third straight home defeat to plummet to the foot of the Championship at the weekend. New manager Steve Lomas now faces an even more daunting battle to win over the Bermondsey faithful, as the former captain of deadly arch-rivals West Ham United struggles to reverse a trend that threatens to derail their campaign and leave the board with no alternative but to relieve the ex-St.Johnstone boss of his duties, even at this early stage of the season, if only to prevent all-out mutiny taking hold on the terraces.
Fortunately, the man in question acted alone in encroaching onto the Den pitch on Saturday following Millwall's shocking 1-5 reversal to Derby but, should the club's startlingly poor recent run of results survive Tuesday's visit of table-toppers Blackpool and be extrapolated to the form of their fans, the next incursion may have eyes only for the home dug-out and comprise a far stronger number.
Sun 15 Sep
One In, Two Out, One in the Stand
Watching Chelsea struggle to convert spells of control and even, at times, domination into goals away at what has always been a tough venue in Goodison Park on Saturday evening, one was struck by the personnel choices that have been made in this area by the club in recent times.
With one past-peak front man out on the pitch in Samuel Eto'o - who nevertheless, contrary to the standard rushed saturday night summaries, did show several signs of promise as he continued to work his way back to full fitness - and another, Fernando Torres, entering the fray from the bench for the final 20 minutes as part of a bold and, as it turned out, ill-advised tactical tweak by manager Jose Mourinho, it was pertinent that another of their strikers, Romelu Lukaku, was rendered useless as he sat in the stands, having completed a loan switch to opponents Everton on Transfer Deadline Day.
Not to mention that just a few miles down the road, league leaders Liverpool now boast among their ranks not just one former Blues forward who cannot stop scoring but also another of their staggering 24 loanees currently on work experience, Victor Moses, who often carries a genuine goal threat himself and enjoyed a fine pre-season but was still allowed to pursue first-team football at the home of what will likely be a direct rival for a Champions League spot this term.
It appears more than a little odd that these players have been allowed to leave Stamford Bridge, be it temporarily or permanently, while so many attacking talents seem to be struggling. Summer signing Andre Schurrle again underwhelmed, Kevin De Bruyne has still not established himself despite spending his first campaign on the club's books in the Bundesliga with SV Werder Bremen and remained among the substitutes on Merseyside, while £30m newcomer Willian has not yet made it that far.
Player of the Year for the past two seasons, Juan Mata, was withdrawn after an hour with the Blues seemingly in the ascendancy, as was Schurrle, as, all around, people mentally scrunched up and threw away hastily-formed ideas before resculpting notions of what represents the club's current 'best eleven'.
Perhaps, with this decision together with the astonishing second-half gamble that saw ever-dependable left-back Ashley Cole make way for Torres in a formation-rebooting, paradigm-shifting alteration made from the away dug-out on Saturday in mind, the most costly of the changes in staff this summer moving forward may end up relating to the selection committee itself as opposed to the select few charged with carrying out their wacky wishes.
Sat 14 Sep
Odds n Ends
Our guest contributor returns after the international break with his Premier League predictions:
Manchester United v Crystal Palace
I'd love to be able to tell you that Palace are going into this game with any chance of not being humiliated. I'd love to. However, everything points towards a shellacking at the hands of the champions. On the back of a defeat by their biggest rivals and desperate for a win to boost morale... check. Big-money new signing looking to impress... check. Sir Alex Ferguson at the game as a spectator for the first time... check. Palace just lost 2 of their summer signings for the foreseeable future and seemingly chaos within the ranks... check.
I see a big win for the home side here and like 2.28 for United to win both halves. Over 3.5 goals at 2.38 might also be worth a shout.
Fulham v West Brom
Both teams have had worrying starts to the season and will be looking for a win to kick-start their respective campaigns. A few injuries in both ranks however is likely to stifle their game plans and a draw seems the most likely outcome at 3.5. However, I'd be staggered if the Baggies came away from West London with all 3 points so look at Fulham DRAW NO BET at 1.59 and you shouldn't be taking too much of a risk.
Sunderland v Arsenal
There's a real feel-good factor around the Emirates after the signing of Mesut Ozil on deadline day but this may not be as straightforward an assignment as it might appear against the out-of-form Black Cats. Particularly as Ozil has already succumbed to the Arsenal disease and is doubtful to feature. Fabio Borini could prove to be an astute loan signing by Paolo di Canio and he makes his debut today. Odds of 14.5 for him to be first goalscorer could be worth looking at although I prefer odds of 10 for Jozy Altidore who has looked a threat so far without finding any luck to turn that into goals. Against a Gunners defence missing both Vermaelen and Mertesacker today could be the day where his luck turns around. I also think odds of 4.3 for Sunderland DRAW NO BET are far too big and fancy the home side to spring a surprise to get their season going.
Tottenham v Norwich
This is the kind of fixture Spurs have had trouble with in recent seasons and much will depend on how quickly their new signings gel in this one. It should be a tight affair but the class will eventually shine through, therefore go for Half Time/Full Time - Draw/Tottenham at 4.7. For similar reasons I like Tottenham to win to nil at 2.48. Expect frustration at the Lane and tensions to run high which could result in plenty of cards. Over 45 booking points looks big at 3.05.
Everton v Chelsea
The late kick-off will give Chelsea the opportunity to go back to the league's summit but they will not find it easy against Roberto Martinez's new-look Everton outfit. New boys Barry and McCarthy will expect to make their Toffees debuts while Willian and Eto'o will expect to feature for the first time for the visitors. This should be a good game for the cameras and I can see goals on Merseyside. Odds of 3.95 for over 3.5 goals seem big although the match result is harder to predict. Mourinho's sides are always a threat from set pieces so odds of 11 for Branislav Ivanovic to score at any time are generous.
Southampton v West Ham
Sunday's only game is likely to end badly for the Londoners as their sketchy away form looks set to continue against a vibrant Saints side. However, odds of 1.85 for this outcome seem stingy so to add a bit of value by backingSouthampton to win to nil at 2.52. The Hammers are still light in the striker department so I can't seem them worrying Boruc in the Southampton goal too much. I also like the look of new boy Osvaldo and after a few weeks settling in with his new teammates reckon he could net his first strike. Get on odds of 6.8 for him as first goalscorer.
*All odds correct as at time of writing on Betfair
DR
Fri 13 Sep
Spurs Can't Stay out of Spotlight
A bad week for Tottenham Hotspur defender Kyle Walker just got worse.
A pain in the neck that broke out while on international duty, symptomatic of an underwhelming display in Ukraine in which he was turned inside and out, the root cause of which was the public reaction to his previous use of nitrous oxide, was compounded last night by news that his club boss plans a self-induced selection headache by moving for FC Sochaux-Montbeliard right-back Sebastien Corchia to add competition for his place.
This story follows hot on the heels of a rumoured approach by Tottenham for Paris Saint-Germain youngster Adrien Rabiot and reports linking goalkeeper Hugo Lloris with a return to Ligue 1 and, more precisely, money-burning AS Monaco.
With Emmanuel Adebayor's ongoing turmoil also currently dividing opinion in North London, it must be nice for neighbours Arsenal to watch on with their team finally out of the headlines. Although, where transfer tittle-tattle is involved, Gunners fans are, of late, all ears.
What is also noteworthy is that it was once Chelsea who were tied to all and sundry in the tabloids, often for no better reason than the potential for expenditure at Stamford Bridge. Now that Spurs have shelled out so heavily and persistently - and, with Gareth Bale gone to balance the books, no sign of cartridges strewn across the White Hart Lane offices - we should be seeing plenty of Daniel Levy and his acolytes through the coming months and, indeed, windows as the press begin planning for New Year in earnest.
Thu 12 Sep
Joniesta Joins Growing List of Absentees at Selhurst
Disaster strikes at Selhurst Park as news filters through of Jonathan Williams' ankle ligament damage that will rule him out until at least the New Year.
The Welsh international, known as 'Joniesta' in club circles, suffered the setback while on duty with the Wales senior squad despite not featuring in the humbling 0-3 defeat at the hands of Serbia on Tuesday night.
This latest development is the last thing Crystal Palace need, as they are still reeling from the training ground incident that led to new signing Jack Hunt breaking his ankle this week, which means that three of the 16 players brought in by manager Ian Holloway during the summer will not now feature until January 1 at the earliest, with Florian Marange and Stephen Dobbie fuming after being left out of the official league squad altogether amidst increasingly chaotic scenes in South London.
The breakdown of Williams, 20, who only made his international bow in March, represents a major blow, the improving midfield man having had a major impact on proceedings in a substitute appearance during this season's maiden Premier League victory last weekend.
The club will now be forced to face the colossal task of travelling to Old Trafford for Saturday's early kick-off without the diminutive playmaker's celebrated trickery.
Wed 11 Sep
Hammers Snap up Petric
Still reeling from a series of disconcerting events that has led to a great deal of uncertainty in the striking department, West Ham United fans have finally been given reason to cheer as the club signed Mladen Petric yesterday, after the forward was released by Fulham in the summer.
First, the board failed to entice a new striker to East London (or flog Ricardo Vaz Te from it) during the transfer window. Then there was the mildly chaotic mismanagement of an abandoned bid to recall Carlton Cole, officially due to skepticism over the ex-Hammer's fitness. This was then disastrously followed by the revelation that record purchase Andy Carroll had suffered a fresh injury setback on his road to recovery from a foot fault that has kept him out of action since the last day of last season.
However, the luring of the imposing yet subtle and technically gifted Petric to the Boleyn Ground is somewhat of a coup for the Hammers, notwithstanding the Croatian's apparently diminished standing in the capital in the wake of his being discarded by Cottagers boss Martin Jol.
Since the newcomer joins as a free agent demanding wages on a par with that on offer at their rivals on the west side of town, attracting the man who ensured England would not qualify for the European Championships with a Wembley wonder goal in 2007 represents shrewd business by manager Sam Allardyce, especially in a world where Modibo Maiga's name is currently first on the team sheet.
If the 32-year-old can stay fit long enough to recapture the form shown during his time in the Bundesliga, first with Borussia Dortmund and later at Hamburger SV, glimpses of which were seen during his brief spell in SW6, Irons regulars will end up mightily glad that the doomed pursuit of Cole culminated in him strutting his stuff in the gym rather than on the hallowed Upton Park turf.
Tues 10 Sep
Walk on Through the Storm
England manager and former Fulham head honcho Roy Hodgson intends to keep faith in Tottenham Hotspur defender Kyle Walker for the national team's crucial World Cup Qualifier in Ukraine tonight, despite the row that has erupted over the youngster's use of party drug nitrous oxide this week.
With few alternatives due to a lengthy list of absentees, Walker looks set to keep his place at right-back in a side to which the coach is likely to make only one change, bringing James Milner into the attack in place of the suspended Danny Welbeck, although some have touted Spurs' Andros Townsend, currently on loan at Queens Park Rangers for a surprise international debut on England's traditionally problematic left flank.
England line-up versus Ukraine tonight (probable): Hart, Walker (Tottenham Hotspur), Cole, Cahill (both Chelsea), Jagielka, Gerrard, Lampard (Chelsea), Wilshere, Walcott (both Arsenal), Milner, Lambert
Mon 9 Sep
Walking into Disaster
A storm is brewing for full back Kyle Walker, as pictorial evidence has shown his use of 'laughing gas' or nitrous oxide while relaxing during an injury-induced spell on the sidelines.
Sympathy is hard to suppress, however, not only for a player who, had the story been broken three months ago when the incident occurred and not one day before a crucial World Cup qualifier, would not be away with the national team and hence more greatly exposed to this intense scrutiny as the news garners maximum attention and sees its subject promoted from 'Tottenham Hotspur defender Walker' to 'England defender Walker', but also for a Football Association currently being lambasted for refusing to wade into the debate to condemn one of its representatives and therefore allegedly letting down the public, including anti-drug campaigners and medical practitioners the world over.
Whatever statement was issued by the game's regulatory body would no doubt be criticised in any event and this, again, has the feel of a witch-hunt about it, being led as it is by the institutions that felt it fit to bring this issue before the nation's eye a quarter of a year after its pivotal incident's taking place, yet still 24 hours before arguably the national team's biggest match of the season.
More importantly for Walker and disturbingly for others, though, is that it seems improbable that the 23-year-old's formal, full and frank apology yesterday will be enough to halt the snowball effect, with it being far more likely for tacky headlines to ensue, hence prolonging the debate, should the Spurs defender hold off competition for his place from Manchester United and former Fulham centre back Chris Smalling and the country's gossip-mongers to start or at least feature against Ukraine tomorrow night.
In fact, a brief flick through one of today's newspaper editions offers us insight into the following:
The 'morality' behind use of nitrous oxide, accounting for the rear four pages of said publication; a discussion of internet death threats made against a footballer for slightly mistiming a tackle on a pop star in a charity game; FA plans to pressurise the Home Office into applying more stringent work permit regulations to encourage development of a greater pool of home grown talent; the pros and cons of a society where a player's services cost £86m; and impassioned extracts from a book penned by former Queens Park Rangers and Watford defender Clarke Carlisle's cause for branding ex-West Ham United stoppers Rio Ferdinand and his brother Anton, as well as Joleon Lescott and Chelsea youth product Jason Roberts "s***houses" (inter alia) for refusing to back his anti-racism campaign.
And that's just the sports section.
I mean, the esteemed journal in question is, you will of course know by now, the Daily Mail but, seriously, when did football get so real?
Sun 8 Sep
25-Man Fall-Out May Mean Garvan Exit
Rumour mills today linked Crystal Palace midfielder Owen Garvan with a move to former Eagles boss Dougie Freedman's Bolton Wanderers, after the 25-year-old was omitted from Palace's Premier League squad and consequently criticised current Selhurst Park hot-seat incumbent Ian Holloway.
Having made last season's loan move to South London permanent during the summer and gone on to feature in each of his side's first three league outings, the former Ipswich Town man was unceremoniously dropped from contention on Friday, following the release of each top flight club's 25-man squad lists detailing those eligible to play before 1 January.
Clearly unimpressed by this sudden and unexpected turn of events, Garvan then took to Twitter to pour scorn on his manager by claiming "I'll be here longer then (sic) he will...trust me".
However, since Holloway's position is seemingly under little threat, having earned a first win this season with victory over Sunderland last Saturday, while his insubordinate summer signing can now play no part in Palace's campaign for the remainder of the calendar year and is being touted around for a temporary move away as soon as the loan window re-opens tomorrow, it appears highly unlikely that this particular prophecy will come good for Garvan.
Particularly with outbursts like that issued online last week.
This one may take some explaining.
Sat 7 Sep
O's to Face Coventry in JPT Round 2
League One leaders Leyton Orient have drawn financially stricken Coventry City in the stand-out tie of the 2nd Round of the Johnstone's Paint Trophy.
City fans will come to Brisbane Road with their club in crisis, with the trip to London not too much further than the travels taken in for home games, since their relocation to Northampton, following disputes over the Ricoh Arena home.
It will be interesting to see how many fans take to the away section in East London, especially after many boycotted their opening games of this season for what promises to be an excitingg game in a thus far highly entertaining competition.
Brentford also travel to London Road to face Peterborough, while Dagenham and Redbridge will visit Southend United's Roots Hall home after progressing to Round 2 with wins over AFC Wimbledon and Colchester United respectively.
Johnstone's Paint Trophy Second Round Draw:
(Selected fixtures)
Southend United v Dagenham and Redbridge
Peterborough United v Brentford
Leyton Orient v Coventry City
Ties to be played w/c 7 October.
Fri 6 Sep
London in the Majority
England's senior side will have a capital feel to it tonight as over half of the team set to face Moldova at Wembley will feature representatives of London clubs, Three Lions manager Roy Hodgson has announced.
The full London quota is as follows: Kyle Walker (Tottenham Hotspur), Ashley Cole, Gary Cahill and Frank Lampard (all Chelsea), Jack Wilshere and Theo Walcott (both Arsenal).
Last night also saw Blues midfielder Nathaniel Chalobah and Tottenham's Tom Carroll take to the field as the England under-21's ran out 1-0 winners against their Moldovan counterparts, with Carroll, currently on loan at Queens Park Rangers, grabbing the assist for the winner and Spurs' Harry Kane replacing the goalscorer, Saido Berahino of West Bromwich Albion, late on. Chelsea's Todd Kane was also an unused substitute.
Thu 5 Sep
Eagles Omit Signings from Squad
This has to be a Premier League first. Even for Ian Holloway, this takes some doing.
It is one thing to say: "I am a football manager. I can't see into the future. Last year I thought I was going to Cornwall on my holidays but I ended up going to Lyme Regis." as Holloway did during his time at Queens Park Rangers.
But Olly's transfer policy this summer has been so scattergun in its approach he has had to leave two newcomers - Stephen Dobbie and Florian Marange - out of Crystal Palace's 25-man squad.
The omission of Marange is not quite as glaring; having arrived as a free agent, the French defender was selected in the Capital One Cup only to perform poorly as his team crashed out at the hands of Bristol City so will likely not be missed, although his arrival does now seem a waste of other resources, such as time that could have been spent bringing in someone of the desired ability.
Dobbie, on the other hand, is a player that Holloway knows well, having coached him at Blackpool, and he had brought the attacking midfielder (who can play up front to similar effect) back to Selhurst Park following a loan spell last season, with the 30-year-old signing a two-year deal in July. To deem his services no longer required - at least until January, when the list can be tinkered with - just two short months later seems almost surreal.
If David Luiz is a Playstation footballer, then Holloway is a Football Manager in a real-life dugout. Even when compiling a Dream Team, there are strict squad criteria.
But someone, somewhere along the Palace chain of command must have been keeping tabs on these swathes of arrivals, carefully totting up the number of 'home grown' players coming in, occasionally gently prodding their absurdly erratic head coach on the shoulder and offering a consoling '10-4', as he ran around like a headless chicken, calling for back-up.
Amidst the madness, the club has also overlooked midfielder Owen Garvan, who has already featured in three games this season, and striker Aaron Wilbraham, who has been their starting centre forward ever since injury to Glenn Murray and has made two appearances this term, without letting either join another club, in so doing removing them from the wage bill and preventing unnecessary dressing-room disruption. Surely, surely the pair will leave SE25 when the loan window re-opens on Sunday.
So, while the two City's, Cardiff and Hull, have felt the need to spend chunks of the money available to top-tier clubs this year and, as a result, have slowly strengthened their set-ups, generally going about their business with intelligence and insight, searching for quality rather than quantity and making some astute signings, the Eagles have taken anything going.
Holloway said they were to be "on a hiding to nothing" upon achieving promotion in May and, with planning as intricate and well-thought-out as his recruitment drive and the media skills that saw him handed a two-game touchline ban and fined £18,000 last week, he is not bringing the odds down any of a miraculous escape this season at Selhurst Park.
Swearing Worse than Cheating
As a quick aside: the FA's take on Ian Holloway's comments after his side's opener against Tottenham Hotspur last month was mildly ridiculous.
On the face of it, a two-game ban and £18,000 fine for aggressive behaviour, bad language and questioning the integrity of officials would seem in keeping with current market rates and similar charges of recent years.
However, when broken down, it is worth noting that Holloway's swearing and aggressive behaviour has been deemed two games and two thousand pounds worse than his suggestion that the officials were biased by claiming "they would have got that" and going on to add:
"I had it before where certain clubs get fouls and other clubs don't and my little Blackpool side, we didn't get as many as we should have done against the bigger people. Tottenham will feel that if they play against Manchester United, I imagine."
So, just to recap, aggression and boorishness warrants a ban and a heavier fine than that for calling the ref a 'homer' and bringing the entire game into disrepute by casually dragging other sides into allegations of widespread conspiracy throughout the top flight.
Weird. But then we also know biting is worse than racism.
In a further interview, the Palace boss blamed his outburst on emotion (while criticising a decision in the Chelsea v Aston Villa game) but this is what got him his ban from the touchline - the place where tempers run the highest - in relation to his first offence, not from the post-match interviews, which normally consist of mild-mannered discussions on the merits of the game and take place away from the melee, after the blood ought to have cooled.
He also said he has "to learn very quickly, and it will cost me a few quid" but the hit to his bank balance is unlikely to impact upon his future conduct, judging from his consistency of character shown since a comparable incident and punishment back in 2010 while still with his "little Blackpool side".
He has had time to learn, as he has had time to assemble a squad that complies with Premier League regulatory and quality controls.
Wed 4 Sep
Bees, O’s and Daggers
all Through to Round Two
 |
| Bees overcome Dons in 5-3 thriller; for more photos click here |
Seven
goals in a frantic second half saw Brentford
hold off a strong AFC Wimbledon
showing at Griffin Park last night to progress to Round Two of the Johnstone’s
Paint Trophy, where they will be joined by Leyton
Orient and Dagenham and Redbridge,
who registered sizeable wins over Gillingham and Colchester United
respectively.
Brentford emerged victorious thanks to two goals
from Farid El Alagui and strikes by Luke Norris, Ben Nugent and Javi Venta, who
notched his first for the club since his move from Villareal this summer.
However, they were given a real game by Wimbledon,
who scored some terrific goals by way of a 20-yard rasper from teenager Jim
Fenlon, then a free-flowing team move rounded off by George Francomb and a
further effort from outside of the box by another midfielder, Peter Sweeney,
late on.
The
Dons were unfortunate to be eliminated following an aggressive and enterprising
approach after the interval, which allowed the Bees to counter with precision
passing and pick off their lower league counterparts.
In
what was a fabulous game in West London, Uwe Rösler’s men looked solid and
played some expansive football that eventually proved too much for AFC but the
goal of the game came from the visitors, whose fans’ raucous support was
rewarded with a wonderful five-man interchange for their second of the evening,
complete with back-heeled assist, that culminated with Francomb slotting home
and leading a late fightback but to no avail.
On
the east side of town, the Daggers came from a goal down to convincingly beat Colchester,
placed 35 rungs above their hosts on the league ladder, with goals from Medy
Elito and defender Brian Saah coming in a 10-minute second half spell that took
in a red card for their guests, before the game was put to bed as Abu Ogogo and
substitute Louis Dennis found the target in the latter stages.
Meanwhile,
in Kent, Shaun Batt celebrated his return to the O’s starting eleven by netting
a hat-trick for the away side, including a first-half penalty after Romain
Vincelot was fouled in the area, a point-blank volley and determined run and
finish before the hour, which put his side in control at the Priestfield
Stadium and maintained their superb start to the season, notwithstanding the concession
of a late consolation to their League One rivals.
Each
of the Capital’s three successful sides will no doubt relish discovering their
fate at the weekend, as the draw for the Second round will be shown live on Sky’s
Soccer AM this Saturday.
Tue 3 Sep
Buzz Building for Bees v Dons
Tonight Brentford welcome AFC Wimbledon to Griffin Park for the first round of the Johnstone's Paint Trophy and a cheeky chance at an extra London derby thrown into the schedule by this much-maligned competition.
The Bees have been busy, signing two players - Marcello Trotta's return from Fulham supplemented by the arrival of teenage centre-back Raphael Calvet from AJ Auxerre - on Deadline Day after both amassing a solid points tally and establishing an impressive unbeaten run in League One to date.
They may wish to check the MEF charts before going all Icarus on us, however, as, one division below, The Dons are also flying high in 5th. Manager Neal Ardley's hands have been tied to a degree with the club only shelling out on Chris Arthur for an undisclosed amount back in May but a number of new faces have been brought in on either free transfers or loan deals and the new blend seems to be working, having won thee of their first five matches.
Expect an entertaining contest this evening from 7pm, as Wimbledon's cup pedigree and the hunt for another place at Wembley will ensure this derby is played in good spirit, as will the fact that ticket prices have been reduced and kick-off has been moved forward to increase the atmosphere at the famously four-pubbed ground.
Photos will be up tomorrow.
Mon 2 Sep
Ones To Watch
Not strictly to do with London clubs, this, but keep an eye out for Hammersmith-born Tiago Ilori, a 20-year-old centre-back signed this morning by Liverpool who is highly rated and also remains eligible to play for England, despite representing Portugal at youth level.
Another to look out for is Stoke City's new signing Marko Arnautovic, who infuriated Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho at Inter Milan after repeatedly turning up late for training, only to amuse the Portuguese by reacting to a rollicking by arriving three hours early the following day. He also wouldn't have been in Blues new-boy Samuel Eto'o's best books after the Cameroonian's Bentley was stolen while in Arnautovic's possession, the enigmatic Austrian having borrowed the top-of-the-range motor earlier that day.
He has had run-ins with team-mates and coaches since his early teens and been accused of kissing then racially abusing opposing instigators. He has called the city of Bremen, home to his former club, "a dump", been involved in nightclub altercations and been injured playing with his dog.
And now he's meeting up with the shy, retiring, mouse-like Mark Hughes.
Enjoy.
Sun 1 Sep
Olly's Eagles Snatch the Initiative
 |
| Dwight Gayle rams home from the spot to give Palace a 2-1 lead |
Crystal Palace manager Ian Holloway was understandably "buzzing" last night after watching his team see off a sorry Sunderland side 3-1 and claim their first win since returning to the top flight in May.
The performances, in particular, of newly signed, ex-Arsenal striker Marouane Chamakh and figurehead Mile Jedinak in midfield, along with another accomplished display from right-back Joel Ward, would have been cause for huge optimism on Holloway's part.
What must give him even greater comfort is his being given the chance to confirm the acquisitions of former Reading winger Jimmy Kebe and full-back Jack Hunt of Huddersfield that will supplement talents already at his disposal and offer competition and the possibility of rotation to a group that was three games and three losses into their domestic season before yesterday.
If a deal can also be hammered out for promising attacker and Wigan Athletic cup hero of last term, Callum McManaman before close of business tomorrow evening, Palace will start to feel they have a squad ready and amply balanced to deal with the rigours of the Premier League this season.
Mind you, they will hope that some of the issues currently bubbling at Selhurst Park do not surface and derail their survival bid, such as Chamakh's fury at not being permitted to take the 79th minute penalty (see above), earned and dispatched by Dwight Gayle to re-establish the lead late on, following the award of which the Moroccan had to be restrained in his attempts to take the ball from his strike partner.
Or fan protests in effect on Saturday, including the raising of a banner by the 'Holmesdale Fanatics' - those seated (or, more likely, stood/jumping) in the most raucous corner of the Holmesdale Road end - reading: End fan exploitation - twenty's plenty in an apparent attack on top tier ticket prices.
For now, though, Holloway must focus on conducting his last-minute business before his side can enjoy the international break, perhaps even from the giddy heights of 14th, depending on today's results, then return ready to take on the big boys. Next stop: Old Trafford.
AUGUST
Sat 31 Aug
Taking Candy from an Armed Baby
It is neither a feeling of pride nor of satisfaction. It does not easily justify itself or even create a sense of achievement upon its being said.
But when Arsene Wenger states, with less than three days of another open market at which he has been seemingly intent to stand on the floor but do nothing more than ring the bell as others' ships sail in, that his squad is strong enough to challenge for the Premier League title, after 17 out and two in at his struggling club, there is a call of duty and an inevitability about one's need to analyse the quotes and sanity of the long-time Arsenal manager.
"There is a technical risk when you buy more than three players always because you unbalance a little bit the stability of your squad" the Frenchman insisted, desperately trying to stay calm in the face of the 103rd airing of familiar journalists' same flabbergasted yet utterly futile lines of questioning since the end of last season, as vessels rolled into view all around him.
"Yes" he said, when asked if he believed his squad to be better than that of local rivals Tottenham Hotspur, as Spurs wrapped up deals for Erik Lamela from Roma and Ajax's Christian Eriksen yesterday, while he discussed the possibility of reaching the magic number of three with the addition of Nicklas Bendtner, already technically an Arsenal player, to his depleted troupe, following the free signings of Yaya Sanogo and former Gunner Mathieu Flamini.
"But I don't think about my squad like that" he continued, before going on to add:
"I think about [whether] my squad have a chance to fight for the Premier League or not. We don't compare to Spurs especially."
While Wenger is maybe over-qualified in discussing Spurs' chances of success this season, after having lost their star man, Gareth Bale, this summer and despite the reasonable nature of his claims of an over-inflated price tag for the Welshman, particularly when considering Financial Fair Play regulations, he is beginning to sound like a broken old record that has been illegally taped and downloaded then mischievously packaged as a 'NEW official must-see' collaboration of your eight favourite artists on Youtube, with all sense of reality lost in the frantic hunt for page clicks.
If he feels no threat from Spurs, John W Henry must have been right, which might go as far as explaining strategies of late and even the delayed reactions to and lack of enthusiasm for recent events, such as the opening of transfer windows.
"It's not like a supermarket where if you buy two you get one free!" Arsene quipped on being quizzed about the club's rumoured interest in a hat-trick of Real Madrid stars, whose futures may depend on the conclusion and timing of the Bale saga.
Yet, if you go to the shops with money in the bank and your wallet at home, it matters not where you push your trolley. When you get two free, you often need to purchase at least another one - often at a mildly extortionate rate - in order to see any real value in those two. It just doesn't make sense any other way.
If he thinks now is the time for jokes, with Gunners fans all but frothing at the mouth at the lack of activity in the current window as the sand crystals drop through the hourglass, he is sadly mistaken. And if he believes this frustration that is threatening to spill over into outright fury on the terraces is being aimed at the media for unfair criticism of their beloved club, he has badly misjudged this situation, perhaps even for the last time.
There is no siege mentality in place in N5 right now. Even outsiders can see that mutiny is afoot at the Emirates and the old warhorse has around 60 hours to quell it once more.
Fri 30 Aug
Ex and Jilted Admirer of Willian To Cross Swords
If a keen watch ought to be kept on the dugouts in Prague this evening for Chelsea's game against Bayern Munich, it might be worth minding out for those suited rather than booted when Tottenham Hotspur meet FC Anzhi Makhachkala in the coming months, after the North Londoners drew the Russian side, along with Norway's Tromso IL and FC Sheriff Tiraspol of Moldova, in an eye-catching Group K of this season's UEFA Europa League.
Having agreed a fee with Spurs for attacker Willian, only to pull the rug out from under them and allow the Brazilian to join the Blues, apparently as a personal favour to his close friend, Roman Abramovich, instead last week, Anzhi President Konstantin Remchukov will hope not to have riled his opposing chairman, Daniel Levy, too dramatically, bearing in mind the serious financial situation at the club that has given rise to the firesale of not just the 25-year-old and striker Samuel Eto'o to Stamford Bridge but also three Russian internationals, including former Blue Yuri Zhirkov, to rivals Dynamo Moscow this summer.
Not to mention the fact that he will have noted Levy's shrewd and ruthless approach behind the scenes, as he has held one of the game's greats to ransom while assembling a fine squad that will be more than capable of dismantling his best XI by the time of their two fixtures.
Thu 29 Aug
Contrasting CL Challenges Await London Duo
Europa League cup-holders Chelsea have been greeted with a warm welcome back to the Europe's elite competition after being drawn to play in Champions League Group E alongside Germany's FC Schalke 04, FC Basel 1893 of Switzerland and Romanian side FC Steaua Bucuresti.
Meanwhile, Arsenal will have to negotiate the far tougher-looking Group F, where they come up against another German side in last year's runners-up Borussia Dortmund, as well as Olympique de Marseille of France and Serie A side SSC Napoli.
Juicy Ties Ahead in Capital One Cup
Capital One Cup 3rd Round Draw:
(Selected fixtures)
West Ham United v Cardiff City
West Bromwich Albion v Arsenal
Swindon Town v Chelsea
Watford v Norwich City
Aston Villa v Tottenham Hotspur
Fulham v Everton
Ties to be played 24/25 September
Wed 28 Aug
Hollow Ring to Ian's Words After Third Straight Loss
Ian Holloway re-emphasised the need for back-up after his side became the biggest to fall foul of a giant-killing in this season's Capital One Cup, as they were defeated 1-2 by Bristol City.
Olly put out a team featuring eleven changes from the weekend's Premier League outing but could not stop the rot against their League One opponents and have now recorded three losses from three games played in 2013-14.
It was former Arsenal youth Jay Emanuele-Thomas and ex-Charlton Athletic midfielder Scott Wagstaff who did the damage and Owen Garvan's delightful 20-yard volleyed effort in stoppage time did nothing to ease the concerns of the Palace manager, as the Eagles looked short on numbers and quality with less than a week to go before the close of the transfer window.
Holloway reiterated the need for fresh width and arrivals in attack to compensate for the sale of Wilfried Zaha to Manchester United and the absence of last year's top scorer Glenn Murray, as well as wingers, Yannick Bolassie and new signing Jerome Thomas, through injury but was bullish about the club's transfer aims:
"It certainly will be a busy rest of the week" he sighed.
"I don't know how it will go and where we will end up, but we will get some players - you can see we need them."
Having managed to make a team full of alterations for this game, however, his Bristol City counterpart would surely love to have his difficulties in fielding an XI and it is difficult to imagine a squad unburdened by excess baggage such as Stephen Dobbie and Aaron Wilbraham experiencing such a dearth of inspiration and aspiration in front of goal, either against a team two levels down the pyramid or in the top flight.
Something to think about over the next few days, perhaps.
Tues 27 Aug
No Rest for the Special
And so it continues.
Emerging triumphant from the Old Trafford tunnel with a hard-fought, hard to watch, old habits die hard point in his proverbial bag, Jose Mourinho put his day off turning the head of the stand-out player from last night's opposition well and truly behind him and went straight back to work.
"It is not us who started the story of 'I want to come to Chelsea' and 'I want to leave United'", the Portuguese puppet-master urged.
"We don't just go up to players we like but have no chance of getting", he insisted, before imploring Wayne Rooney to come forward and declare his intentions as regards his future whereabouts.
In around 60 seconds he had turned the tables and, in doing so, encapsulated the audience in a way the 90 minutes before him had never threatened to do.
After a game that was, not solely, but partly so tame due to his input, both in the build-up to and during the event.
And to such an extent that this has remarkably only enhanced his managerial credentials in many people's eyes and left them believing that there is no option but to focus on his rhetoric rather than his restrain - and to even turn the latter into some higher form of revered resilience - in their appraisal of what they had witnessed.
If anyone remains in doubt as to why he is, and will always be, known as the 'Special One', they need look no further.
Mon 26 Aug
Words Writing Themselves
Arsene Wenger is, no doubt, an intelligent man. Can you tell there's a 'But' coming?
But sometimes he makes it very easy for his detractors to make light of his fine work.
In his latest press conference, he has spoken of fans and personnel in the employ of his club being "brainwashed" by media agendas, which outrageously claim that not winning trophies is a negative thing. As if supporters need to be told.
"This is the first year when we have not been traumatised by losing players" the Frenchman insisted. And yet, they quite obviously have been, and it could still so easily get worse.
So far they have lost 17 players and gained one. No spin-doctoring or propagandising required.
They have nearly got deals done for a number of potential newcomers and fallen short at the final hurdle.
These are the key ingredients of an extra spicy transfer trauma.
And if significant moves are not made - the Cabaye deal appears close but we have been here before - within the next seven days...well, it starts to read like an eviction notice.
Sun 25 Aug
Piling on the Pounds
Another day, another few quid joyously saved by Arsenal suits.
As Gunners supporters part with Premier League record sums, season on season, all those hard-working, attention-shirking penny-pinchers and moderation-peddlers behind the scenes, who are registering record profits yet selflessly refusing to take the credit for the strategy's overwhelming success on the big stage, continue to amaze with their powers to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory.
This morning saw fresh reports of being gazumped by bully-boys PSG for Yohan Cabaye, rivalled by big-hitting Manchester United for Angel Di Maria and firmly rejected by the agent of Karim Benzema. This, following the team having ridden the crest of this never-ending wave of faith, optimism and perseverance and, accordingly, galloped to a second 3-goal away salvo over Fulham yesterday.
It is about time these brave souls were properly recognised and reimbursed.
Don't worry Arsenal fans - only eight days to go and it will all be up to you again.
Sat 24 Aug
Special Mention
Claims made by Tottenham over the eleventh hour snatching of Brazilian Willian by Chelsea were given short shrift by Blues boss Jose Mourinho.
Spurs feel that the last-minute move from Russian oligarch to oligarch for the £30m purchase of Anzhi Makhachkala's playmaker was made for the sole purpose of derailing the North London club's title bid, in so doing damaging their burgeoning championship credentials by adding a player to the Stamford Bridge set-up who is not strictly required.
However, despite his side having been accused of such shady shenanigans on more than one occasion in the past, when asked about Spurs' title chances earlier in the week, the Special One damned them with faint praise:
"They can win the title - they are in my top six" he deadpanned.
You've got to love the lad's gumption, haven't you?
Fri 23 Aug
Rewarding Mediocrity
Hearing the news of Gareth Southgate's appointment as England Under-21 Head Coach instantly brought to mind the outsider's perspective of German comedian Henning Wehn, who observed that the problem with this country is we refer to failure as "deferred success".
Southgate, in moving on from FA Head of Elite Development to his current role, has gone from a job telling managers how to manage, despite having only managed Middlesbrough - unqualified when he started and unheralded when he finished after taking them down - to another of fine-tuning and telling young players how to advance themselves in a game in which he has realistically had no more involvement than Mark Lawrenson for the last four years.
If the former Crystal Palace defender is being fast-tracked into contention for the senior post in years to come, the route he is taking represents a very, shall we say, innovative way of getting around the fact that he has no experience to draw on at the top level as no top level club seems to have come in for him before now.
Thu 22 Aug
And the Award for Lack of Self-Awareness goes to…
Aston Villa manager Paul Lambert, dressed to impress in his best Easter brunch attire, resembled a man collecting an award he didn’t win when presented with the notion that Jose Mourinho had compared Lambert to a younger him; a ‘Soon-to-be-Special One’ if you will.
Of course, Chelsea manager Mourinho said nothing of the sort. But there was something very special indeed about watching the Villa boss, when asked if he took the comparison as a compliment:
“If he’s said that then it’s really, really kind” he somehow squeezed beyond his self-satisfied smirk.
“But I’m nowhere near that level of management. He’s a brilliant manager, everyone knows. He’s won the Champions League with two different teams, won titles left, right and centre and, yeah, I enjoyed the banter and the tussle but that’s the game”
He was even given a hint by his helpful interviewer, letting him know that it was in his “passion” where Jose felt the similarity lay, as well as in his tendency to bemoan every decision, and Lambert at first took heed, suggesting anything that went on in the technical area was mere “banter”, before ploughing straight into Alex Song territory.
When he lugged that smug smile back to the dressing-room, it would have taken a better man than most not to crack a grin of his own and his players having Mourinho’s interview showing the Portuguese mastermind telling the nation that “They don’t play a lot…Paul wants to be coach, manager and referee…he needs time to have some more maturity…he will change” playing on loop might be more like the “banter” Lambert was talking about.
Wed 21 Aug
Arsene Cringes as Capital Rivals Look to Cut Loose
As Arsenal rummage down the back of the sofa frantically searching for corners, Chelsea look tantalisingly close to locating the missing piece of their puzzle and Tottenham Hotspur swiftly and assertively turn the box upside down.
Arsene Wenger can only look on in dismay, as the Gunners look set to miss out on the signing of Frenchman Yohan Cabaye to the terms put forward by PSG from his country’s capital, while the Blues step up their pursuit of Wayne Rooney with an improved £28m bid to complete their summer business and Spurs go stir crazy.
Tired of sitting on the sidelines for so long as their neighbours have all the fun, Daniel Levy, Franco Baldini and Manager Andre Villas Boas, backed by the billions of Owner Joe Lewis and emboldened by the incoming bundle of cash for the proposed sale of Gareth Bale from the Spanish metropolis, are finally saying 'enough is enough'.
Their timing looks to be perfect, as Sporting Director Baldini uses his sway at his former club AS Roma to potentially add Argentinian striker Erik Lamela, 21, and 23-year-old Bosnian midfielder Miralem Pjanic to the already swelling Tottenham ranks, at a time when their arch-nemeses seem at their weakest.
As Roma try to sign Chelsea's Demba Ba to replace their outgoing attackers, paving the way for the Blues to march on Manchester, Spurs Chairman, Levy, has again interrupted his holiday to take control of negotiations with the Italian capital, seeking to further strengthen his squad following yesterday's arrival of Anzhi Makhachkala’s Brazilian winger Willian, 25, in London for a reported £30m, which will represent the third time the club’s record transfer fee has been broken this summer.
With Fabio Coentrao appearing likely to join as part of the deal that will take Bale to Real Madrid, along with anywhere between £80m and £100m, this is shaping up to be quite a summer for the North London side, just as people were beginning to feel the heat and worry that this transfer window would slam shut without letting any fresh air into the Premier League kitchen.
Arsenal, meanwhile, are in turmoil. Any player they target is instantly ridiculed as a panic purchase, while selling clubs up their fees in the knowledge that the Gunners are in dire need of reinforcements and other prospective buyers steady themselves and get set to swoop with more lucrative offers.
And with Chelsea, who comfortably finished above their London adversaries last time around, one small, yet significant, step from placing the sharpest of points on their sturdy and menacing spear, the Gunners go into their crucial Champions League qualifier tonight in Turkey needing eyes in the back of their head and not knowing which way to turn.
There was once a time when it was almost impossible to select the strongest starting eleven at Arsenal, such was the competition for places. Now, facing a bill of ill-health as long as the shopping list that lies crumpled in the waste paper basket in some alcove of the Emirates Stadium offices, Wenger is struggling to assemble a side with a fighting chance - as opposed to harbouring thoughts of amassing a complete roster - and the teamsheet has become predictable, not through irrefutable excellence but out of sheer necessity.
As Arsenal should have done in the wake of a change of serve at each of their opponents seeded above them, Spurs have seized their moment and are ready to pounce on the uncertainty across the net by bringing in all manner of big-hitters to put the ball firmly back in the red and white half of the European court.
Likely line-ups with those currently fit and available (assuming the proposed deals go through):-
Arsenal: Szczesny; Sagna, Gibbs, Koscielny, Mertesacker; Wilshere, Ramsey; Rosicky, Cazorla, Walcott; Giroud
Chelsea: Cech; Ivanovic, Cole, Terry, Cahill; Ramires, van Ginkel; Mata, Oscar, Hazard; Rooney
Spurs: Lloris; Walker, Coentrao, Kaboul, Vertonghen; Paulinho, Dembele; Pjanic, Willian, Lamela; Soldado
Tue 20 Aug
Pardew and Wenger Back on Collision Course
So, Newcastle United manager Alan Pardew is upset about the timing of Arsenal's bid for Yohan Cabaye. Finally, he has something in common with 60,000 Gunners fans, then.
With Pardew and Arsene Wenger's chequered history in mind, the former Crystal Palace player and West Ham United boss made the point that the Frenchman could have waited until after his side's match at Etihad Stadium last night before making their move for the midfielder.
Unfortunately, this is where fans at the Emirates on Saturday will surely disagree and would have been screaming for activity of some variety (even if not in the form of a bid for a player the club surely could have signed for a lot less a long time ago) and any further day of transfer market tranquility is now an extra headache.
And for Pardew then to go on and say "It had a huge bearing on the result as well" is, at the very least, a 'big call' and verging on the absolutely outrageous. How many of the four goals and one dismissal difference did it make then, Alan? Note he says result. Not scoreline, result.
Optimism is easy on an eight-year contract, obviously.
Parker Snubs Hoops and Moves to the Cottage
Fulham have announced the signing of midfielder Scott Parker from Tottenham Hotspur despite the England man recently being linked with a drop to the Championship to reacquaint himself with former boss Harry Redknapp at Queens Park Rangers.
The England international has been squeezed out of White Hart Lane by the arrivals of Paulinho and Etienne Capoue to compete with Lewis Holtby, Sandro and Mousa Dembele for two spots in the Spurs midfield.
QPR were favourites to sign the 32-year-old but ultimately lost out to their West London rivals as they were unable to offer top-flight football and Parker will now begin his latest adventure with the Cottagers.
He will hope to slot straight into a midfield featuring fellow Chelsea old boys Damien Duff and Steve Sidwell, the latter of whom will likely compete with new arrival Derek Boateng for game time in a new-look Lilywhites midfield also featuring former R's playmaker Adel Taarabt, with the aim of feeding ex-Tottenham pair Darren Bent and Dimitar Berbatov up front, as Martin Jol assembles an exciting side for the new season.
Magpies Refuse to Bid Cabaye to Midfielder
Arsenal have finally taken decisive action in the wake of their derisory showing in Saturday's Premier League curtain-raiser by lodging a £10m bid for Newcastle United midfielder Yohan Cabaye, which was reportedly flatly rejected by the North-East club this afternoon.
The Gunners travel to Turkey for the first leg of their must-win Champions League Qualifier against Fenerbahce SK on Wednesday with a catalogue of injury concerns and the signing of French international Cabaye, 27, would bolster a midfield heavily depleted by ailments and summer departures.
Having released 17 first-teamers during the off-season and brought just one player in, then seen Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain and Kieran Gibbs leave the field wounded at the weekend and Laurent Koscielny dismissed for ill-discipline, the North London side are in desperate need of cover as they embark upon another arduous domestic campaign.
But it is in the middle of the park where the surfeit in personnel is being most keenly felt, with Abou Diaby and Mikel Arteta long-term absentees, while Jack Wilshere slowly plays his way back to full fitness following his own lengthy lay-off last season and Santi Cazorla was forced to play a part against Aston Villa despite having only just returned from international duty in Ecuador.
Manager Arsene Wenger is renowned for his unwillingness to pay over the odds for a player but, with crunch fixtures fast-approaching and fans threatening all-out mutiny at Emirates Stadium after the disastrous 1-3 defeat two days ago, surely now is the time for the veteran tactician to go all-out to register a statement of intent in the transfer market before the window is sealed shut for another 3 months on 2 September.
Sun 18 Aug
Bees Host Dons in JPT
JOHNSTONE'S PAINT TROPHY 1st Round Draw
(selected fixtures)
Brentford vs. AFC Wimbledon
Gillingham vs. Leyton Orient
Dagenham & Redbridge vs. Colchester United
Ties to played w/c 2 September
Sat 17 Aug
London Fantasy Football XI
As punters everywhere register their chosen line-ups with one of a number of outlets, here's our take on the best value selections on offer across the capital:
(4-4-2) Hugo Lloris (Tottenham Hotspur); Sascha Riether (Fulham), Razvan Rat (West Ham United), Jan Vertonghen (Tottenham Hotspur), David Luiz (Chelsea); Yannick Bolasie (Crystal Palace), Mark Noble (West Ham United), Santi Cazorla (Arsenal), Eden Hazard (Chelsea) (c); Dimitar Berbatov (Fulham), Olivier Giroud (Arsenal)
Fri 16 Aug
Arsenal Low on Imagination as well as Ammunition
So, let's look at this systematically. Let's remove all the speculation, the hype and the hooplah and get down to the bare bones here.
1. Arsene Wenger has allowed 17 players to leave his club this summer.
2. He has signed 1 player in order to compensate for their loss.
3. There are 24 senior players technically remaining on the books.
4. 8 of these are currently injured; 4 of whom face lengthy absences.
5. 3 spent time out on loan last term with views to permanent moves.
6. This leaves 11 pros ready to play, not including their solitary signing.
7. The season starts tomorrow.
Oh, and then there's this.
And this.
Can someone please explain to me, what's going on at Arsenal?
It might be time to remember this statistic:
"With Fergie, Moyes & Pulis going, all the 91 other clubs in the league have changed a manager since Arsenal last won a trophy" - Thanks for that nugget go to Jim White, author of You'll Win Nothing With Kids...
Thu 15 Aug
Bent Goes With Plan B Over Plan CPFC
So it seems that Darren Bent is the new Luis Suarez...not as a footballer, obviously, but as a #EPL modern footballing entity, as the Aston Villa striker has 'chosen' a move to Fulham over a switch to South London with Crystal Palace, unless Newcastle United suddenly come calling. Natch.
Palace manager, Ian Holloway, today bemoaned the situation regarding the Villa hitman, claiming that promises linking the Londoner to Selhurst Park - made by whom is unclear - have failed to bear fruit.
Welcome to the Premier League.
This is a realm in which Suarez appears to be arguing with himself over his chances of leaving Liverpool this summer and where a player who has not worked in the capital since cutting his ties with Tottenham Hotspur in 2009 is said to value reminiscence over remuneration.
It was suggested that Bent's Tooting-based upbringing would sway him south, as if Hammersmith was a world away. One shudders to think of the commute, in the event that the North-East does belatedly beckon and the homesickness just proves too much.
Wed 14 Aug
Parker Proof of Pitiless Premier League
The decline of 2011 FWA Player of the Year, Scott Parker, is evidence - if any were needed - that the English top flight is the most unforgiving of environs.
The Tottenham Hotspur and England midfielder looks set to drop out of the top flight in order to get some much-needed game time, following summer surgery on his right achilles last year, as Andre Villas Boas continues to remould the Spurs squad in his own image.
Parker was sidelined, first by injury and subsequently by the arrivals of Mousa Dembele and Lewis Holtby and, more recently, Paulinho in North London, despite the former Chelsea and West Ham United man's return to fitness coinciding with injury to another rival in the centre of midfield, Sandro.
Now the England international is believed to be on the brink of reacquainting himself with former Spurs boss Harry Redknapp at Queens Park Rangers with the aim of forcing his way onto the plane to Brazil next June.
In two short years, the all-action, box-to-box player voted as the league's best appears about to be forced from it, just so that he can continue to make it past the white lines. That is, unless, someone takes a gamble on a 32-year-old who comes with a guarantee to give 100% of whatever he has left in the tank.
Tue 13 Aug
Ball in Brendan’s Court in Arsene’s Game of Brinkmanship
All summer, seemingly, we have witnessed the Luis Suarez saga played out by Premier League heavyweights Liverpool and Arsenal, with the Reds becoming increasingly aggravated at the Londoners’ conduct. Now, with the Uruguayan taking a breather from his brat-like behavior while away on international duty, it appears that the two clubs have turned their attentions to ‘der Vaterland’ and a - let’s call it - ‘Battle of Bavaria’.
Fresh quotes from FC Bayern München mouthpiece Karl-Heinz Rummenigge have re-iterated earlier insistences that the potential departure of Luis Gustavo would be the club’s final piece of business this summer. This would mean that Wenger’s recent bid to take the Brazilian during this window would scupper long-standing Liverpool hopes of landing Bayern left-back Diego Contento, as only one would be allowed to leave before January.
Arsenal’s sudden interest in strengthening an area that they have neglected for so long is more than a little peculiar although, surely, very much welcomed by the fans. Indeed, last week, the race for the 26-year-old's signature seemed to have been run, as the holding midfielder looked set to up sticks to VfL Wolfsburg, so long as the Lower Saxons found the necessary funding, until the Gunners’ late dash installed them as front-runners.
One never fully knows what goes on behind the scenes. But wouldn’t it be delicious if the Gustavo bid had represented nothing more than a dipped finger into one of Wenger’s many pies, until the latest Anfield acrimony surrounding their eater-extraordinaire led to the dish being taken out of the oven, in order for revenge to be served in its most effective form?
Imagine Brendan’s panicked phone call upon hearing the latest:-
Rogers: “Arsene, what you playing at? You’re already in my envelope.”
Wenger: “Oh, you wanted one of their players too – well, why didn’t you say? Tell you what…”
Having seen a £40m+1 offer pulled out of a hat, then this from up a sleeve, Liverpool had better start removing fingers from backsides fast if their hell-raising star striker is not to vanish into thin air, only to re-appear in North London alongside a beaming, cloak and hat-clad Arsene the Exorcist, in the not-so-distant-future.
Mon 12 AugHaving seen a £40m+1 offer pulled out of a hat, then this from up a sleeve, Liverpool had better start removing fingers from backsides fast if their hell-raising star striker is not to vanish into thin air, only to re-appear in North London alongside a beaming, cloak and hat-clad Arsene the Exorcist, in the not-so-distant-future.
Arsene Looks Set to Make His Move
So, Arsenal are finally ready to part with some cash.
After failing to land Gonzalo Higuain from Real Madrid, in part due to their ongoing negotiations over Liverpool's Luis Suarez, the Gunners are at last looking to strengthen an area of the squad that has been truly lacking in depth since the departure of Alex Song last summer; perhaps as far back as the sale of Patrick Vieira in 2005.
Of course, Wenger has been quick to cool any intimations that a deal has been finalised - most probably in order to keep the price tag, which amounts to a slight dip from that paid by Bayern Munich for his services back in January 2011, as low as possible - as is his wont. However, at £14m, Luiz Gustavo would represent an excellent acquisition, as the former TSG 1899 Hoffenheim holding midfielder, who appeared in last season's Champions League final for the Bavarians, can operate in several positions and offers a welcome alternative to the more measured approach of Mikel Arteta in front of the back four.
With athleticism in abundance, an iron will in the tackle and even a genuine goal threat, the Brazilian may well become a driving force in the North London club's bid to re-establish itself at English football's apex.
Sun 11 Aug
Lessons Learned in London
So what did we learn from this afternoon's Wembley showpiece?
a) That Manchester United, as the English Champions, are better than Wigan Athletic, a team from the Championship.
b) That Robin van Persie is capable of scoring with head or foot against inferior opposition in a side set up to utilise his strengths.
As much as the FA needs games like today's and next week's friendly with the 'Auld Enemy' to justify their £850m white elephant, with every passing season they become as irrelevant as - if not more so than - Hong Kong's rain-dominated Barclays Asia Trophy or the 'Super Match by Carlsberg' (won by Arsenal against Manchester City yesterday in Helsinki, as if you didn't know), or even Tottenham Hotspur's friendly against Espanyol last night, which somehow made it onto freeview television. Bring on the Scots on Wednesday! Then roll on the proper football on Saturday. Please, hurry.
Sat 10 Aug
Speculation Rife At The Lane
With the Gareth Bale saga no nearer its conclusion, Tottenham have taken back page centre stage as the media attempts to spend the potentially record-breaking sum for Bale before it has crossed the water from Spain.
The Daily Mirror has predicted a flurry of late activity in North London, with Director of Football Franco Baldini said to be plotting a raid on former club Roma for attacking midfielder Miralem Pjanic, while the tabloid also claims the club have been forced to deny rumours of a Barcelona bid for currently crocked defender Jan Vertonghen, after the Catalans failed to lure David Luiz from Chelsea.
The Daily Mail suggests Tom Huddlestone will be travelling away from the capital to either Hull or Sunderland and former Spurs creator Luka Modric is set to be Manchester United's consolation prize following a humbling end to their pursuit of Cesc Fabregas, according to the Guardian.
Meanwhile, Real's Bale bid has seemingly stalled following comments from club President Florentino Perez insisting the Welshman is not worthy of a World Record price tag, as reported in the Independent. Ahead of this afternoon's meeting with Espanyol, which is live on ITV4 at 17:30, even Spurs fans may be beginning to look forward to BT Sport's proposed Premier League 'locker room' coverage this season, if only to draw attention away from the boardroom. If they wanted this level of access, they would simply hire back this man.
Fri 9 Aug
Tough Task Ahead for Tottenham
The Dinamo Arena, Georgia will be the destination for Andre Villas Boas' Tottenham Hotspur, with Spurs set to take on Dinamo Tbilisi in their Europa League play-off, as confirmed by the draw held today in Nyon, Switzerland. The first leg will be contested in the Georgian capital on Thursday 22 August, followed by a home game the following Thursday.
Dinamo were League and Cup double winners in their homeland last season before falling to Steaua Bucharest in the Champions League Third Qualifying Round and will be no pushovers for Spurs, who may well depart for eastern Europe with a Gareth Bale-shaped cloud still hovering over them, but will hope to count midfielder Etienne Capoue among their number after the Frenchman appeared to have reached an agreemeent in principle to move to the Lane on Wednesday.
Arsenal Facing Another Anxious Wait
Arsenal have been drawn to face Turkish side Fenerbache in the Champions League play-offs, with the away leg up first on either 20th or 21st August; the return being played the following week. However, the fixture is subject to international clearance, as the 'Yellow Submarines' were last month handed a 2-year ban from European competition after becoming embroiled in a match-fixing scandal that has engulfed much of Turkish football in recent times.
A final verdict on Fener's fate will be delivered before 28 August, according to a statement issued by the Court of Arbitration for Sport, which presents Arsene Wenger's side with a period of uncertainty akin to that facing them before the close of the transfer window on September 2, the club having added only French striker Yaya Sanogo to their squad, thus far this summer, and today lost Gervinho to Roma in a deal worth up to 8 million pounds.
Thu 8 Aug
London Well Represented Again
Eight London-based players have beeen named in Roy Hodgson's England squad for next week's clash with the Old Enemy with most, if not all, hoping to play some part in the game against Scotland on Wednesday.
The capital's representatives are: Gary Cahill, Ashley Cole, Frank Lampard (all of Chelsea), Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain, Theo Walcott, Jack Wilshere (Arsenal), Jermain Defoe and Kyle Walker (Tottenham Hotspur).
Capital's Big Boys Enter The Fold
Capital One Cup 2nd Round Draw (selected fixtures):
Nottingham Forest v Millwall
Bristol City v Crystal Palace
Burton Albion v Fulham
Leyton Orient v Hull City
Huddersfield Town v Charlton Athletic
Queens Park Rangers v Swindon Town
Derby County v Brentford
Watford v Bournemouth
West Ham United v Cheltenham Town
Ties to be played w/c August 26th
Wed 7 Aug
Bale Earns Eighth Place
In a year when the UEFA Best Player in Europe Award is to be decided between the two undisputed best players on the planet and the man who made the difference between their supposed two best sides and the team that swept all before them, it was flabbergasting to read the BBC's (among that of others) take on the story.
"Bale misses out on UEFA award list" declared the headline, supposedly enticing you to click on the link and read on.
Of course he did. Surely a simple "UEFA Award shortlist announced" would have sufficed. Further reading is not required to discover that Gareth Bale was not one of the top three players in Europe last year.
All that is needed is for eyes to be carefully raised from the English newspapers spread across our breakfast tables hailing the Premier League, the division that provided precisely none of the 2012-13 Champions League Quarter-finalists, and to glance towards those countries - and teams - that did. Franck Ribery was absolutely outstanding last season - at the very least as good as Bale - and, while there is an argument to suggest a player who excels in a lesser side (no disrespect to Spurs, obviously) has produced an even more staggering feat than one who does so in an all-conquering outfit, surely tthe only platform on which to judge the very best is alongside and against the very best.
Messi and Ronaldo were deemed to have underachieved last season and still managed to score 113 goals between them in all competitons and drag their respective teams to the last four of Europe's top draw, which sort of puts Bale's personal best tally of 26 into perspective. There is an argument to suggest that in 10th-placed Robin van Persie (finishing two rungs below Bale in the rankings), the Premier League boasts a more credible challenger to the Spanish and German elite above them, seeing as he represented the decisive factor in last year's title race.
There is a danger of getting a little carried away here, is all I am saying. And, I would add, personally, I'd take the EIGHTY-FIVE MILLION POUNDS.
Tues 6 Aug
Zadkovich will need to win over his critics
Someone clearly does not care for rumoured Millwall target Ruben Zadkovich, captain of the A-League's Newcastle Jets. Steve Lomas is obviously seeing something that this guy isn't:
Mon 5 Aug
Palace moving ahead in the queue?
The Daily Mirror is reporting that Crystal Palace could be set to sign Darren Bent and Scott Parker ahead of London rivals Fulham and West Ham United respectively. More amazingly, the tabloid cites "resources" as the reason behind both alleged upstagings.
If - and I realise it is an IF - there is substance to the story and newcomers Palace can start delivering on promises such as these, there is no end to the progress that can be made in South London. Theirs is a ground ripe for development at the heart of a large catchment area there for the re-taking, in the event that fans become disillusioned with life and prices at Chelsea and Arsenal and revert to supporting their resurgent local side.
On the other hand, if Fulham and West Ham are falling behind a team only recently promoted to the Premier League in the race for those on the fringes of the England squad, particularly in light of the former's take-over and the latter's impending upgrade to Olympic Park, one has to wonder what the future holds.
Or if they are simply picking their battles.
Sun 4 Aug
All Barton No Bite (Well, a little nibble)
Following yesterday's narrow win over Sheffield Wednesday, QPR boss Harry Redknapp lauded the performance of want-away misfit Joey Barton, who caught the eye on the right of a midfield four.
Rednapp said of Barton's future: "Marseille is the option. Everton is not an option, I don't know where that one came from, but it was a silly story."
He then added: "If he goes, I wish him well. He is a good player and I think I can handle him. If you are sensible with him and treat him OK he is not a minute's problem."
However, had Barton been rightly sent off for his trip on Jacques Maghoma just moments after being booked, he would've been more than a minute's problem for his manager; 33 of them to be precise, plus added time. Oh, and the next 90 of course.
Sat 3 Aug
Dempsey next to Bale
With Gareth Bale taking up almost every inch allotted to the written word in recent weeks, Clint Dempsey's proposed move to MLS with Seattle Sounder has snuck under the radar as subtly as one of the American's trademark late runs.
Obviously, Bale’s departure would be the most significant of the summer, not just from White Hart Lane but from English football. However, one cannot shake the feeling that 30-year-old Dempsey’s contribution last season – 19 goals in 43 appearances, including two in the Europa League quarter final and vital strikes in wins over both of the top two – will be sorely missed, particularly were Roberto Soldado to pick up an injury or simply fail to find his feet at first.
Dempsey’s canny knack of finding the net is always a good one to have, especially in easing the burden on the back of a big-money signing taking his first steps in a new country. Time will tell if Spurs have been hasty.
2011
Milan with a plan
Milan with a plan
Reports from Italy's Tuttosport this morning suggest that AC Milan will be looking to raid the Capital with an astonishing array of bids for Chelsea's Michael Essien, Arsenal's Samir Nasri and Sandro of Tottenham Hotspur. Now, I'm guessing this incredible collection of rumours have come about as a result of the impending contract culminations of Andrea Pirlo, Clarence Seedorf and club captain (by default) Massimo Ambrosini.
Replacing these three ambling amigos in this manner would represent some truly splendid business, as I am sure you will agree, especially as that little hattrick should put them about £50m in the red without even factoring in what Kevin Prince Boateng's moonwalking will cost them in sponsorship alone over the coming seasons. But, having barely seen either Pirlo or Ambrosini this term due to injury and having surely seen too much of Seedorf in the 'sausage roll' position against Spurs this season, maybe Mr. Berlusconi won't mind offering his party planner a pay-as-you-play deal to cover this one.
Educated Guesswork
The BBC’s Matt Slater is quoted today as saying that what will happen to Queens Park Rangers over their signing of midfielder Alejandro Faurlin in 2009 is “almost anybody’s guess and anybody who tells you otherwise doesn’t really know what’s going on”.
Despite this resembling one of those “On the night it just wasn’t our day” quotes only ever seemingly associated with football, this blog's guess is that the points deduction that former FA CEO Mark Palios believes the offence “deserves almost certainly” will come but that, having handily waited for the season to pan out before adjudicating, that points deduction may, in fact, fall just short of mattering. Either that or they’ll take the £20 million, like that paid by Neil Warnock’s old employers to West Ham United, for Fabio’s Farewell Fund. It really is anybody’s guess, mind you.
New Drogba Old News
Romelu Lukaku, the 17-year-old Belgian striker from Anderlecht, perennially compared to Chelsea forward Didier Drogba, has AGAIN been rumoured to be on the move to the Premier League Champions this morning in a national newspaper.
No-one is quite sure when these rumours first surfaced anymore; whether it was the moment he admitted “Chelsea is my favourite team” in January or the day he finally filled out into roughly the same mould as the most recognisable striker in world football. All we know is that, in that same interview he also praised each of the teams in the Premier League’s top six and managed to mention that Spanish football also quite interested him as well. Couldn’t we just take it that this is that rare instance of a teenager keeping his options open and maybe wait for the next window, please? The ‘saga’ hasn’t even begun yet.
Warnock: Savage “Bit Like Me”
Neil Warnock and Robbie Savage. Imagine that round your dinner table. The Queens Park Rangers manager grudgingly praised the Derby County captain last night the only way he knows how – by comparing him to himself – after Savage marked Rangers’ playmaker, Adel Taarabt, out of the game at Loftus Road.
Savage tweeted “It was hard playing with 12 stone in my pocket”, joking that he was disappointed Warnock hadn’t left Taarabt on, as the midfield maestro had had such little impact on Savage’s shamelessly flowing locks and seamlessly fluent game. I think this blog speaks for football fans across London and beyond when it says that Adel could throw a thousand tantrums like the one he threw upon leaving the field yesterday, cement his place in the annals of time as some crying cousin of Cristiano and, in the hate stakes, still not hold a candle to the legacy of 'Lily'.
Park ‘n’ Parcel
In the modern game - where Peter Ridsdale is never jobless, standing supporters are told to “Seeeeedaaaan” within seconds of kick-off by fellow fans and Abdul Razzak proudly sports the number 62 for Manchester City - is a manager ever supposed to admit that his team is reliant upon a single player? I mean, unless they are using it as some kind of callous excu-Oh.
Avin it large
Avin it large
West Ham United manager and perennial prey, Avram Grant, has confessed that, although when “we were the last team in the table…we dealt with the pressure very well”, his struggling side’s dearth of something resembling Scott Parker in their line-up has made his team “more nervous than expected”. With Chelsea and Manchester City up next, away from Upton Park no less, at least Avram shows no sign of letting slip his infamously optimistic glow.
Right Back, erm…Left Back, uh…
Glancing through the PFA’s Premier League Team of the Year, one is filled with the sorts of feelings experienced when picking one’s very own dream team within any framework; the eye-opening intrigue of a stimulating challenge, followed by the sheer rush associated with an onslaught of information and, once the initial excitement fades, the full backs. It looks like they did what I usually do – throw down the first two that come into your head and start a new team. OK, Championship –Taarabt…
One goal and six assists between Chelsea's Ashley Cole and Bacary Sagna of Arsenal over nearly 60 games don’t particularly flatter full-backs supposedly famed for their attacking nature, either. Although I must say, the website from which I gathered this life-altering information, the Premier League’s official website, was responsible for a few slight miscalculations, such as Arsenal striker Jay Emanuel-Thomas’s height - measured a mere 16cm out at 175, the 6 foot 3 monster humbled to joint 63rd titchiest in the division.
Is Sanchez Crazy? Or are they?
Barnet Chairman Tony Kleanthous believes that new stand-in Football Consultant Lawrie Sanchez will bring “top quality help”, to the Bees’ final four-bout fight to avoid a Football League knockout.
Lambeth-born Sanchez, scorer of the goal that won Wimbledon’s ‘Crazy Gang’ the 1988 FA Cup Final at the expense of the once mighty Liverpool, has been quiet since a 32-day stay at Fulham in 2007 - where he fulfilled his primary objective of maintaining the West London club’s Premiership status - was rewarded with the full-time post, only for the club to sack the one-time Northern Ireland manager in December with the club guess where. Barnet may need to make their ambitions crystal-clear from the get-go, unless they intend to forsake professionalism and save the Underhill for an old-fashioned cup run.
Court Case Hits Football Blog
Football fans in East London find themselves once more leafing through law books this morning upon news that Leyton Orient have joined Tottenham Hotspur in commencing legal proceedings against Newham Borough council’s £40m loan to fund West Ham United’s move to the newly-built Olympic Stadium.
Orient Chairman and self-styled Luke Skywalker Barry Hearn has claimed the loan is “illegal and unlawful” and believes “we have right on our side”, comparing the proposed judicial review to “a battle by the little man against the big forces of evil”. However, if help were at hand for Orient’s own 15,000-seat arena project, the little man may well be appeased.
Best of the Rest
Ever wondered what it would be like to witness the finest from the world’s greatest divisions combine and go toe-to-toe for a trophy? Would a Premier League team fare well against a La Liga Eleven or Serie A select? It is undoubtedly a mouth-watering prospect...
The penultimate fixture in the Preliminary Round of the FA Inter-League Cup 2011/12 took place last night between the Amateur Football Combination and the Surrey Elite Intermediate League at Dulwich Hamlet Football Club in South-East London, with the contradictions from Surrey running out 2-1 winners to qualify for the competition’s First Round Proper. Watch this space.
The penultimate fixture in the Preliminary Round of the FA Inter-League Cup 2011/12 took place last night between the Amateur Football Combination and the Surrey Elite Intermediate League at Dulwich Hamlet Football Club in South-East London, with the contradictions from Surrey running out 2-1 winners to qualify for the competition’s First Round Proper. Watch this space.
Previous
Abou Diaby’s apparently been at it again, this time having a “bust-up” (The Daily Mirror) with team-mate Robin van Persie at half-time during Arsenal’s 3-1 win over Blackpool on Sunday. One might have expected the Frenchman, 25 in May, to have grown up since this incident during his time at the renowned Clairefontaine Academy near Paris:
By Mutual Consent
"West Ham United have mutually agreed with Benni McCarthy to part company with immediate effect. The club would like to wish Benni the best for the future."
So, by “mutual” one can assume that West Ham and McCarthy’s midriff have agreed beyond question that there is no longer a chance of the former Champions League winner running more than the length of a football pitch without swallowing it. By all accounts, most things agree with Benni’s belly. That’s probably why he wasn’t picked in the Hammers’ post-Christmas Premier League squad and why they signed two strikers to replace him during January.
Dog Gone: Allen Buzzes Off
Mad Dog Martin Allen has deserted Barnet to join Notts County after a 3-match unbeaten stint at the Underhill helm, leaving the Bees second from bottom with five games to save their Football League status, saying: the North London club are now "set up to avoid relegation".
Barnet Chairman Tony Kleanthous said he felt "let down" by Allen's decamping to the Midlands and may feel even more aggrieved at his former manager's wording upon taking up his new post; Mad Dog's mission statement ironically insisting his new side must try to "get the buzz back" if they are to arrest a run of poor results.
Cole Bunker
The sight of Joe Cole warming a bench is nothing new. But on Monday night at Anfield, as the one-time England regular looked on at the artistry of Raul Meireles with the Portuguese performing feats of skill in his formerly favoured left-wing berth, as well as the relentless Dirk Kuyt displaying Cole's famed commitment levels on the right of a 4-4-2 formation featuring Jay Spearing, he must have feared another long, cold evening.
Then when he looked along the line at a combination of Maxi Rodriguez, Jonjo Shelvey and David N'Gog beside him, he must have wondered what he had left to offer the side that betrayed their own wage structure to sign him last summer and, more poignantly, how many players would now have to fall foul for him to enjoy a warmer involvement at any point before, say, June when he may well be afforded an extended holiday.
Crab Salad
Ray Wilkins, known as 'The Crab' in his playing days for his penchant for playing the ball sideways, makes for a strange kind of commentator.
His assertion that he is "old school" is something of an understatement, especially considering the advice dished out by Wilko during Monday night's match between Liverpool and Manchester City.
"If you're gonna miss, miss high and wide - that way your team mates have got time to get back into position" suggested the former Chelsea Assistant Manager.
Now, either this amounted to a shrewd observation of the historic lack of ball boys at Anfield and, hence, showed an in-depth knowledge of the ins and outs of English football, or Butch has walked into a cushy commentary position for being no more than a healthy alternative to your average opinionated Scottish grammar-guerilla. Having half a brain goes a long way in football, it seems.
Oh, Danny Boy
Danny Gabbidon has followed team-mate Carlton Cole onto the twitter rap sheet after being charged by the FA with improper conduct for his vulgar response to criticism following a 1-2 defeat to Aston Villa last month.
"U know what f*** the lot of of you u will never get another tweet from me again u just don't get it do you. Bye bye." carefully construed the composed West Ham defender.
Tottenham teeter
As the curtain came down on last night’s Champions League quarter-final second leg at Old Trafford, Tottenham Hotspur fans were granted one final gift from their own European excursions this campaign – bragging rights for being London’s last team standing in continental competition.
That privilege is likely to perish tonight however, as they trail 4-0 from their first-leg encounter with Jose Mourinho’s Real Madrid. You get the feeling there’s more chance of Ledley King playing two consecutive games.
Chelsea crash
Chelsea would no doubt snatch at such a long-shot scenario this morning, as they reflect on another early exit from Europe’s premier club competition.
Their Champions League ‘curse’ continued as they lost 2-1 to Manchester United thanks to goals from Javier Hernandez and Park Ji Sung. Second-half substitute Didier Drogba’s delightful leveller on the night served only to shock the hosts into a rapid-fire riposte.
A repeat of the 2009 Final seems increasingly likely at Wembley Stadium on May 28 but if London is to host an English winner, United will have to find a way of stopping Lionel Messi, who stroked home his 48th goal of the season as Barcelona beat Shahkter Donetsk last night.
That’s right. Forty-Eigth.
Lukaku linked
Blues’ fans may at least be boosted by news emerging from Spanish publication Marca, that sought-after teenage striker Romelu Lukaku looks set to sign for the Premier League champions this summer.
Lukaku’s agent, Christophe Henrotay, claims his client has many suitors and is ready to leave Belgium at the end of the current campaign, but stresses with a prize-tag of 30 million euros, Chelsea are in pole position to land the youngster dubbed ‘the new Didier Drogba’.
JET fuels Bluebirds
Arsenal youngster Jay-Emmanuel Thomas scored his second goal for loan club Cardiff City last night and immediately set his sights on automatic promotion.
Thomas’ close-range header doubled Cardiff’s lead at rock-bottom Sheffield United, after former West Ham star Craig Bellamy’s opener, to leave the Gunners’ academy graduate in bullish mood.
"Being in second place, obviously we'd go straight to the Premier League without even the play-offs," the 20-year-old told the BBC.
“So hopefully if we can keep where we are now then that's where we'll be next season.”
Except, he’s likely to be back at London Colney.
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