Capital Criminals

As reports emerged that Berlin-Neukoelln’s Sueleyman Koch, 21, who plays for the Capital club in the German Third Division, was believed to have been uncovered as the head of a gang facing charges of robbing several casinos at gunpoint and arrested among an impressive network of thugs, this blog was taken back to bad boys gone by who had once brought the reputation of this country’s great capital into disrepute. Here is our top 10:

10. John Terry – In terms of criminality, England’s leader is all-but-innocent notwithstanding potential breaches of both his marriage contract and the Bro Code. His parents, on the other hand, certainly have a case to answer. Father Ted was cajoled by a red-top into supplying 3.5 grams of cocaine in a pub toilet when on film in November 2009, while mum Sue and mother-in-law Sue Poole were caught on camera shoplifting £800 worth of clothes and food in March of the same year. 

9. Dennis Wise – The former Chelsea skipper avoided jail time on appeal, having been convicted of assaulting a London taxi driver in 1995, although he was still replaced as club captain by manager Glenn Hoddle, only to reclaim the armband and lead his side to great success in the late-90’s.

8. Avram Grant – Married father of two Grant, current boss of West Ham and formerly of Chelsea, became an unwilling part of an active police investigation into prostitution when he was spotted entering a Thai “massage parlour” near Portsmouth’s training ground for around an hour in December last year, before smiling and admitting to an inquisitive reporter outside that “Yes”, indeed, he did know it was a brothel. Thanks for asking. Details of the story were revealed following the landmark decision banning gagging orders in the John Terry case.

7. Lee Bowyer – Formerly of Charlton Athletic and West Ham United, the tenacious midfielder was dropped by England under-18’s, banned for eight weeks and told to take part in an FA rehabilitation course two months into adulthood in March 1995, along with fellow Charlton youth product Dean Chandler, who now plays for Isthmian League Division One North side Redbridge FC. The same month saw suspensions for Arsenal’s David Hillier and former Tottenham forward Chris Armstrong, then of Crystal Palace, for cannabis possession.  

6. Jonathan Woodgate – it was with another team-mate that Bowyer found himself legally offside once again, this time trialled alongside then Leeds United colleague and current Tottenham Hotspur defender Jonathan Woodgate. Whereas the Birmingham City man was eventually cleared of blame in December 2001, Woodgate was found guilty of affray after an Asian student was badly injured outside a nightclub at the turn of the millennium, although he was acquitted of charges of GBH.

5. Roger Stanislaus – In February 1996 Leyton Orient defender Stanislaus was ordered to sit out a year’s worth of action for cocaine use. The Englishman of Polish descent was a former Arsenal trainee who spent three years with Brentford before having his contract terminated by the O’s immediately upon word of his misconduct. Later that same year, Charlton again fell foul of the FA when 18-year-old midfielder Jay Notley was sentenced to three months rehabilitation for sampling the holy trinity of cocaine, cannabis and ecstasy.

4. Jody Morris – Dennis Wise’s understudy at Stamford Bridge, Morris was disqualified from driving for four years, given a suspended 2-year prison sentence and 80 hours community service in November 2006 for a second drink-driving conviction that merely added to an image that had been carefully crafted by the midfielder. The foundations were laid on September 12, 2001 when he was among a group of Chelsea players accused of insulting American tourists hours after the New York terrorist attacks and these were reinforced by allegations of a drunken punch-up and sex attack over the next 18 months, coinciding with his slow descent down the divisions. He currently plays for St Johnstone in the SPL.

3. Tony Adams – The ex-England captain was sent to prison in December 1990 after crashing his Ford Sierra into the wall of a house while reportedly 27 times over the legal limit earlier that year, pre-dating the plot of Mean Machine by at least a decade. He still arrived at the airport for Arsenal’s European fixture the following day, although he was a little late due to pesky police questioning, as revealed in his aptly-named autobiography, Addicted.

2. Paul Merson - Chelsea fan and Arsenal ace Merson’s red eyes and puffy face were splashed all over the front pages in November 1994 when the then England international confessed to suffering from gambling, alcohol and cocaine addictions; all in one teary interview. For this very special hat-trick he has earned a seat on Sky Sports’ Soccer Saturday show and our number two spot.

1. Marlon King – Dulwich Hamlet introduced him, Barnet nurtured him and Watford took him to the big time, but beneath the football lay a criminal element constant throughout. King’s planned move to Fulham fell through during the January 2008 transfer window not as a result of a failed medical but due, unofficially, to a litany of litigation dating back to 1997.

The Coventry City striker has continued to make an extraordinary living from football despite two jail terms: he firstly spent five months at her majesty’s pleasure relating to a stolen BMW convertible in 2002; then in 2009 he was found guilty of sexual assault and ABH after punching a 20-year-old female student in Soho and breaking her nose. He was sentenced to an 18-month stint, sacked by Wigan Athletic and is currently celebrating his second of seven years on the sex register.

The need for another paragraph break here is poignant, as his rap sheet is seemingly limitless. Other offences include: criminal damage, attempting to obtain property by deception, theft from a person and from a car, driving without insurance, fraudulent use of a vehicle licence document, speeding and drink driving, as well as allegedly head-butting Dean Windass. However, the hard-faced Yorkshireman ensured the Hull City hierarchy at the time that the latter was “a storm in a teacup”.